9 Brilliant Ways You Can Increase Your Confidence And Grow Faster

“If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.” — Abraham Maslow

Jonas Ressem
May 14, 2018 · 9 min read

Growth and confidence are intertwined.

If you’re able to grow, your confidence will follow.

When your confidence follows, you’re consequently able to take on more growth.

“Confidence comes from discipline and training.” — Robert Kiyosaki


I’ve always been interested in developing confidence. Perhaps, because I didn’t have much of it in my teenage years. Perhaps, because I still want more of it.

Well, I imagine everyone wants more of it.

… And it’s no wonder.

We can easily see its power, in everyone that possesses it.

It’s like magic.

It’s indeed a force to be reckoned with.

It allows us to grow.

It allows us to be more.

So, this article will explore 9 brilliant ways you can develop growth and confidence.


1. Believe In Your Ability To Grow

Abraham Maslow firmly believed that humans could grow, self-actualize, and ultimately reach transcendence.

However, in order to grow, we need to think that we’re able to.

On this note, Carol Dweck illustrated the concept of growth mindset versus fixed mindset. The concept states that:

“Individuals who believe their talents can be developed (through hard work, good strategies, and input from others) have a growth mindset. They tend to achieve more than those with a more fixed mindset (those who believe their talents are innate gifts). This is because they worry less about looking smart and they put more energy into learning.” — Carol Dweck

With a growth mindset you can, as the name implies, grow.

You can self-actualize.

You can transcend.

You can improve your confidence.

Because, everything is possible as long as you work for it.

2. Get Better (And Faster) At Making Decisions

Agency is the power to make decision and change your life.

Although your environment is a powerful influencer of the actions you take (see #8), the choices you make have an impact on your life as well.

How you choose to behave with and relate to other people, serves to shape and select the environment that you actually experience.

If you plan your behaviors in advance, you’re more likely to experience the progress you want, along a path you wish to follow.

Decide what environment to engage with, what people to interact with, and ultimately, decide your path in life.

It’s your choice.

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” — Tony Robbins

However, decisions are hard.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; deciding to decide is the hardest thing to decide on.

So, how do we make decisions?

How do we decide which path to follow?

How do we shape our destiny?

Here’s how to get better at making decisions:

1) Consider your options.

  • Who do you want to be?
  • What are the consequences of making a choice?
  • What outcome do you want?

2) Make a decision.

  • Make the decision outside your routine environment.
  • Go with your gut feeling. Emotions and intuitions are fast and reliable information when you’re in doubt. Use them when you can’t get anywhere with your ‘higher cognitive mechanisms’.
  • Just pick one and go. You can always adjust afterwards. The thing you decide on isn’t set in stone (you can change your mind later, if you realize that the thing you chose, wasn’t the right fit after all).
  • Create your own reasons when in doubt. When you can’t figure out which option to decide on, imagine yourself living out each option (pick the one you see as the door to the life you want).

3) Invest in the decision.

  • This can be in the form of money, accountability, integrity, etc.

3. Align Your Behaviors With Your Internal States (Attitudes, Values, Beliefs, etc.)

“Be congruent, be authentic, be your true self.” — Mahatma Gandhi

When you’re living in congruence, you’ll feel more confident.

When you’re congruent, it’s easier to grow.

This means:

  • Align your inner and outer world.
  • Behave as you intend to behave.
  • Act as you speak.
  • Embody your growth.

When your inner world (attitudes, values, beliefs, etc.) and outer world (behaviors) are aligned, you are bound to feel confident and powerful.

If you’re not aligned, you may experience cognitive dissonance (an unpleasant psychological state that occurs when people notice that their attitudes and behaviors are inconsistent with each other).

Any unpleasantness — any tension you feel — should motivate you to behave as intended.

Here’s how to get aligned:

1) Make behavioral intentions. They are influenced by:

  • The attitude you have towards the behavior. What are the positive consequences of it?
  • Subjective norms. What do others think about the behavior? Do you care?
  • Perceived control. Can you perform the behavior?

2) Implementation of your intentions.

  • Specify when and how you will do it.

3) Be consistent in your behaviors.

4. Keep The Promises You Make (Not Only To Others, But To Yourself As Well)

If you’re on the path of growth, sticking to it will increase your confidence.

If you say you’ll do something — if you ‘promise’ yourself that you’ll do it — then you better do it.

It’s similar to alignment, but more psychologically damaging if you don’t follow through.

Not keeping the promises you make to yourself, diminishes your confidence.

Treat yourself with worth.

Keep the promises you make.

“Self-confident people have a pattern of keeping promises they make to themselves” — Ed Mylett

5. Follow Your Curiosity And Intuition

Curiosity moves you forward.

It makes you explore what you’re capable of.

It makes you seek out growth and makes you more confident.

Interestingly, a measure of curiosity can be divided into two subcomponents:

Exploration and Absorption.

Exploration refers to strivings for novelty and challenge, and absorption refers to full engagement in a given activity.

When you challenge yourself, you grow. When you explore new territories — new grounds — you grow. When you’re fully absorbed and engaged in an activity, you’ll quickly learn new things and subsequently increase your confidence.

Intuition is a spark of curiosity. A spark you don’t necessarily know how to articulate. But you know that it’s pointing you somewhere. Somewhere, which your deepest emotions compels you to follow.

When you dare to follow your intuition and curiosity, growth and confidence will be the result.

