Identity is a complex and multifaceted concept, especially for multiracial individuals who may not fit into the traditional racial boxes created by society. Checking a box on a form that identifies me as both white and Asian does not capture the complexity of my experiences as a wasian, mixed/multiracial, and racially ambiguous person. My experience feels like it’s defined moment to moment based on whatever people unintentionally or intentionally say to me, creating a lot of confusion and insecurity about my identity. Being different from the standard of monoracial has led me to have a lot of racial dysmorphia. Some days I can feel super Asian and look super Asian, and the next I can feel super white and look super white based on the way I act, perceive myself, dress, do my makeup, and the people I hang around with. I feel different every day, and every time I have an experience unique to being a mixed person, it contributes to me feeling more and more like just “other.” I want to point out that being mixed usually comes with more privilege if you are half white. But I also want people to understand that it tends to create a more confusing self-identity than those who are one race and are perceived as that race.
This past week during a Q and A Oxy panel I was part of, one man asked another panelist what it was like to be an Asian American on campus. This is one of many prime examples of what it is like to be multiracial and/or ambiguous. Was that man not able to tell I was Asian? What did he think I was? Does that mean I don’t have experiences as an Asian American if I am not perceived as Asian? What about the people that look at me and only think I’m Asian? I feel like the only people that understand me are other multiracial people, but even then, every mixed person’s experience is so unique and based on their combination of races, which race they look more like, which parent is which race, how their siblings look in relation to them and more. All of this ultimately contributes to the way the world perceives them and the way they perceive themselves.
It is unfortunate that the world still tries to force individuals into racial boxes, even when it is clear that they don’t fit into them. Being constantly perceived differently day-to-day can create a lot of confusion and insecurity about my identity, making it difficult to feel comfortable in my own skin. I try to remember that how I feel about myself should not be dictated by outside perspectives but rather by my own self-perception but its still hard. I relate to the immigrants and refugees in Germany in this way: the disconnect between outside perception, self perception, and true identity all under the critical eye of bystanders — constantly at their mercy of giving their unsolicited opinions that have the capacity to dismantle our identity and belonging. I was particularly shocked by how one of the interviewees that was a refugee in Germany constantly gets asked “Have you integrated yet?” People really just say whatever and don’t realize how that compounding effect can really hurt people’s sense of racial and ethnic identity. I really related to that.
We are living in a world where interracial marriages have only been legal since the 1950s, and therefore society is still getting used to the idea that monoracial people are not the only people that exist. We are living in a world where immigration is politically contested every single day and therefore society is also still getting used to the idea that people can be from one place and live in another.
Overall, the increasing number of multiracial individuals and immigrants in the world means that society needs to evolve to accommodate this diversity. It’s important to acknowledge and embrace the unique racial and ethnic experiences of each individual and to work towards a more inclusive and accepting society where we aren’t trying to force self identity into a box.
