Life is Strange: True Colors Made Me Hyperaware of My Pansexuality
The game so nice I played it twice
Life is Strange was never a series that I felt was strong in the romance department, though that’s a controversial opinion. With the first game, folks were drawn to Max and Chloe’s relationship, but many — including myself — felt that the blue-haired badass was hard to love at times because of her self-destructive tendencies and recklessness. This led to Max saving her life again and again until she realizes that this is exactly what she shouldn’t be doing — or not, if players opt for the ‘Bae’ ending.
Instead, I was more intrigued by Chloe’s relationship with Rachel, though it’s clear that this relationship wasn’t exactly a healthy one either. And I was disinterested in either romantic partner in Life is Strange 2, Finn and Cassidy, as they serve as mostly distractions in Sean’s story.
But Life is Strange: True Colors, on the other hand, does romance a great justice. But for someone who’s pansexual, this was actually a real dilemma. In fact, the writing behind both romantic partners was so strong that I was unable to choose between the two.
There’s a lot of confusion about what pansexuality actually means because it often gets kicked to the backseat by bisexuality. For example, since True Colors’ release, many players have taken the authority to label Alex as a bisexual woman. During Chapter 2, during a cathartic foosball game, Steph will ask Alex, “So are you into girls or what,” leaving her with three dialogue options: yes, no, or both. However, when selecting the “both” option, what Alex actually says is that she’ll “date anybody” if they’re her type.
There’s no proof that Alex is specifically bisexual instead of pansexual, polysexual, sapphic, or other fluid forms of sexuality. She very well could brandish another form of sexuality, but it’s “easier” to some to label her as bi because it’s more naturally understood by the general public as it serves as a sort of umbrella term for sexual fluidity, though there are many debates about the specific definitions in the community.
For many, pansexuality means that someone is attracted to the person, not their gender. Some will also say they don’t “see” gender. Others simply use it to say they are attracted to all genders. This is a definition I’ve been struggling with for quite some time. On one hand, I’m attracted to all genders, including cis, nonbinary, and trans folks. On the other hand, to say I don’t “see” gender or am not attracted to a person’s gender isn’t exactly accurate. I love women because I find them amazing, beautiful, stunning, and powerful in a myriad of forms. This was very much the case with Steph, a confident, passionate, and gorgeous woman who is surprisingly shy in the face of feelings. Still, she knows what she wants, even if she may be a bit impulsive about it because she doesn’t want to waste even a second of her life on something or someone who isn’t worth her time. So when she sees Alex, she knows it’s right. Steph is a whirlwind in her first scene and every moment with her is tense.
But in contrast, Ryan reflected what I specifically like to see in men. In fact, he mirrors many qualities of my wonderful boyfriend, though he’s much more of the tall outdoorsy lumberjack type to my partner’s beer-loving math-and-gaming nerd. Ryan is gentle and patient but cares just as much about the things and people he loves as Steph, but shows it on the surface much less. He’s apprehensive — maybe because Alex is his best friend’s younger sister or perhaps just because he doesn’t share Steph’s level of self-confidence, but it’s charming nonetheless. He’s aware of his place in the world and doesn’t take mistakes lightly, especially in regard to those around him. Ryan’s romance is more of a slow-burn in comparison to his competition but that’s only because he’s thoughtful, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy that kind of relationship. Even, on the off chance you chose to hug Ryan instead, it’s rather sweet and still leaves the possibility of romance up on the table, whereas hugging Steph is a bit more platonically awkward because you can tell that’s not what she’s looking for.
The crossroads of these two romance options don’t come until Chapter 3 after some heartfelt moments with Ryan and Steph separately in Chapter 2. But it comes to a head immediately when they ask you to choose the “hotter distraction.” I sat in front of the TV for twenty minutes trying to decide. Ultimately, I went with Ryan. At this point, I followed my gut that his personality was ultimately more attuned to my attraction realistically, but even then, having to choose between the two was a significant struggle.
And then the LARP rolled around, possibly the best stretch of Life is Strange: True Colors. The whole segment was bewitchingly lovely, and seeing the happiness it brought to the townsfolk of Haven Springs was even more so. It’s possibly the most ambitious gameplay element that former DONTNOD developers have toyed with so far, and it even effectively both drives the story forward, providing an elegant on-the-nose foreshadowing of the game’s true villain, and showcases some of the best qualities of Ryan and Steph.
Ryan is a goofball, afraid that his performance is too silly to be attractive, and again, I was gunning with my decision to finish my first playthrough with the lumberjack as my soulmate.
But the moment that Alex has the chance to propose to Steph in exchange for a valuable quest item — it’s all part of the LARP, of course — was too smooth to pass up. It was unexpected, and Ryan’s romance never encounters the same kind of fervor and impulsivity. He’s painstakingly unhurried in stark contrast, and while I was crushing on him hard, I went with my spontaneous side. And after a painful moment of witnessing Alex throw the foosball bottle at the wall and shattering it into tons of tiny pieces, the choice felt rewarded when Steph unexpectedly apologized for walking away while her grieving friend had a breakdown. “Fuck that,” Steph said, and it was decided. She was getting my rose at the festival.
But that still didn’t stop me from giving True Colors a second pass so I could see how things played out with Ryan. Because of the way the mystery pans out and who the villain ends up being, Ryan’s ending is a bit more complicated. But overall, Steph’s story has more heart, is more urgent, requires more effort, and therefore feels more rewarding and satisfying.
The point is that I do see gender, in this instance, perhaps a bit too well. Life is Strange: True Colors made this personal issue very apparent. Am I a properly pansexual person if this is the case? Since its release, I’ve felt a bit more comfortable calling myself queer, sapphic, or even bisexual as I worry I’m falsely representing the label.
Where does that leave nonbinary and genderfluid people in my vision? I don’t think I’ve gathered enough data to formulate a proper statistical analysis, if you know what I mean. But with the representation DONTNOD and Deck Nine have provided minorities, it wouldn’t be surprising to see the team tackle NB next. After all, players fell in love with Tyler in Tell Me Why, and who knows; the developers have reached audiences in a way no other studio has. Deck Nine even made me think about my sexuality critically. Even if I haven’t come to a firm answer yet, the real gift of Life is Strange is making people feel seen and heard, which is why it was so difficult to ultimately leave Alex, Ryan, and Steph in the end.
