Sweary Mommy
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Sweary Mommy


My Roaches Are My Children

Why Elizabeth and I chose to adopt

Elizabeth had her heart set on buying a Madagascar hissing cockroach from a breeder in Pennsylvania. I couldn’t bring myself to do this. Why buy when there are so many neglected insects in desperate need of a forever home?



Sweary Mommy is the poor man’s Scary Mommy — salty as f*ck, fun, and geared toward millennial parents, teachers, and caregivers. So give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to pee free — of small children who insist on being in the godd@mn bathroom with us.

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Hewlett Patterson Linkwater

Anti-psychotic drug enthusiast. Author of “Channeling Hypomania in Aruba” and other stories. Creator of the Blackborow Station Podcast.