Random Rantings #3 — Solitude
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I’ve heard fate talked of. It’s not a word I use. I think we make our own choices.
I think how we live our lives is our own doing, and we cannot fully hope on dreams and stars.
But dreams and stars can guide us, perhaps. And the heart’s voice is a strong one. Always is.
Your heart’s voice is your true voice.
It is easy to ignore it, for sometimes it says what we’d rather it did not — and it is so hard to risk the things we have.
But what life are we living, if we don’t live by our hearts? Not a true one. And the person living it is not the true you.
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- Susan Fletcher, Corrag
Solitude. This topic wasn’t randomly chosen today, and neither is this a spontaneous rant. This one was long time pending but got postponed due to travelling and gaming in the last two weeks, on my side. Writers procrastinate for one, and invent a writer’s block where there’s none. 😉
Got the time to finally write it, when my poor eating habits caused me to take a day off work. Just resting in bed, not being able to do your routine, knowing that your backlog is piling up. Makes you think. Not only about life, universe and everything. But where you are and what you are doing in your life currently.
And so I wrote.
Some of us simply cannot be ‘people persons’, however hard we try to become one. But people in your life might be a ‘you’ person. As in, they want to talk to you, need some part of your time for themselves. However, all of us have only 24 hours and who we give our time to, speaks volumes about our priorities in life.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we should divide our time according to the importance of people, but not deciding who we prioritize in our life, is also a decision unto itself.
And there’s a very marked difference between Solitude and Loneliness.
Imagine not working from your regular office. Not even your home, which is a familiar place. But an isolated, kind of an empty office. Devoid of any crowd whatsoever. Fewer people around you, lesser energy and time you spent in general socializing.
Being alone, and being alone comfortably is the best way to start listening to your heart. Where there is no external noise to drown out your inner voice. In a world where we all try to figure out our place and our purpose here, our passions are one of our most obvious guides.
I don’t want to romanticize this idea, but the effectiveness of this state of increased efficiency cannot be ignored. Yes, collaboration is good, but only up to a certain limit. After a certain point, when all is said and done, you need to roll up your sleeves and DO the actual work. In the end, it’s the combined efforts, made individually which will move mountains.
Granted, you cannot achieve greatness alone. So once your battery is recharged, this quota of ‘isolation’ complete, you have to return to the big, noisy world. Kind of like coming out of a dark movie hall and into the light. The sudden change hits you.
The fighting never stops in the fighting pits. The rat race goes on, with or without you. You cannot stay away too long if you want to be in the game.
And so we fight on, not literally compared to our ancestors, but figuratively. The struggle is real. Because sometimes you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable. And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button. Maybe some day you’ll find the courage to break away from all this. Just walk away. But today is not that day. And tomorrow won’t be either. 🙂
I watched two movies this weekend — ‘Scent of a Woman’. Al Pacino’s character, Lt. Col. Slade puts it bluntly — “ when the shit hits the fan, some guys run and some guys stay.” So don’t run for cover, ever. Stand up and face the music.
The second movie was ‘Killa’, a Marathi movie. It’s such a beautiful, beautiful film. They say excellence is in simplicity. That’s the case with Killa (Killa is the Marathi word for ‘Fort’). It is so simple in every aspect and unfolds great philosophy so simply.This kind of purity is so rare in our films. An extraordinary film about ordinary lives.
For one, the cinematography leaves you speechless, awakening within you the dormant wanderlust that will make you want to leave everything and just surround yourself with nature. (The English language has some amazing words. Drapetomania (n.) — An overwhelming urge to run away.)
The film left me with a severe case of ‘Drapetomania’. It captures the natural beauty of a Konkan seaside village, without ever making it seem too unbelievably lush, no ‘synthetic filters’ applied.
Don’t miss this film. It is one of those precious little watches that’s capable of giving a quick bout of spring cleaning to your heart, bringing out a few uncomfortable emotions that one otherwise keeps tucked in untouched corners. And if you are lucky, you get a joyride back to your carefree, childhood days too.
The days where you understand what it meant to be lonely when you came to a place where you had to start over with no friends.
The days when you would lie to your parents, be rude to them, take them for granted, say and do whatever you wish. And still be loved unconditionally.
Being angry with people is good comparatively, it’s temporary, you can just vent out your anger and move on. It’s disappointment that’s difficult to walk away from.
I know what it feels like, and it sucks, it really does, when you are up in the middle of the night thinking about the things that you’ve suddenly became aware of. The things you’re missing out on right now, and all the people who are not close to you anymore, and all of the good times that will never happen again, and all the people who have meant the world to you who have forgotten about you forever, and you get this awful feeling that’s kind of like a mix between loneliness and nostalgia.
Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.
But then there comes a person or a set of persons whom you always have something to tell. And amazingly, they listen to everything you say.
🙂 Solitude is fine but you need someone to tell you that solitude is fine.
And that’s when you understand why…
being alone never felt right. Sometimes it felt good, but never felt right.
Originally published at http://jondoe297svj.wordpress.com on July 22, 2015.
