Year-ning for More

by Devika Bedi

My name is Devika and I’m a 21 year old who loves drawing fish and drinking coffee. In March 2015, I finished my schooling at Centre for Learning in Bangalore. I decided to take a ‘Year On’ gap year after that to explore my interests and figure out what I really want to learn and how.

I had decided that I would spend the year doing some specific internships in my two main areas of interest-education and craft. The year had its own agenda and decided to take me on a different journey, full of surprises.

I worked in a variety of spaces. My first internship was with a preschool in Gurgaon, where I spent my time doing art activities with 2–4 year olds. After that, I spent a substantial amount of time at a craft studio in Bangalore, where I learnt some skills in clay work and handmade jewellery. Soon after, I worked with another small school in Bangalore. The process of working with very young children taught me a lot about curiosity, play, structure, learning styles and also about myself.

Then I decided to step out of comfort zone and worked with a teacher training organization in Gurgaon. My last internship was with a theatre based group that worked with adolescents from a basti in Delhi, where I worked on logistics and helped set up a mentorship program.

One thing I learnt about the world was that the boundaries of ‘mainstream’ and ‘alternative’ are limited to structures and don’t extend to people. While working in a teacher training program in a mainstream school, I realized that people can be understanding- irrespective of the system they are in. I found myself observing, participating and giving feedback to people who were definitely more experienced and qualified than me. The respect, love and acceptance made me feel valued and I got to learn a lot more than an ‘intern’ position might indicate.

Unexpected incidents also took place during my explorations. Once morning I found a snake outside the crafts studio I was working at. I was fascinated to see that my mentor’s cat was quietly sitting next to the snake and watching it devour a squirrel. The lack of fear in the cat was so enthralling, that I found myself watching the beauty of nature in awe. This was one of the few times that unpredictability gave me a pleasant surprise.

The year was a powerhouse of learning- especially about myself. Readiness became a dominant theme during that time. I was very ambitious and decided to go to a whole new city to work with an education based publishing house. This didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to and I left my 3 month commitment within 5 days. In retrospect it was quite an important lesson in judging my level of readiness. I realized how much I took my support system for granted and how lost and alone I felt in a new place.

I also learnt about ownership. My first few internships were spent in places where I played a very specific role. I valued my role, but I never had a strong sense of ownership before working at Aagaaz in Nizamuddin Basti. I started playing a very crucial part in the organization and saw myself involved at every level. It challenged my rigidity and allowed me to accept my inclination to want to work with older children/youth as well. Towards the end of it, I felt that I could continue doing this for the rest of my life. This made me question my need to go to college at all.

There was a low period of emotional turmoil and inactivity. The lack of direction and productivity was very challenging for me. I also realized that it was a relatively lonely journey, without the consistent peer group. All my friends now had colleges and commitments of a different kind that I found highly unrelatable. I didn’t feel that I could contribute to their conversations anymore.

This is when I also began to value the gap year and it became something I recommended to all younger friends. I understood the beauty of a moment in life when you have primarily yourself to fall back on. At a young age, it gave me an opportunity to make decisions that only I would be accountable for. There was no longer a structure or system to blame. I started learning about my relationship with inactivity and low productivity. I think, coming to terms with that is beneficial in its own way.

Personally, I felt that my understanding of my support system strengthened while I dealt with the ambiguities the year threw on me. I remember my lack of confidence, when I decided to quit the idea of college and continue on a similar journey. This was when a friend reassured me by telling me that he had seen me structure before, and that I could stick with it. In certain ways, that feeling of being supported by my friends, mother, uncle and aunt was nothing short of wonderful.

Lastly, my need for a community was something I accepted towards the end of the year. A lot of my inhibitions seemed to be coming from there. That might be the reason why I decided to become a Khoji at Swaraj University, Udaipur.

At the moment, I’m looking forward to new adventures, epiphanies and struggles and perpetually yearning for more.

At the moment, I’m looking forward to new adventures, epiphanies and struggles and perpetually yearning for more.