What you learn when you use your target language
It only took me a few minutes to realize it: I was in over my head. I was looking for a challenge and I had found it. It was a Tuesday and the first time I attended a business event that would be entirely in Spanish, my second language. I introduced myself and was given a name tag to wear. There were two tables available and, not wanting to seem anti-social, I sat down at the one that already had some people. I sat in the corner in a white chair not realizing the rest of the chairs were brown. Eventually, I would find out why.
I speak Spanish. I have been living in Colombia for almost three years and I live with my Colombian partner. We speak Spanish every day in my home and I use it when I go out. People understand me when I speak and, although I make many mistakes, I can almost always express what I need to express.
Contrary to most language learners I know, I have more difficulty understanding others when they speak in Spanish. The most challenging conversations are with new people before I become accustomed to their way of speaking.
Nonetheless, when I was invited to participate in a business lunch at my local co-working space, I decided to give it a try.
I sat down and was immediately welcomed by my peers. One man asked me what I did and I briefly explained my business. I talked about how I coach people to communicate more clearly in English and I was there to practice the very skills I teach. When I asked him the same question, he immediately launched into his brief pitch and gave me a card.
I understood about half of what he said.
But what was the problem? I understand the language and I even understood most of the words he used. But I still could not have told you what he did after his 2-minute speech.
So what happened?
First, I wasn’t ready. Before lunch, I had been working with clients and speaking entirely in English. I had forgotten to give myself time to make the mental shift from one language to the other. As a result, I was left smiling and nodding as his words passed through my head without comprehension.
Second, the vocabulary was new to me. It turns out he was a lawyer working in corporate compliance. I understood he was a lawyer, but when he explained what exactly he did, there were many words that I hadn’t heard before. Moreover, I hardly understand the role of corporate lawyers in my own language.
To be clear, the failure to communicate with this person was entirely my fault. There is no reason he should change the way he speaks to accommodate me in that context. We were at a Spanish-language networking event, and it was my responsibility to adapt.
Luckily, this type of situation is what I’m good at. It is the exact situation I train others to manage and I knew what to do. However, knowing what to do and applying your knowledge can be completely different.
Lunch began with more small talk and the event organizers explained how things would work. The purpose of the lunch was to express the biggest problems you faced in your business and to brainstorm ideas for overcoming the challenge. The first person to share at each table would be the one sitting in the “hot seat.”
Guess which one was the hot seat?
Needless to say, after many mistakes and misunderstandings, the lunch was over. I felt, not for the first time, those feelings that so many of my clients have described to me. I felt ashamed for not being able to communicate more clearly, I felt embarrassed when I had to ask someone to repeat themselves.
But, as I also tell my clients, those feelings of uncertainty, feeling like everyone else cannot understand you either and they wish you hadn’t come to the meeting, existed only in my head.
Multiple participants approached me toward the end. They spoke to me as they spoke to each other, asking for my insights as a business owner and not even mentioning my Spanish ability. Several commented on my courage for entering the situation and I left with several new professional contacts.
In the end, I was happy I accepted this challenge. A year ago, I would have stayed far away from an event like this one. But today, I would gladly attend another.
What did I learn?
The experience reinforced the lessons that I teach to my clients and that I practice myself. It was a reminder that we should accept every challenge that comes our way.
First, you don’t have to speak perfectly to communicate in a language. My own speeches were full of mistakes, and I was occasionally asked to clarify. However, most of the time the conversation moved along despite my mistakes. The impact of small mistakes in conversation is minimal, and you must learn not to let them stress you out to continue growing as a communicator.
Next, you must practice conversation skills, not just language skills, to be a successful communicator. At some point, which you have likely already passed if you are reading this, everyone needs to put down the textbooks, stop watching videos and start applying their language to real situations.
How did I respond to the lawyer when I didn’t understand his speech? I used the skills I’ve collected over the years of practice and experience. The same skills I use in my native language to avoid miscommunication.
For example, respond to what you do understand. As I mentioned, I understood parts of his pitch. So I responded by asking him questions about those specific points. Just by showing interest, I allowed him to speak more and explain in more detail to give myself the chance to understand more clearly.
Showing interest and listening is the best way to keep a conversation going. I followed his speech by asking simple questions such as “How long have you been working in that area?” or “What industries do most of your clients come from?”
Over time, I was able to form a clearer picture of his work and he was more than happy to talk about his business. After all, that is what he was there to do.
Finally, remind yourself that your perception and the perception of others are often completely different. Where you feel insecure, others often perceive you as brave. If you feel your language is inadequate, others may want to know more about your area of expertise.
More often than not, you are the only one that feels embarrassed about your language skills.
Remember to allow yourself to accept the praise of others and to congratulate yourself for accepting the challenge. Focus on the victories instead of the little mistakes. The feelings of inadequacy will not disappear overnight, but having the confidence to accept the next challenge will help you on your way to confident communication.
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