6. Manage Your Expectations (If You Are Blind To Them, You Will Be Hurt And Miss Out On Growth)

Expectations are powerful.

Yet, they are tricky.

They can have both positive and negative consequences.

The negative:

  • When you hold expectations, you have a belief about how something is or how it will be. You give your trust to something or someone. If it fails to live up to your expectations — whether it is other people, an event, or even yourself — it’s going to hurt. Consequently, you might get disappointed, angry and frustrated.

The positive:

  • Holding expectations can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies. If you have a belief about a certain feature, in yourself or others, actions that are consistent with that initial belief can be evoked. This is especially true in social situations. If you expect someone to have a certain personality, then you might evoke behaviors in that person that’s consistent with your belief.

“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.” — Stephen R. Covey

Here’s how to manage expectations:

  • Have high expectations towards others. Expect them to be as good as possible. However, do not be naïve about it. Their true character will eventually shine through, and when it do, make a choice of what to do next.
  • Don’t expect others to treat you like you’re treating them. Anything external, are outside your control. And thus, you shouldn’t expect to control it either.
  • Have high expectations toward yourself, but be smart about it. Have at least one foot inside reality. In addition, the principle of not holding expectations toward something you cannot control, applies here as well.
  • Have high and positive expectations, but don’t be overly attached to any specific outcome.
  • Don’t avoid having expectations all together. Without proper ones, your standards will be low, and you might lack the drive to grow further. Expect to be confident.

The outcome you get is a matter of navigating the things you can and cannot control, and not attaching to the outcomes.

Managing expectations is a thin line to walk. It’s only by exerting psychological agility that you can achieve the optimal outcome.

7. Take on Responsibility And Increase Your Confidence Through The Roles You Inhabit

Taking on responsibility will provide your life with meaning.

The heavier the ‘load’, the more rapid your growth will be.

Having a certain role, forces you to adapt to the responsibility and behavior of that role.

E.g., taking on a leadership role, will make you more of a leader.

This happens on both a conscious and subconscious level.

Social roles are determinants of how you act in the world. They are powerful influencers on your behavior, feelings and even your personality.

So, if you want to increase your confidence and growth, inhabit roles, and take on responsibilities that allow you to do so.

“Notice that opportunity lurks where responsibility has been abdicated.” — Jordan Peterson

8. Develop A Strong Social Climate (Interpersonal Growth Enhances Personal Growth)

“If you have the opportunity to do amazing things in your life, I strongly encourage you to invite someone to join you.” — Simon Sinek

As mentioned earlier, the environment is a powerful influencer on your actions. And the humans inhabiting it, is by far the strongest force of influence.

The human world is social, and your body and mind knows it.

You’re wired for social interaction, and in fact, most of the human emotional systems require social interaction in order to activate.

We are constantly watching, influencing, and shaping each other’s.

Thus, it really matters who you spend time with.

It’s true what Jim Rohn Said:

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

A strong social climate fosters interpersonal growth. Synergetic effects takes place, and it allows you to grow faster than you would have on your own.

1+1 = more than 2.

Interpersonal growth happens through:

  • Observational learning. Humans tend to imitate those around. When you pay attention to interesting others, you can learn from their behaviors. Skills, characteristics and standards, can over time become internalized and incorporated into your own life.
  • The zone of proximal development. When you surround yourself with people who are slightly better than you are— and with proper support and guidance — you can adapt to their level of ability. You see, through behaviors in collaboration with others, the potential of your own being heightens.
  • Feedback. Receiving feedback allows you to learn incredibly much faster than you can without it. When you’re corrected in your mistakes, or praised for doing well, you will quickly learn the most effective ways of doing things.
  • Social Confidence. The social identity theory, states that a large portion of your self-esteem is derived from your social relationships. When you feel included in desirable groups, you’ll feel good about yourself.

9. Be Confident In Everything You Do

Confidence is multi-dimensional.

If you want true, robust confidence, you need to develop confidence in everything that is important to you.

That is, you don’t need to be super confident in everything you encounter, but you should strive to develop it for the things that matter.

This might entail; your believes, abilities, health, wealth, behaviors, coping skills, etc.

If you want maximum growth, develop confidence in everything you do.

This goes back to the point of alignment.

“When one area of your life is out of alignment, everything else suffers.” — Benjamin P. Hardy

Wrapping Up

Growth and confidence are intertwined. They effect each other.

If you focus on these tactics and behaviors, your confidence will improve and your growth will be faster.

So,

  • Believe in your ability to grow.
  • Get better (and faster) at making decisions.
  • Align your behaviors with your internal states.
  • Keep the promises you make.
  • Follow your curiosity and intuition.
  • Manage your expectations.
  • Take on responsibility and increase your confidence through the roles you inhabit.
  • Develop a strong social climate.
  • Be confident in everything you do.

Thanks for reading! If you want more stuff like this, sign up for my free newsletter!

Follow me on Instagram

This story is published in The Startup, Medium’s largest entrepreneurship publication followed by 324,834+ people.

Subscribe to receive our top stories here.

The Startup

Medium's largest active publication, followed by +514K people. Follow to join our community.

Jonas Ressem

Written by

Psychology Author. Interested in Happiness, Health & Meaning. Author of ‘Nine Notes.’ http://jonasressem.com

The Startup

Medium's largest active publication, followed by +514K people. Follow to join our community.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade