It’s time to stop blaming social media for the problems in relationships
Swiping Right Lesson #1
Imagine trying to teach yourself mathematics. You see the formula sheet, so you understand how something should work, right?
But, if no one tells you how X and Y should work together, or why cos and sin are some degrees apart, you wouldn’t really understand how to insert yourself into the formula.
Learning how to navigate dating and relationships works the same way as learning a topic, like mathematics, except you have to teach yourself. The dates act as the quizzes. Based on your performance on these quizzes, you then must decipher what you did right and what you did wrong.
When you finally find a single person that you want focus on, you then continuously study that subject until that final test. This test decides if this subject is going to become long-term study, or relationship. Without the adequate tools to prepare for your exam, you likely will not perform very well and have to start over again.
Just like math, we shouldn’t have to teach yourself how to successfully navigate and grow healthy relationships. Yet, we try to do so anyway.
Social media is a tool that was created for us to network further than we ever thought could network before. However, such a powerful tool comes with responsibility and accountability. Social media can’t be the reason a relationship ends, or is unhealthy, especially when every decision is controlled by each and every one of us.
We must be cognizant of how we have learned to navigate relationships and how our actions impact how we grow and interact with those around us. For a majority of people, the way we learned how to do things started at home.
When people ask me why I’m obsessed with marriage and love, I tell them I’m surrounded by it. I was privileged enough to grow up in a two-parent household with a strong family support system. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
As my dad recalls the story of when he met my mom, I see his eyes light up. He is smiling the entire time and always, always, ALWAYS starts with
You know, she gave me her number that day. I still have the piece of ripped paper she wrote her number on to this day.
He then goes on to dig through his bed-side table to find this little sheet of paper in the back corner, under 20 years-worth of irrelevant items.
The first chapter and the last chapter of my book are two stories of hurt, strength, forgiveness, and love. I wanted my book to be real, not romanticized. I share the story of a 23-year marriage from the eyes of a 6-year-old, in witnessing what I now know was the weakest point of my parents’ relationship. However, hurt, strength, forgiveness, and love were the backbone of this relationship.
As I grew up, I realized my perfect home wasn’t so perfect because no ones is. I realized the realities of love and its second cousin, pain. I realized that love is beyond the kisses Mommy and Daddy shared. Love was forgiveness and strength. My parents embodied all of these components; little did I know that as much as the love I witnessed impacted my obsession today, the hurt and pain also impacted how I navigate my own relationships.
None of us are perfect and we are constantly learning how to build healthy relationships. It’s important to remember that our new modes of communication and socializing are not what makes us human. It enhances what makes us human. We are all navigating relationships and finding new ways to create new connections that will allow us to connect deeper than an LED screen.
Want to know the vulnerable story my parents let me share in my book? Pre-order Swiping Right on Amazon now! bit.ly/Swiping-Right
