6 Reasons Why You Should Seek Influence NOT Control in Relationships

Here is how to grow your business and network.

Christopher D. Connors
The Startup

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Photo by CoWomen on Unsplash

“Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint.” — Dale Carnegie

What do you crave having control over most? Money? Time? Someone else’s decisions? Instinctively, we are always seeking to gain control. We may not think of it as such, but ask yourself this question: what does it feel like to not have influence or control over a situation? It’s an uncomfortable feeling. It makes us feel helpless.

The more I’ve evaluated my conduct and thought impulses in relationships over the years, the more I’ve come to understand how much I crave control. Then, I’ve thought about the results of that. No, I haven’t applied hard science or measurements here. But what I have done, is live with the results of a mindset conditioned toward control.

Guess what? Every time I thought or acted this way, it ended up backfiring on me. Because no one likes being controlled by another person. We do, however, like to be influenced.

In order to progress in our relationships, we are far better suited to aim for influence over outcomes, as opposed to striving for…

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