Sun, Shine In My Eyes:
Days 58–61 | Find Something Tender
Are we super/human? Is that super/natural? Find something tender.
Fall or Fly
Will we fall, or will we fly? Will we hit the pavement or kiss the blue sky?
These words have been in my head for many years. A song I hear with bells, chimes. I recorded those words and will share them soon…and this reminds me, I need to go back into making my own electronic music again. I’d been intimidated by that idea, until the people I’d been collaborating with pushed me to the point of wanting to do it myself…so as not to rely on others’ whims, moods, or non-transparent M.O.’s.
I have a new project I’ve been working on, and this collaborator truly feels like a friend. We have taken time to share ideas, be transparent, move forward. We share compassion, kindness, and a handful of commonalities — and perhaps this was an earlier error. Past the era of “we both like this kinda music, right?” and moving forward, without discussing ethics, soulfulnesses, time to breathe. Life. We can’t always do this — I understand. But taking the time to do this has helped us to create connections that are more sustainable, and we have created a couple of tracks that have taken time to build together. It is more familial and feels less transactional, even though of course when our singles come out, that will be involved. I am grateful for his friendship. Because things are nascent, I am learning to preserve sacredness, and allow for/respect time and development to unfold first, so I will share more information about this later. Seattle’s a place where coffee takes time (not Portlandia time, but time) and tea takes time. And we SEAfolk (nobody uses that term…just me, weirdo me…), we allow for this. When you land your spaceship here, you need to get with this program…and budget time for this…meaning throw your planning/budget out the window…we’ve got feelies and we’re not afraid to wield them.
Regarding old histories and M.O.’s…this is not just the music business…it’s business. Sometimes people lose a sense of humanity and get stuck in elements of the root chakra from which kind/common sense cannot be retrieved. Call it a blessing and move forward.
So will we — you or I — will we fall, or will we fly? So much of “fight or flight” is supposed to be programmed into our bodies, minds and souls. I can’t fully believe it — can you? There is no “flub” or “free-up,” or other more fun “f-words,” like “fun,” and other such….
We are programmed too for “fun”, for “f__,” for “forward,” and much more. Whether we fall or fly, we keep moving forward. This is what I tell myself.
I’ve got a good little romance going on with myself. I don’t know that another lover is really going to feel secure about my paramour, “me.” So in love with this woman. Learning so much about her. Finding her fascinating — at once mermaid and sailor…it would make a body jealous. So they’d have to tell me I’m weird or they are just not feelin’ me. Ahem. I get it. Yes! I’m sure that’s been the hold-up. ;)
Well I’m serious about one little bit of that shtick. I feel that I am at once a mermaid and a sailor…stopped seeking such types of souls, realizing I am both. So busy with right livelihood and creativity as I continue to accommodate it, be entranced by it, love on up with it, as I would with a lover…and this provides me with such insights.
“Mermaids/They love sailors/Find ’em fascinating/What’s life like, shoreside?” #np Mermaids and Sailors, by Jianda Monique
Nesting is such a lovely idea. Atypical nerd torch singer Muppets such as myself can’t quite find tribe that would do such a thing. This is what “the math” is telling me so far. I was never quite masterful with numbers, so perhaps a recount is in order.
The digressions here are but a seeming. The blog post is entitled “find something tender.” I aim to do so. I heard the words during my class time for my holistic health coursework. Our Sensei said (regarding healing), “Find something tender,” and then do your work. I added (in my mind), ‘and help it heal. Or help it heal itself.’
Find something tender, and help it heal itself. That is all I am ever doing. That is my full-time job. Whether it’s me, music, something creative, some heartsong…it’s not a matter of breaking. Healing, to me, just means “feeling good.” We can always feel yummy about/enjoy/luxuriate in one thing or another. Something tender is easier to access. Tender points…trigger points…these things are tender, both in medical and metaphorical parlance.
Coming into the fullness of my strength and the fallibility of my humanity…I need to fall in love with Spirit, and fly. In a “fall or fly” situation, my mentor reminds me, yes. To activate, attract all I know about generating more good, supply, or opportunity. Slowly, confidence ebbs and flows, despite my producing material at seemingly “superhuman” levels.
And that’s just it: we are all superhuman, and supernatural too. We only, says “science,” use 10 percent of our brains.
Yes…we are human+.
There’s so much goodness, always, afoot and at play. And I forget it, but my spirit never forgets. It’s important to “document the data,” or notice what’s good and EXCLAIM it! Know you can and will always create more goodness. The “documentation” (art, writing, projects, products, think tanks), it helps remind you. Helps your heart and soul. Helps your heart stay soulful.
So we must create new, loving neural pathways to buoy us through this life.
So “Fight or flight” turns to “Fall or fly.” “Rest and digest,” instead of “run for your life.”
Dream: wake up, and write down your dreams. Please.
