8 Copywriting Examples That Use Narratives to Hook Readers
The best performing copy all tell stories
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One of my favorite sales pages made over $600,000 in a few hours of launch. Another one made over $5,000,000 in its first week. How did they do it?
Turns out you need more than pretty graphics, fast load times and a solid product to see these results. Otherwise, every dropshipping expert in Thailand would have enough money to buy their own island.
No — you need some damn good copy. And some of the highest performing sales pages and sales letters use narratives to drive conversions. That’s because the power of storytelling can turn you from a non-believer into a die-hard fan.
One of my favorite pass-times is breaking down an effective sales copy. Not long ago, I revisited my swipe file and thought I would share some of my favorite copywriting examples that use narratives.
And they aren’t my favorite just because they’ve reeled in seven-figure earnings. They’re also damn good pieces of writing. (That’s the fastest way to get me hot-and-bothered.)
I’ve included eight examples: Four classics from the 20th century and four modern ones — so you don’t get the idea that it’s an outdated trick.
Let’s take a drive through memory boulevard into some 20th century copywriting examples.
1- They Laughed When I Sat Down At The Piano by John Caples
Okay, if you know anything about copywriting, then you are probably sick of seeing this example given that it’s the most swiped piece of copy in history.
But if you haven’t, you’re in for a treat. Give it a read. And if you have seen it before and know the value of good copywriting, then you’ll like it better every time you see it.
This advertisement used a narrative to massage the emotional desire of the readers. By using a narrative, the reader’s right brain is activated and they “become” the protagonist.
“To the amazement of all my friends, I strode confidently over to the piano and sat down. ‘Jack is up to his old tricks,’ somebody chuckled. The crowd laughed. They were certain I couldn’t play a single note. […]
Then I started to play.
Instantly a tense silence fell on the guests. The laughter died on their lips as if by magic. I played through the first bars of Liszt’s immortal ‘Liebesträume.’ I heard gasps of amazement. […]
As the last notes of the ‘Liebesträume’ died away, the room resounded with a sudden roar of applause. I found myself surrounded by excited faces. How my friends carried on! Men shook my hands — wildly congratulated — pounded me on the back in their enthusiasm.”
You get to experience to crowd’s doubt and Jack’s patience as he approached the piano. You feel the comeuppance when he begins to play and delivers the crowd into a state of shock. You get to bask in the roaring applause and the admiring stares.
It provokes some deep emotional desires. It touches on our need for attention(showing off your piano skills) and popularity (praise for playing). It also reveals our desire for revenge upon being wronged (wrongly ridiculed while walking up to piano). The ad opens us to our desire for a good deal (get to master-level skill in a short time with this at-home training book).
These desires lie dormant within us, waiting to be triggered by skilled copywriters.
The mail-in slip’s call to action reads: “If you really want to gain happiness & increase your popularity…send at once.”
After reading this ad, I bet you’ve never wanted to buy a piano lesson book as bad as you do now.
2- Written After Hours by O.B. Winters
This ad is a beautiful piece of writing. It’s penned by O.B. Winters, an employee of the firm, to attract clients. It’s gone down in history as the most memorizing advertising agency promotional.
The writer captures your senses and transports you into an episode of “Mad Men.” You get an exclusive glimpse into this above-the-cut ad agency:
“It is after hours and most of the people have gone home. There is a chess game in the office of the production manager and a light still burns in the cashier’s cage. From the outer room comes the untutored click of a typewriter — an office boy is taking the Y.M.C.A course in advertising. Across the area way a man bends over his desk, writing. A green visor shades his eyes. From his twenty-eighth story window as he glances up from time to time he can look down on the jewelry of the lights. It is after hours, but he works on. He will ship his copy into finished form before he leaves. One of the layout men has put his drawing board aside and is going out to the elevators. Under his arm he carries a tissue pad. A new idea stirring in his mind. It will be roughed out in pencil before the morning comes. Six months from now you will feel it tugging at your purse strings. […]
These are the phases of our service that perhaps not even our own clients have ever thought of before. There is no mention of it in our Terms and Conditions. But all our clients have been the gainer for it and will be many times again. Why such devotion on the part of men who have already given us their day? Of no one here is asked more than he can do. The client does not require it. Again why? Anyone who deals regularly with men will tell you this is the kind of work that money alone cannot buy. It is work done purely of free will and its real pay is pride in work well done. Those who understand the creative mind will know just what we mean by that.”
