dizzy

i’m a top, multicolored stripes spinning in unison

i’m excitement expired, left out too long on the kitchen counter, curdled, turned into anxiety

i’m the sensation of street smells, a mix of sewer and urine and gasoline

i’m the heartbeat that feels the way a car alarm sounds

a five-year old at Disney world, holding on to metal bars, walls, anything my hands can touch, before i throw up outside, onto the damp concrete sidewalk

i’m the aftermath of looking into the sun for too long, the kaleidoscope of colored splotches in my eyes matching the Christmas lights we never took down