Lucid dreaming can happen once you wake up. When you write things down, you are paving a neural pathway…going all the way back into your dream state. Establishing or re-establishing memories. Strengthening recall. All of it.
Recently, I dreamt of frogs. Nascent frogs. I could not remove them from my arm. I looked back and there was once one, then two, and I believe it went up to five…people kept remarking on it. They might as well have been tattoos, but they were living, breathing, and inextricable. They were colorful and determined to stay. Ironic, being that the symbology of frogs, according to some, has to do with life’s transience. Nice one. :)
More and more, we remember vivid dreams. your body does not know the difference. So also, “remember with care.” Make it feel good if you’re going to go to the effort to recall it. Tragedy and heartbreak…I have found ways to make that “heal-good and feel good.” Finding meaning, or rendering events, loves, experiences with “magical realism goggles,” it truly changes everything. It’s painting. I’ve just started, also, calling my spoken word artistry, painting. Artist/painter John Francis Peters, a dear friend of mine, also thinks of other artistry (such as production/sound engineering) as painting with sound.
And here I am, painting the days. So many realizations. Just can’t keep track. As things come to the surface, I’ll paint these colors and palpable textures with you, for you, of you…
More findings and “paintings,” below.
What I’m creating/doing now:
Shadows. Not creating them, they exists, regardless. They follow me, us, regardless. I make meaning of them, therefore take many things much less personally. A couple of months ago, I had a very intensely strange faux-doppleganger experience that got me through and past a lot of discomfort with shadows. there is much more Jungian exploration I’d like to do (I explored my animus energy a lot, of late as well) and that will be a forever thing. ❤ I had no idea, until I reapproached the idea for this post today, that my experience with a deep interest/crush on someone was actually doing this Jungian work. I made it into that, without knowing it. I didn’t like thinking of my feelings that way…as a project. They aren’t…this methodology is an exploration, and by definition, it’s one-sided. Things I do within myself are more like archaeological digs…challenges, play, rhapsodies, musings, learnings. Still, sometimes a cigar (crush) is just a cigar (crush) no matter how many fancy-pants words you may try to use, to dress it up. Everything’s both/and/or/more+. Human+.
I danced the tango! Just a few days ago, I danced in a tango class, on the New Moon/new energy time. It impacted me in ways I’m still discovering. It’s something I thought I could never do. Per class feedback, I’m better at it than I realized.
I deserve to/we all deserve to have good experiences, that make us feel good. And we need to feel safe/good publicly sharing them without punishment — many of us are not afforded such a gift. If we can have and share that gift, let us share it without shame. Well you, please…of course, do as you will. This is something I want to learn more about: sharing good experiences and celebrating them, without shame. I seem to “forget to remember” to do this! This is one reason why this blog, why visibility, is so relevant.
things i forget to remember
find something tender and help it heal mantra
This feeling still stands. I need to linger in it for a little while.
#np “so real,” by jeff buckley. “we walked around til the moon got full like a plate/the wind blew an invocation but i fell asleep at the gate.”
what are you doing/creating, now? do tell!
I am open to your thoughts. Please feel free to connect with me.
I welcome you to come chat with me about these ideas. You can respond to this article here at Medium, or connect with me via the Twitter, LinkedIn or Facebook links below. Drop me a line at heartsongs101 @ gmail.com.
Jianda Monique Song of the Moment: archetypal snake
Jianda Monique Spoken Word(s) of the Moment: Gods sweet reflection
songs are poems and poems songs, in my world. sometimes they are interchangeable — ❤
Seattle-Based, Jianda Monique is a musician, artist coach, newbie coder, data wrangler, writer, and so much more . She’s collaborated with acclaimed artists such as Tycho (“Dive”) and her music has been featured on many labels, including Om/Om’s seminal Om Lounge 10 releases.
For the last little while, Jianda’s been creating anywhere from 1–5 song, prose and spoken word ideas…per day! She will be sharing some of these releases throughout this blogging journey. She’s open to networking, creative coaching and project opportunities, and contract/freelance opportunities @LinkedIn.
Caveats regarding this series in particular: at times I disregard/break grammar rules (see Jack Kerouac’s manifesto), and I may also go back and add/remove things from pieces in these series. Often, I will post a draft that does not yet feel completely finished to me, in order to encourage myself to keep writing, and not to have to “do things perfectly,” and stay productive. I will do my best to add #wip and /or #iamwriting hashtags to indicate this. We live in the age of the living document. C’est les mots.
Want to learn more? Come say hi. : o)
The original title of this series was:
Sun, Shine In My Eyes: Loving Creativity & The Quest for Visibility.
Day 1/why I’m doing this:
In the spirit of Laurie Anderson, Marina Abramović, and countless others who’ve done it better — but not like me (thank…medium.com
Read the series here: