Creativity is ego

“Honey, I’m going to Denver for a week. You’ll have to fend for yourself.”

YASSSSS! A whole week all to myself! \o/

So much time for activities! I will write, I will code, I will read, I will do somersaults in bed. So much freedom, so much opportunity, such a short to-do list. I’ll bang it out by Tuesday and stay bored all week!

Last week, every dinner was biscuits. I lost 3 pounds. 😬

I wrote less than usual. I didn’t even open Emacs.

I did read 5 pages of a Paris Review that’s been sitting on my nightstand for three months.

And I watched even more Netflix than usual. Did you know Anthony Bourdain went to Myanmar and that Myanmar is the same as Burma and that a lot of high school kids over there are dropping out so they can instead sell overpriced postcards to tourists? Now you do. And they have great food.

But I wasn’t eating delicious Myanmarese food. Oh no. I was eating the same old biscuits I’d been eating all week. Getting spoiled on girlfriend’s cooking I am.

Main objective: Write all the things

Writing all the things didn’t happen.

Did you know that Chris Evans is not adapting well to his new role as a TV show host, and that Matt LeBlanc is slowly becoming better at hosting Top Gear but that neither of them quite Gets It™?

Or that the Paris Review has been around for over 200 issues, which come out quarterly? That’s more than 50 years. Hmmm …

In other words: I did very little writing. I spent a lot of time “writing”, but I did very little actual writing.

After a lot of sitting around, staring at the ceiling, and not writing, I think I know why. I write my best when I’m running away from the world. Hiding.

It’s all about dodging anything and everything that looks like Normal Life™. Creating goes best when you play the diva.

“Ugh, we’re just watching Netflix!? No, this is a waste of time! I have to write.”

“Ugh, we’re just playing with our phones!? This is dumb. I have to write.”

“Ugh, you make me spend time with our friends!? I don’t have time for this. I have to write.”

“Ugh, meetings!? This is stupid. I have to code.”

Then you storm out of the room, plomp your arse down, and type furiously on the keyboard until Creativity comes out. Sometimes it’s right away, sometimes it’s soon enough, but it always happens in the end.

Creating is easiest when you’re defiantly not doing something else. When you’re in a rush to get away from all those normals. When you rush to feel like a creative genius. A rush to feel the rush.

It’s ego. Deep down, you’re just an ass who has to make sure everyone around him knows what a creative fucking snowflake he is.

The world will most certainly stop and everything will go to shit if someone interrupts you while you’re thinking deeply and working real work. Surely.

PS: I write about being a better engineer and creative every week. You should subscribe by email.