The AC: New Horizons Islanders Ranked From Best To Worst
The ones that I’ve met, that is
She’s just the cutest, I absolutely love her. It’s the adorable little outfits; the woven jumpers, the sweet little hats, her strange little expressions.
Her ‘friend-making strat’ is exactly the same as mine, which is exactly why people don’t want to be friends with me. Never mind, I’ll be friends with Bluebear.
I love Drake, he’s just adorable. He is so sweet. ‘I’m gonna go real hard today! Gonna play hard! Snack hard! Yell “quacko” hard!’ is an absolute mood, and no-one can tell me otherwise. It’s my new catchphrase.
Drake also runs around Sloth Isle with his little wings held out by his side, which reminds me of that weird kid at school who used to Naruto-run around the playground. My boyfriend laughed, when I told him this, and he said that child was definitely me. Which is mean, but also true.
I know he’s categorized as a ‘smug’ islander, but I like him in spite of that. He’s really quite nice, and I like his thoughts on fried dough. I like how his teeth are hanging out of his mouth (he tongue too big for he gotdam mouf). Plus, I like hippos. In English, he says natch, but in German he says hipphipp, which is so cute.
The style of his place is really cool, too. Pocket Camp tells us ‘From wearing the most upscale fashions to reading obscure poetry, Hippeux will do anything to give off the appearance of class and poise. His real name’s Gary. Amazing, just like a lot of people in my philosophy class at university.
A bit forgettable, as she’s a “normal” villager, but she’s friendly, too. She’s easy to get along with. She came to my birthday party (more on that later). I like her cute little outfits. The freckles are adorable.
She’s a very sweet little white goat with horns. Next week, Sheldon will probably be exploiting her for a goat yoga class, where a bunch of basic-looking white women will suddenly appear on Sloth Isle with yoga mats in front of the town hall, and do yoga while Chevre jumps around the place. Thanks, I hate it.
I love him, but he won’t come and live in my island – he’s visited via the campsite a few times, but apparently Sloth Isle isn’t cool enough for him. Okay then, sure…(admittedly, he’s right). Or, it might just be because he’s a ‘lazy-type’ villager, and he doesn’t really do much apart from laze around the place, so he can’t be bothered to jump ship and move here. However, lazy villagers conflict with jock villagers like Sheldon, and I absolutely despise the jocks, so it’s all good with me.
Sheldon is very irritating, I don’t like him. His little catchphrase is “cardio”. How is a squirrel doing cardio? Cardio. He’s a massive gym-freak, and like all massive gym-freaks, he annoys me a lot. Someone needs to tell him that working out isn’t a personality trait. Does he have to stand in front of the town hall to work out? Show off.
Diva is supposedly a ‘sisterly’ islander but she’s a bit of…well, a diva. Apparently, villagers classed as ‘sisterly’ give you medicine when you’re stung by a bee, and are generally quite caring. Someone needs to tell Diva this, because I’m pretty sure she just laughs in my face when the spicy flies get me. She’s a bit too big for her boots, I think. She would have better off being classed as a ‘smug’ islander, because she’s smug as hell. She did attend my Sloth Isle birthday party, so she ranks a little higher than she would otherwise because of that. However, Bluebear organized it, so she doesn’t get that many Brownie points.
Snooty villagers annoy me. Please go away, I run this island. She’s very rude; why is she being so passive-aggressive? Why is she doing weights in front of the town hall? Oh my God, I hate her.
He genuinely shouted in my face today about honey. I would like Harry to keep a two-metre distance from me at all times…we don’t have coronavirus in Sloth Isle, I just don’t like him. Please leave me alone.
Absolutely terrifying character. Why is her expression so blank? Is she hollow like a coconut — is that why her name is Coco? I met this islander when I visited my friend Jake’s island of Valyria. At that moment, as Nietzsche said, I stared into the abyss, and the abyss stared back at me. And the abyss’ name was Coco. I joke, he didn’t say that last bit. But he would have, if he had visited Valyria when I did. Coco terrifies me, although she seems quite sweet. Her facial expression doesn’t change at all. She just stares blankly at you. You could be streaking naked through Sloth Isle, and she would still stare blankly at you. She looks faintly reminiscent of the gyroids, who I didn’t really like. I don’t understand — all of the characters are animals. Then there is only one human — your character. Why are there some nonhuman, nonanimal things too? What is going on, ACNH?