Helicopter Pet Parents
A poem
“i was so triggered by him the other night”
says the lady in the perfectly distressed Celine jeans
to a group of her friends
bandanas over their mouths
their dogs bark across the park at each other
i can’t tell if it’s friendly or aggressive
i don’t speak dog
a man jogs by shirtless
his torso is sweaty and it begs for attention
i give in and stare from afar
i hate that i am giving him what he wants
but it’s what i want too
kissing sounds produce spit
pet owners congregate
they update each other on Tofu and Coco
“he took a shit in our bed while we were gone
so now we never leave the house without him”
they love to pamper their poodle
take him to the vet when he eats
a single M&M on the subway
“omg i was soooooooooooooooo worried”
i love to watch these people
imagine for a moment that i am a part of their world
pretend to care about the things they care about
“dude i just couldn’t get my Fitbit to work and it
was really stressing me out”
wow it’s all so aspirational
it moves me
makes the American Dream™ feel within reach
if they can buy an iMac
maybe some day
so can i
