Afraid to speak up for yourself? Me too. Here’s the secret to doing it anyway.

“When we speak, we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.” - Audre Lorde

Have you ever felt utterly incapable of speaking your truth in a moment of confrontation or conflict? Have you ever felt as if the barrier were practically physical — that no force on earth could wrench those difficult words from your heart to mouth?

As a recovering people-pleaser, I know better than most the earth-shattering fear of speaking up. I have a distinct memory of being in my nightgown as a child, debating whether to go downstairs and risk disappointing my parents by telling them I couldn’t sleep. I tiptoed back and forth across my bedroom carpet in the dark, biting my tiny fingernails and debating my options.

As I got older, the fear of speaking up became a cage that kept me small. Unspoken truths piled up inside of me, voltage without an outlet, and my body responded accordingly. My legs grew restless. My anxiety worsened. I ground my teeth for hours each night and woke with blazing migraines.