Better Self-Care for Chefs and Cooks
Realistic tips for taking care of yourself on and off the line
You’ve certainly come across several self-care resources giving you advice for really great ways to reduce stress and recharge. Except, if you work in the restaurant industry, sometimes a lot of those tips don’t fit your very different lifestyle. In between the long hours, close quarters, high demands, and sensitive tempers, restaurant culture hasn’t been known for being the healthiest.
At the edge of Thanksgiving, we have entered the most hectic, beautiful, busy, stressful, and often-times lonely stretch of the year — that will probably start to wind down a week after Valentine’s Day. It’s now, as much as ever, that having some good self-care tools ready is so important.
With that said, no one’s expecting you to follow these suggestions like rules, I certainly don’t. Maybe out of this list, only one or two suggestions will be helpful for you, and that’s okay too. The whole point is to have options when you need them, and resources to fall back on when it all gets to be too much.
1. Check-in with your depression
This is SO IMPORTANT, that if it’s the only thing you take away from this article, then that’s enough. It’s no surprise to anyone working in the restaurant industry just how common depression and anxiety are in the kitchen. And you know what? The fact that we’re all struggling with it under the same roof is not a weakness, it’s our greatest strength. Because the person right next to you probably knows exactly how you feel, which is pretty refreshing.
Check-in with your depression regularly. I’m talking every hour if you need to. Before and after work if it’s weighing you down. At least weekly to make sure you’re not going down the rabbit hole without even realizing it.
Ask yourself how you’re feeling. Ask yourself what you need. Ask yourself what you want that would make you smile. Tell someone you trust how it’s going, you don’t have to wait for them to ask.
If you’re financially able to, find a therapist or a counselor to talk to. You’re so fucking worth it. Don’t be afraid to research antidepressants either if you and your doctor think it’s a good idea — take care of you regardless of what other people may say or think about it.
Your strongest asset in the kitchen isn’t your knife skills or your organization. It’s not your speed or consistency. It’s your mind. Without it, your concentration and problem-solving capacity are shot. In the hardest of times, lean into your cooking to give your anxious mind a break. Let the routine and push of dinner service take over and bring you the kind of satisfaction that keeps you glowing a few hours after your shift is over. And then check-in.
2. The basics, which you’re probably overlooking
Most self-care guides focus on some pretty obvious things like working in a little more daily exercise, getting enough sleep every night, and cleaning up your diet. While all of those suggestions are wonderful, they’re not always convenient for the cooking lifestyle. How often have you gotten off of work around 1 am and you were so tired/hungry/needed a shower that you honestly didn’t even know which one to choose first (much less make sustainable life decisions)?
In my personal opinion, feeding yourself first wins every time. You’ll get to sleep soon, and while it can be a smidge gross, a shower can wait too. But just in case you’re not sure, here’s a handy guide to figure out how to choose:
What have I gone the longest without?
A: Food
B: A Shower
C: Sleep
Start with what you’ve gone the longest without and start meeting each need one by one.
A note: By feeding yourself well, I’m not referring to family meals. Most family meals are fine, but their major purpose is to give you just enough energy to make it from the start to the end of service. Minimal nutritional value is considered, and often it only exists because of legalities. So unless you find yourself satisfied (which is great!), then you don’t need to include family meals in your consideration of how to take care of yourself.
3. Save the drinks & drugs for after work
I’m not here to sugar-coat the reality of kitchen life here. Drinking and drug use are so prevalent in the kitchen that it’s surprising when you meet an entirely sober chef.
I’ve met bartenders who are low-key high for their entire shift and chefs who start drinking around noon. Some people are highly functional under the influence of their chosen substance. But the reality is that most people are not, and you probably aren’t the exception to that rule.
Your body is already under a lot of stress from the job you do. Give it a little bit of a break from processing all of that for the time you’re working. When your shift is over, enjoy your life! I’m not your mom and you’re a free independent thinking person. But for the sake of self-care, take a little time to detox while you’re on the clock and be fully present at the task at hand.
During the times that my depression and stress are really beating me down, I usually take some time to quit drinking entirely for a few days, or even weeks. The first day is the hardest, because the crutch of social drinking is so easy. But after a few days, I have a little clearer perspective on what’s going on with myself and how I can help myself move through those tough times. I encourage you to pay attention to your own cues and needs.
For those of you who have a bigger issue with addiction and substance abuse, I whole-heartedly encourage you to seek help. Again, the kitchen can be a very supportive place to start this kind of conversation. Let your chef, your closest co-worker, or even a friend in a different restaurant know what’s going on. For more assistance in NYC visit NYC Well. Nationally, you can check out the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services.
4. Outsource some chores
I genuinely see getting my laundry done with a laundry service as a form of self-care. Why? Because it takes time. And it’s a chore, mentally and physically. I have a finite amount of free time, and that’s NOT the way I want to spend it. You get over the weirdness of having someone else wash and fold your underwear fast.
Take a look at the very adult list of things that you need to take care of, and explore options for outsourcing. Some of those options are certainly going to come at a cost, but if you can make a little room in your budget — chances are it’s going to be a huge relief.
Even if it’s just while you get through the busy season or you find you need help full-time. Laundry drop-off. Home cleaning services. Pet walkers. Grocery Delivery. Pre-made food delivery services. Consider a barter system, or picking up a bigger chunk of the rent if your roommate will agree to do your laundry and dishes for a month. If it’s really bad, call your best friend and tell them you need help picking up your apartment and getting your life together. They’ll show up for you.
