CW 26 2020 | The secret to survival
Originally published on Wordpress
The happiness of those who want to be popular depends on others; the happiness of those who seek pleasure fluctuates with moods outside their control; but the happiness of the wise grows out of their own free acts.
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
I was going to write this post initially about happiness — and how to consciously live through this life we’re forced to (in a way, no one asked / wanted to be born). But it turned out a bit dark, as I re-read the whole gist I got (for myself) was: The ones who are happy / seem to be happy aren’t searching for meaning in their life — they’re just busy with things that they think are important to them (but can honestly be categorized as trivial / nonsensical from an alternate perspective) and eventually they die. So if you really want to be “happy” — I know of only one way — just fake it till you make it — if you pretend you are happy, and keep pretending long enough — one day you’ll forget that you are pretending. :)
And if that wasn’t dark / actionable advice for you probably these 3 “Methods & Messages” (M&M’s) might be more relatable:
M&M #1 -> There’s no such thing as fate. After a certain point of time in life, we make our own choices (even not making a choice is a conscious choice of inaction). If we’re silent enough, we can listen to our own true voice. It’s very easy to ignore that voice — because it is never telling us to maintain status quo, and all of us, unconsciously reject inertia. But unhappiness is a result of that voice being silenced, over and over again.
You’re not living your true life, if you ignore that voice. And the person living this life is not the “true you”.
M&M#2 -> Say NO. Without feeling guilty.
I think a very short maxim — but can be explained with examples, as that might make it easier to implement it. Ask why. Often. Remember what happened the last time you wanted to say NO, but you didn’t. Be upfront. Tell them you have something else which has higher priority right now. It doesn’t mean you don’t love / respect / want to connect with the other person anymore. Tell them you’re trying to stay true to something too important to forget. Know your time is limited.
Know that this will all end someday. Then decide how you want to spend your limited time. And stick to the plan.
M&M #3 -> Don’t want to increase the length of this blog — so linking back to an earlier article — Read the “Calvin & Hobbes” part of this again. :)
(Important takeaway: “Happiness” is a result, not the end goal. Be yourself — or constantly try to introspect within — rest of the stuff follows, if you stick to your course long enough.)
The Secret to h̸a̸p̸p̸i̸n̸e̸s̸s̸ survival? Be a wallflower
Source: Urban Dictionary
Wallflower (n.): A wallflower is a person who is introverted and is separate from the crowd, usually at a party. Not particularly shy but are reserved when surrounded by a lot of people and big personalities. Not really knowing what to say so can come across as socially awkward. This person will blend in and become almost invisible to others. They choose to stand back rather than getting involved as they prefer to observe. They have no desire to be the centre of attention.
Generally they are quite happy in themselves and accept being different. Wallflowers can be creative and wise.
A wall may be ordinary and unnoticeable but a flower is associated with beauty and can be rare, you won’t truly learn until you get close.
And again, I know the above part might not be immediately recognizable, but try being a wallflower to your own life (whatever your personality type might be).
And yeah, watch the movie “Perks of being a wallflower” after a heartbreak, after a major life event, after a sudden tragic loss — and especially in moments when you’re super low — it will give you the kind of hope (if you connect with the movie) which will show you the light at the end of the tunnel in some of your darkest times. (It has for me.)
I hope everyone finds their own version of Patrick and Sam.
Now — this blog post is already too long, and I cannot hope everyone’s attention span will keep up for so long (especially with me being so meta / abstract about so many things) — so let me quote / show some of writer-director Stephen Chbosky’s gems — hopefully he can be more eloquent and relatable and connect with you than I ever could. :)
“It was the kind of kiss that made me know that I was never so happy in my whole life.”
Before I sign off with the last video in this heavily non-verbal last section, so here’s the secret to survival — for me personally, no art beats this cathartic movie ending. There is so much meaning put into this and the ending really made me feel hopeful (even more than Shawshank Redemption or any other iconic movie). At multiple points in time, I’ve struggled with life in my own private mind and just the usual coming-of-age problems of finding yourself, quarter-life-crises that are intensified when either no one listens, or worse, no one understands.
But this ending should help anyone who connects with the movie / book realize that (in all honesty) we are all individuals who are precious and beautiful (to a select circle / broad audience depending on how influential we are) in our own unique way, and no one else can and should tell you otherwise.
Strive to be the best self you can be. That’s what I see Charlie start to do in this ending. He admits his struggles, but he also is able to find the good in the bad. I still get goosebumps every time I see the visuals and really assimilate the words.
Also, probably out of context, but tears are words of the heart that the brain can’t express. RIP Sushant — I hoped you’d be the next SRK, but you’ll always be the first SSR.
~
Sometimes I feel like if you just watch things, just sit still and let the world exist in front of you — sometimes I swear that just for a second time freezes and the world pauses in its tilt. Just for a second. And if you somehow found a way to live in that second, then you would live forever.
~
― Lauren Oliver, Pandemonium