The ad paints a vivid picture. An office of creatives working over hours — not for pay — but because they derive pride in their results. They give you a picture of the work they do for their clients. After all, the handshaking and the meetings have concluded, the team burns the midnight oil.
The ad suggests that if you work with them, you get more then you pay for. You get a team of marketers who will not sleep until they have their “Aha” moment. You can see them in your mind’s eye, working after hours on your ad for your business.
Then, the ad appeals to your noble-values. “Those who understand the creative mind will know just what we mean by that.” It says: You think you are an innovative and creative business? We’re like you. We will not settle for less than the perfect vision.
Then, the ad concludes: “This, too, was written after hours.”
I mean, come on, take my money. This is one of those ads that leave copywriters saying: I wish I wrote that.
3- Personal Magnetism by Dan Kennedy
Nothing like some hands touching hands to make the average 1920’s man salivate. Not taking anything away from the ad or its author, Dan Kennedy. It’s a great ad. But you can be much more forward in today’s society.
But who knows, this ad might have worked on me had I been alive in the 1920s or if I was still 10.
The ad uses a story of two strangers to keep you reading:
“They are strangers, almost. He was introduced to her at a dance a few weeks ago. She invited him to her home. He came.
And now, as they sit near each other, as they talk idly of things that interest them both — they are conscious of a strange, irresistible urge. They move closer to each other. Their hands touch, and an electric thrill runs through their bodies. They look at each other with eyes that are big with wonder and joy. They are … in love!
What is that powerful magnetic influence that draws one man to one woman — forever irresistibly?”
You can imagine the scene. It might even remind you of the quiet little moments after the first date with one of your exes or your current partner. You remember how you just seemed to click — although you had only just met. It gets you thinking: Oh yeah, what is that attraction that pulled us together?
The answer, according to Edmund Shaftesbury, is “Personal Magnetism.” The ad goes on about how his well-researched system can be awakened in anyone. How you can use it in your business life, social life and intimate moments. To be the master of your outcomes.
The ad appeals to our need for relationships and intimacy, our desire for recognition of our skills and our need to be in control.
It’s a little corny, but it does a good job of hooking you in.
4- Zippo Amazing Story Ad by David Ogilvy
The unbelievable headline alone draws you in. The narrative makes you stay.
David Ogilvy was a master at writing these shorts in magazines and newspapers. This one tells the story of a retired fisherman. He recalls when he caught an 18-pound Pike and found a Zippo in its stomach. And to top it off, it worked on the first try.
Of course, this should be no surprise, Ogilvy ensures. Zippo makes all their lighters last forever. And it must be true because if he were lying, the company wouldn’t be able to afford the lifetime warranty the ad offers.
It’s short and poppy. It conjures up a legend in your mind and makes you wonder if your new lighter will work if you dropped it in the ocean.
In the 20th century, copywriters used narratives to get readers cutting checks. But something as verbose as that couldn’t work in today’s million-miles-a-minute environment… could it? Behold.
5- AWAI’s Accelerated Program For Six-Figure Copywriting Course Sales Page
American Writers and Artists, Inc. (AWAI) was founded in 1997 with the goal of helping copywriters and marketers start a freelance career.
They released their flagship course in the early 2000s. The sales page left quite an impression. A powerful narrative captivated these copywriters. They fell for all the persuasion tactics they used in their careers and coughed up their money.
That’s no easy feat.
It’s like making a comedian laugh. You better write that joke down — it’s a keeper.
First things first, the headline hooks you in with a question — no, a challenge. Can you write a letter like this one? Not only does this challenge your skills as a copywriter (your need for recognition), but it also commits you to read the sales letter.
But this is a topic for another day… Let’s move onto the narrative aspect.
The sales letter starts off by talking about how people complain about how unfair life is:
“On one hand, there are people who bust their butts working year after year … slaving away for bosses and managers who don’t appreciate them … to earn a paycheck that does little more than pay the bills.
But then on the other hand, there are those who seem to have found a better way.
