Becoming the leader you needed
Ever had a leader let you dangle and then fall on your face when you were unable to complete the task you were assigned?
Welcome to the club.
Think that things will be different as your seniority rises?
They won’t be.
Ever wonder what differentiates an exceptional leader from the rest?
No… I mean, yes of course!
What I’ve found is that good leaders are coaches who support you and help you grow into your potential. They aren’t bullies who assign tasks that you aren’t prepared for, or worse, assign impossible tasks, and then punish failure. Nor are they cheat code manuals who just give you the solutions when you’re struggling.
Motivation
Recently, one of my wife’s mentees shared the following quote/meme which naturally caused me to think about the topic of personal growth:
“be who you needed when you were younger” — Ayesga A. Siddiqi, 2013
This is in the same vein as one of my favorite speeches on the subject of growth and personal heroes:
“who’s your hero?” I said, “I thought about it. You know who it is? It’s me in 10 years.” — Matthew McConaughey, 2014
Having worked for a number of bad and so-so leaders, I wrote this article to help myself understand what makes a good leader.
Becoming a good leader
Becoming a good leader is not something that just happens on its own. It certainly isn’t a skill that becomes unlocked when one is granted a management title, even if the title is CEO.
The skill that I’ve found makes a good leader is the ability to identify where their coachees are struggling and provide only the help needed to allow them to complete their tasks while growing into new challenges.
Developing this skill depends on understanding the difference between wanted, expedient, and needed.
Not wanted
Let’s be honest, I want many things… at *times* I’ve been known to be lazy and wanted solutions handed to me, thus solving all my work and life problems — this article was supposed to be published weeks ago and not for lack of effort.
But, if someone took it upon themselves to finish this article for me, then I would be poorer, as I would have lost the opportunity to practice the craft of writing — specifically the task of self-editing as the original draft was 2,000 words and a bit “rambly”. Worse, while that “helpful” person may have gained the experience of “fixing” this article, I would’ve inadvertently stolen time from their own growth while setting myself up for future pain.
In short — No one who cares about your development is going to magically hand you the solutions to your problems, nor should you let them.
Not expedient
Many leaders will unfortunately take it upon themselves to helpfully provide their struggling employees with the solution while admonishing them to do better next time — teammates will also often help in this manner
The expedient route is seductive as it will often solve the immediate problem allowing the team to move on to the next task… no more prepared for the next task.
In the case of this article, I could’ve had someone pick up what I’d written and apply a coat of polish to it… but the article would’ve still fundamentally been a hot mess, and I wouldn’t have learned what I needed to learn.
Needed
Ok, so what was actually needed in this case?
I needed someone, my wife in this case, to read it and say: “meh, it felt long.”
Seriously, that’s it. This is what was communicated by those 4 words.
- Danger Danger! The article was likely to lose reader attention span.
- I was making her work too much — why it was uninteresting.
From this I was able to reread the article with a different perspective, realize that there were 3 distinct discussions, and therefore the article would benefit from being split into 3 parts.
More to the point though, by splitting the article each became more cohesive and well thought through by effort of making each tell a complete point.
No solutions were offered.
This feedback worked so well because it told me exactly what I needed to hear and nothing else. It was possible because my wife has been helping me with my writing since she edited the homeric effort known as my Master’s Thesis and has been giving me the nudges that have helped me become a better writer with every new effort. If she just fixed things, then I’d still be writing at the level of my thesis and, really, no one needs to read anything like that ever again. (wife edits to add: no joke here, folks. that was painful.)
In my experience, good leaders learn to personalize their coaching.
Growing into your leadership potential
Someone once told me the definition of Hell: The last day you have on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become. — Anonymous
What is your plan to become the exceptional leader you needed?
- How have good leaders helped you grow?
- How have leaders missed the mark with you?
