3 Ways to Alter Your Fate from Hostage Negotiator, Chris Voss. When battling for your venture.
Heroic communication & connection tactics.
I see what you’re up against.
People are wary of your free trial or bribe to subscribe. They ignore your email pitches and cold calls. Suspicious over what you want, and the expectations of “yes”.
What’s going on?
People have been burned by manipulation.
Now they’re taking out frustrations on you. You’re paying the price for hurt caused by manipulation.
Because others who manipulate also use the same popular marketing strategies –you’ve blended in. You don’t stand out as someone who’s trustworthy, and actually cares about everyone you do business with.
That’s not all.
Ignoring you hurts the people you target. They’re stuck with options that aren’t working, and competitors who don’t care whether they manipulate, deceive or upset them.
Heroic Communication & Connection Tactics.
After Chris Voss serves as the lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI, he moved on to teach business negotiation in an MBA program. His negotiation techniques work for battling the impact of manipulation.
3 heroic communication tactics for gaining an unfair advantage.
1. Entice others to like you.
Until people know you -they don’t see you as different from others who manipulate and deceive them.
Voss warns relators and others in sales that when you know a lot about your clients but you’re a stranger to them… they’re not enticed to like, care or trust you.
According to Dr. Robert Cialdini, author of “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion”, people are more inclined to say yes to people they like. Four qualities that influence liking you are attractiveness, similarity, praise and familiarity. –Derek Gaunt
Tips for enhancing these four qualities and decreasing resistance.
- Your attractiveness also includes your tone of voice, delivery, character and sincerity.
Because emotions come through your spoken and written voice, getting feedback will let you know if any tones come across that cause friction. For example, condescending, harsh, arrogant, lack of compassion or disinterested.
It’s also helpful to know if you’re communicating with or at others.
Do you come across as caring? Emotionally calm? Actively listening?
Keep in mind people are critical of anyone who seems too perfect or appears as a ‘superman / superwoman’. Sharing flaws improves how others feel about their own flaws.
- Research for similarities with people you’re communicating with. Bring these up subtlety through highlighting similar traits or embedded in a brief story, i.e. Share about something relevant your dog did if they have a dog or like dogs.
- Because no one receives enough praise, you’ll stand out and trigger positive memories for praising others.
- Slowing down the conversation and process while engaging in rapport, speeds up connections. Rapport strengthens when you let the other person talk first and you listen.
People pick up on your intention and authenticity.
2. Prove you understand people by deepening empathy.
People want to be understood.
Voss uses the term Tactical Empathy to let others know you’ve heard them.
- As you listen and research, make note of what others complain about, blame you for, get frustrated over, protest, etc.
- But instead of using their language, you reverse their language from negative to positive, or vice versa.
How? By reciting back the opposite of every ‘like’ and ‘dislike’. To state whatever they value.
“It sounds like you like…….(fill in the opposite quality)”
- Then, PAUSE.
It’s counter-intuitive since Voss considers the perspective of others. Rather than hearing their complaints and negativity repeated back, people prefer when you understand what they value, as well as what they fear and are afraid of losing. (Until you’re highly skilled with empathy –his techniques will seem counter-intuitive.) - The goal is for your partner to feel and say, “That’s right.”. That feedback proves you get them or understand.
Examples of opposite qualities and focusing on what others value and fear.
Dishonesty — Integrity.
Cheating — Fairness.
Deception — Openness.
Unpredictability — Stability
Stupid — Smart / Smarter.
Missed deadlines / procrastinating / unreliable — predictable / reliable / dependable.
A hidden advantage.
Most objections have an underlying fear of uncertainty. With the tactical empathy advantage –you’re labeling their fear. People appreciate when you identify their fears and values.
3. Avoid the dangers of excessive “yes” questions.
Voss shares there are 3 kinds of “yes replies”:
confirmation, commitment, and counterfeit.
People are so used to being led into a “commitment yes” trap by a “confirmation yes”, they resort to giving a “counterfeit yes”.
They may respond, “You’re right”. Code for getting someone to stop talking, arguing or convincing, without confrontation. Another version of this is, “Can I have your card?” if someone wants you to stop talking or pitching. Notice if they ask without additional questions or for more info.
TEST if you’re receiving a false confirmation. It’s common when asked too many ‘yes’ questions at once. Every ‘yes’ confirmation question has an immediate or delayed expectation.
Will you follow me on social? Subscribe to my email? Accept my free gift? Leave a comment? Share my post? Answer this final question?
Or
Do you have a few moments to talk? Do you want to listen to me? Do you want to listen to what I want to talk about? Can you end this?
Sadly, this is why you can end up with followers, subscribers, or meetings with people who aren’t interested.
An example of testing a confirmation ‘yes’ for forgery.
Clarify. “So you’re good with this?”
Listen for another yes.
If you hear hesitancy, clarify again.
“I heard you say ‘yes’ but, there was hesitancy in your voice. Anything else?”
Another important point.
A ‘yes’ response is meaningless without implementation –even with a signed contract.
Thus, it’s important to go through all terms and conditions before a deal is made, and address their ‘how’.
Anticipate the other party asking, “How are we supposed to do this?”, before they’ll implement a deal.
What’s counter-intuitive point is that getting a solid ‘yes’ validates for the other person –you want them to feel confident and satisfied with the deal.
By using heroic communication & connection tactics –people want to do business with you.
Arming yourself with unfair advantages. That’s how you’ll navigate manipulation. The battle that fighting can’t win.
People will feel understood. They’ll alter their emotions toward you, and begin to connect when they trust your intentions benefit them.
Those ‘yes’ questions? As your relationship develops into something meaningful and valuable, people will want to follow you, subscribe, talk on the phone, meetup, attend your webinars, ...
The people you target won’t implement the next step, until you do.
Empowering you to further enhance your unfair advantage.
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