I’m talking about people who live life on their own terms
[…] (insert buying fancy cars, vacation houses and jewelry for the wife here).
You may know some of these people.
And my guess is … you’d like to be just like them.
Now you can.
In fact, I know you can. I’m living proof of it.
It wasn’t long ago that I was struggling to earn a living … jumping from one job I hated to another I hated more … never making more than $30,000. (In my last job, I was making $6.50 an hour — $13,520 a year — stocking cans in a grocery store!)
But then I discovered something that changed my life…
I learned the simple secrets to writing the kind of letter you’re reading right now.”
This lead is amazing for a couple of reasons.
Firstly, once again, it calls out the audience. Can you write a letter like this? Well, if you did you would be able to buy all this expensive stuff. It seems like you are more like the other people I mentioned… the “wage slaves.” This incorporates you into the story and makes you feel that you are missing out on something.
Secondly, the author says that they were “wage slaves,” too. This lessens the blow from earlier. You are getting the short end of the stick right now, but that’s okay because I was just like you too. Not only that, but it wasn’t long ago. Now, the author isn’t laying down an accusation, they are on your side.
Third, the author found a way to become one of these people “who live life on their terms.” Since the author is like you, that means that you can as well. And guess what? He’s going to let you in on the secret — but you have to keep reading.
That’s how you hook an audience into reading your 10,000-word sales letter.
6- Behind The Sales Page by IWT
I have a long-running (and wholly untrue) theory that copywriters save the best copy for themselves. This is another data point towards that theory.
IWT, a coaching business run by Ramit Sethi, has a reputation for great sales pages.
The sales page starts with Ramit building his authority. He talks about how he’s got a formula for writing six and seven-figure sales pages consistently.
“Over the past six years, I’ve used this secret playbook to write more than 20 sales pages, all of which pulled in over six figures in their initial launch.
[…]
And not only does this secret playbook deliver winning sales pages, it delivers them fast and stress-free.
Best of all, you can now watch along as I use this playbook to write a new sales page that generated over $600,000 in its first week.
Today, I want to show you exactly how I do it.
[…]
Looking back, I have no idea how we managed to sell anything before we created this playbook — it was like reinventing the wheel every time we wrote a sales page!
The nightmare that was my first sales page
I knew my first sales page was terrible as I wrote it.
I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know how to make anyone care. Every time I wrote something, it sounded like a bad rip-off of someone else’s sales page. After spending 3 days on the introduction, I deleted it all and started over again — and I still had no idea what to write.
And this wasn’t a 50-page sales page, just a simple two pager. I’m not joking. It was bad.
(picture of the sales page)
And I knew: I wasn’t a sales page copywriter, so I expected the copy to be bad.
What I didn’t expect was the reaction I’d get: people angrily accusing me of selling out and trying to make a quick buck. They told me if it was cheaper, ‘maybe’ they’d consider it. I didn’t understand why. The product was only $4.95 … how much cheaper could it get?
HOW MUCH CHEAPER, YOU CHEAP ASSES? 10 years later I can joke around about my sales page and know it won’t hurt anyone — including sales. In fact, it’s more fun to read my sales page now. I know this is true, because you’re still reading, aren’t you?”
Once again, this story makes the copy relatable. Any business owner, freelancer or sales rep knows how this feels.
You think back onto your first foray into your field and laugh about it. You laugh along with him when you think about how bad that first draft or website was. You remember how difficult it was to find the perfect clients.
Like the last example, Ramit is aligning himself with you. “I used to be just like you, and now I’m here. You can too.”
7- Fearless by Max Himself (Formerly RSDMax)
This one (and the next one to be honest) is a bit more controversial.
This was a sales page for a dating program by the Real Social Dynamics (RSD) instructor Max. This product’s goal is to “train” insecure dudes to pick up girls.
The product might be kind of slimy, but these guys know how to write a sales page. An estimated $10.1M in annual revenue can attest to that
Obviously, these kinds of programs haven’t aged well. Hence, RSD has since distanced itself from the “pickup” racket.
Over the past couple of months, the RSD coaches have started to remove their dating programs. Now, they are rebranding themselves as life and business coaches. But thanks to web archives, we can still look at it.