There’s always a way, and an army of people out there waiting to help you get the boring parts done.
5. Get a pet — or a plant.
A few years ago, after a lot of back and forth and a little searching, I decided to adopt a rabbit. It’s one of the best things I ever did for myself.
Having a pet (ideally a low maintenance one) pulls you a little outside of yourself. Suddenly, you’re responsible for another living being. I know that sounds scary, but caring for something outside of yourself gives you a little more purpose if you feel like you’re lacking it and so much joy. It gives you a reason to get up in the morning and makes you go home at night. Not to mention all of the research that points to having a fuzzy love reduces stress and provides a higher quality of life.
If you can’t get a pet, it’s alright. Try a plant! Ideally, a resilient one, since they don’t bark at you when they’re hungry.
6. Set professional boundaries
This one is probably the most difficult thing to work into your kitchen self-care routine, but also one of the most important. We’re so up-in-each-other’s business for so long every day that sometimes it’s hard to define personal and professional boundaries. Some examples of setting professional boundaries look like:
- Not answering texts or emails from work on your days off unless they are REAL emergencies (food allergies, ultra time-sensitive requests). You don’t have to be available 24/7, even if your boss thinks you are — they’ll figure it out.
- Taking time to think carefully about what projects/events/responsibilities you sign up for outside of your defined role. Help where you can, but unless you’re prepared to take that task on forever, don’t volunteer for it. On the other hand, if you’re looking to advance professionally then volunteer enthusiastically!
- Keep your private life private. Often your coworkers or superiors will be interested in your personal life which is mostly harmless, but not everyone needs to know every detail about what you do outside of work. Keep a little bit of mystery about yourself, and invest your personal information in your closest work friends. This includes social media — you don’t have to friend your boss. When you blur the line between personal and professional interactions, especially with your bosses, sometimes it’s hard to go back to a respectful professional relationship later. The kitchen is already a place of relaxed relationships and low personal privacy — protect what you can.
- Don’t take work home with you. Whatever happened in the kitchen, leave it there. If you’re upset about something that happened or someone at work, that’s understandable — but don’t spend your precious few hours outside of work letting it eat you alive. It’s not worth it. Work it out, and move on.
7. Take time off
Taking time off is an extension of setting professional boundaries. I also know that taking time off has financial repercussions for cooks who don’t get paid time off on top of already making a relatively low wage. So start small.
Protect your days off. Sure, pick up a shift here and there — it makes you more valuable and reliable. But treat it as the exception, and not the rule. Whether you have plans or not, plan on taking your given day or two off to take care of yourself, and stick to it!
If you can find time at least once a year to take a bundle of days off, that’s fantastic! Travel! Even if it’s in your own 50-mile radius. A staycation is awesome too. The last time I took a week off just to sit at home, my family & friends were THRILLED — just because I was available to spend quality time with them!
Taking time off keeps all of the work you do in perspective, and can help to avoid complete burnout in the long run. Even if it’s a little scary to ask for it, taking time off is always worth it.
8. Develop better reactions and coping skills
These kinds of skills aren’t exactly one specific thing, but a collection of skills and conscious choices you develop one by one, every day.
Reactions: Something stressful and upsetting happens at work. How do you react? Do you stop and think about what just happened before you respond? Do you ignore it and bury your feelings? Do you cool off a little or continue to wallow in bitterness? Do you try to figure out how to solve the problem so it stops happening? Do you expect someone else to contribute to the solution?
Reactions often seem instinctual, especially in the heat of dinner service. But the truth is that just because something difficult is happening, you don’t have to react thoughtlessly. The more time you spend figuring out exactly how you want to react or adjust to a situation before acting, the better a situation is going to work out. In turn, the less of a damaging impact it’s going to have on your well-being later on.
Coping skills: After that upsetting thing has happened (or even during it if it’s a long-term stressor), how do you comfort yourself? Do you vent to a close friend? Do you drink or smoke? Do you turn to food or entertainment?
You have to do what you have to do to get through it all sometimes. But spending some time thinking about why you comfort yourself the way you do, if it’s working for you, and how you’d like to manage your stress and treat yourself better are so invaluable. It doesn’t happen overnight. Little by little, the more you become aware of how you’re internalizing your stress, the more you can take care of yourself better.
9. Real friends are better than work friends
Not that the people you work with aren’t awesome, that’s not what I mean. What I mean is, the depth of a genuine friendship is so much more fulfilling than friendly co-workers that check their concern for you at the door on the way home at night.
At work, try to find at least one — if not two or three people that you can develop a personal connection with. About a year ago I was feeling pretty lonely at work, and made the choice to look around and start connecting with some of my colleagues. They’re talented and creative people, who understand the struggles of our given careers most closely. Lean into it, and develop those work friendships outside of the restaurant as well.
When you leave a job, make an effort to keep in touch with the people who grew on you the most. My very best friends have all come from my decade in the restaurant industry. Even though we get to see each other far less than we used to, they’re always a text message away several times a week. Keep your friends close, and reach out to them when you need them!
Self-care can take on so many different forms. When you’ve finally carved out some time to take care of yourself, pick a few things to do (or not do!) that will make you happy. Prioritize yourself when you can and keep working on living your best life!
