1:1 Tips: Addressing Internal Blocks
Going into management
When I first started as a manager, my thoughts when helping a report through a challenging situation would be along the lines of okay, what do I do now? This was usually accompanied with a sense of anxiousness and worry about being found out that I had no idea what I was doing. Becoming a manager required me to learn a new set of skills around growing people, and there was a lot to cover.
I realized that it’s one thing to ask questions to talk through a situation with a report, but another to actually help them resolve their own issues when they can. I noticed that sometimes it was difficult for people to take the first step towards a solution, even if the first step was small. This happened to me too, where I’d procrastinate or convince myself the issue wasn’t such a big deal… which would work for a short while before I was frustrated again.
Another situation I noticed was people imposing self defined limitations. These limitations sounded like I need to become more technical first or I need a year of experience in this domain before I can do this or I need to be really prepared and feel confident before talking to experts. A rebuttal from me didn’t do much to help the thoughts go away either. Maybe it helped make them feel slightly better in the moment, but those thoughts were still present.
So, when the opportunity to enroll in life coach school came up, I took it. The process has been transformational for me, in terms of personal and professional growth. I learned more about myself than I imagined (or planned) I could. Plus, I now have techniques for setting intentional goals, ways to stay accountable, uncovering and/or removing blocks, and moving people towards action. Essentially, I learned techniques on how get out of my head and live as the person I want to be.
As a coach, I studied the different internal blocks people have which make taking action a challenge. Internal blocks are deep, lurking, beliefs created from prior experiences and designed to protect people from experiencing negative emotions. This can be useful, but can also limit us from achieving our potential.
Identifying the underlying beliefs that are holding you or your report back is the first step towards addressing them. However, it’s vitally important that the self discovery is initiated and wanted by that person. It won’t serve your report (or whoever you’re talking to) if you tell them to change their beliefs about their success, abilities, or self worth. They need to buy into the idea of rephrasing or removing the belief themselves. You can ask, would you like to address this situation/feeling/thought today? to get buy in.
Identifying internal blocks
How do you know if there is an internal block at play? Some common signs include:
- Feeling like you’re not adding value or that there’s a constant weight on your shoulders
- Feeling distracted or disengaged from work
- Feeling guilty
- Avoiding making decisions
- Believing that you need to fight to get what you want
- Experiencing annoyance, anger, or frustration at another person or situation
It’s important that if these signs are pervasive or appear even after some attempts to help, that you recommend a mental health professional to help resolve the underlying issues. Assuming pervasiveness is not the case, here are some questions you can ask to help move people out of their internal blocks. Make sure you’re asking these with a tone of curiosity, not judgement! You can also ask yourself these questions if you catch yourself feeling an internal block.
- How true is what you’re saying, really?
- What makes that true for you?
- I’m curious, what evidence do you have to support what you’re saying?
- How would your life be different if you believed something else?
- How might what you’re saying limit you?
- What’s another way to look at ___?
- What else might be going on in this situation?
- What might be some other possible interpretations regarding ____?
- How would someone else (your close friend, colleague) say about what happened?
All of these questions are made to help people step outside of the story they’re telling themselves and consider the story or belief from a more detached state. It’s from this meta level where they can better evaluate how that story or belief is impacting them and decide if it’s something they want to keep.
Moving towards action
During the time when you’re exploring the belief with your report, it’s helpful to acknowledge and validate their experience. This helps make people feel heard and understood. It doesn’t mean going along with the story that they’re telling themselves, but rather acknowledging that what they believe is perfectly normal and makes sense. You could say “It makes perfect sense for you to feel or think ____ based on your experiences.” At this point, it’s helpful to hold back from sharing your own experiences so they can have the space to talk about themselves. This way you can have a meaningful and deeper conversation about what’s really holding them back.
After exploring the issue, you can then transition into questions that help people consider actions:
- Where would you like to go from here?
- What’s something you could do in the next week that could help your situation?
- What’s the ideal state you’d like to be in? What are some things you can do to get there?
- What might come up that could block you? How can we address those?
- What are other resources you could tap to help you?
- What did you learn about yourself? How would you like to use those learnings?
And finally, wrap up with some questions to help folks stay accountable:
- How would you like to stay accountable?
- How can I support you in your next steps?
- When can we check in on this?
Since I’ve started incorporating coach training into management, I’ve found that my 1:1s are richer and deeper. We uncover layers of motivation and feelings beneath initial surface issues.
Try these questions! I’d love to hear more about your experiences with helping people overcome blocks and challenges.