“You know,
This last year has been a really really crazy experience for me.
I had just released The Natural, I had just wrapped up three years of crazy touring and traveling…
And, it was extremely satisfying and humbling, but also extremely draining for me.
[…]
For me — this was not really a time to celebrate, this was not a time to push hard or to go all-out.
This was a time to relax… a time to let go, to breathe, to take a little rest.
To nurture the side of me that I haven’t nurtured in a long while.
It was time to just be Max.
The guy that loves to play Playstation, the guy who’s chilling, reading books…
Not expanding… but actually contracting.
I settled down in one place, and for the first time in years — I took my time to process this crazy roller-coaster whirlwind experience of the last couple f years.
[…]
And while I was extremely proud of all that success…
Something came back… something that I thought I had already conquered.
I realized…
It was fear.
Fear came back… Shyness came back…”
This narrative does a great job of reinforcing Max’s (old) brand and connecting with the audience.
Before he changed his tune, Max marketed himself as a nerdy gamer who learned to pick up girls after years of rejection. He created a persona that was exactly what his target audience wanted to become.
This story tells the reader that after almost a decade of hustling, he took some time to recuse himself. He wanted to chill out and do those nerdy things he used to love to do.
After several months of this, he found himself “rusty” after re-entering the game. He was shy, he was scared to approach girls and he was nervous when he had to give his seminars.
He was still that shy nerd at the end of the day. He was still like you (his target audience). With this new realization, he created a new system that’s designed to destroy your fear of women and life.
This is a narrative that his audience was hungry for— and gobble it up they did. RSD Max quickly became one of the most popular and best-selling personas at RSD.
This product might be slimy. But this next product fell in some radioactive goo and turned into a monster.
8- The Lotto Crusher VSL by Winston Everett
Put on your gas mask, everyone. Because this product is a crock of shit. Normally, I’m not so bold as to call someone’s product out on the wild west of the web. But the claims against the program are pretty well documented.
Then, why am I featuring a scam in this article? Because you have to write a pretty good copy to convince people that a complete farce is a real deal. Plus, I thought the narrative hook in their VSL was pretty good:
“I couldn’t believe I was being held at gunpoint by the convenience store owner.
I thought THEY were the ones who got held up, not the other way around.
And yet there I was, standing in an empty Quickmart, with a gun pointed to my head.
That man said he was on to me… that even though he didn’t know exactly how… I had to be doing something fishy…
That he just simply couldn’t believe there was any way for a person to win the lottery 5 times in three months period…
Let alone from his single store.
I tried to tell him that I wasn’t doing anything illegal or cheating or breaking any rules. That I just had a simple system I was using and that it happened to work really, incredibly well.
Heck, I even offered to share it with him, but the angry man just wouldn’t listen and I was afraid that I would die.
And I shudder to think of what would have happened if a group of teenagers hadn’t come into the store right then…
Forcing the raving mad business owner to quickly put away his .44 caliber.
But as soon as they did, I ran for my life. Making it to my car and burning rubber as I peeled out of the parking lot and towards the safety of my home.
Until that night, I had been on such a high.”
From the very first sentence, you are being bribed to keep reading. You find the speaker in a very tense scenario with lots of unanswered questions.
“Why is he being held at gunpoint? Why would the store owner be wielding a gun? How is it possible to win the lottery five times? What is this system? Does the writer know that the store owner isn’t the person who pays lottery winners?” (That last one is a joke.)
The copy is also rich with details. You can hear the car ripping out of the parking lot. You can picture a store owner behind a counter wielding a gun. This makes a fictional story seem much more real. Written After Hours also uses this technique (although Winters did it better).
Then, the last sentence hooks you into the next section.
The speaker won the lottery five times in three months. Because of that, the speaker had a close call after scaring the shit out of a store owner. Besides that night, this has been a fun ride. Want to learn more? Well, keep reading.
There are some key takeaways from these copywriting examples. Narratives are a powerful way to ignite our emotional desires. Vivid imagery activates our imaginations and entertains our brains. Narratives are an effective way to make your product/guru more relatable. And they are a great way of getting people to read more and more.
Next time you want to keep your readers' scrolling and scrolling until they buy, tell a story.
