Business showers: why you should help your friend no longer need you
HowThingsLink
What is a business shower?
I’m going to narrate a concept to you: the “business shower”. What’s a business shower I hear you ask? It’s an idea. It’s a movement. It’s something that’s started to pick up across social media and is best described as follows.
Instead of baby showers, let’s host business showers. When a friend starts a business, we all come together, congratulate them and bring resources for their business.
Sounds great, but what next? So what? Well, let me take you on a journey of how I was able to make sense of it. Let me tell you why it means a lot more than just getting together to help celebrate a new business. In a nutshell, the concept of a business shower got me questioning what role people play in each other’s lives. What is our duty to other people?
Wonderful things happen when you pause and take a wide-lens view of the world.
A couple of months ago, I went to a baby shower and I must say it was a beautiful moment to witness. I had the opportunity to rekindle relationships with old friends and also establish new ones. I find meeting new people an enjoyable experience and it allows me to learn. When I say learn, it can be anything. For example, did you know that Scotland has over 400+ words for “Snow”? You didn’t right? So one day when you meet a Scotsman you can tell them this and off you go! Let’s be honest, I also find free food and drinks to be a very good incentive to attend.
After a couple of shots of whiskey, I decided to take a seat and reflect. Not because I was feeling light-headed, but rather, my legs started to ache after diving into a deep conversation with someone about E=mc² (I was inspired to write a post about it. Click here to check it out).
Now, when I take a seat two things usually occur:
- I go on the phone and mindlessly browse the same page over and over again like a zombie
- I switch on and observe the world around me
I opted for the latter. As I watched the people around me, I almost felt like Neo from the Matrix watching the world in slow motion. It was as if I had full control over the universe. I felt like I had zoomed out on a digital camera and was watching the world in wide-lens. As strange as it may sound, I find this state to be enlightening. As I sat and observed everyone like a wise man with the curiosity of a 3-year old child on an iPad, I stumbled across a thought. A chain reaction of thought processes manifested and in one moment everything clicked. It was the proverbial moment. It was my moment to shine. I don’t know why but I felt proud of myself. I’m excited to share this moment with you.
Why do we always place so much importance on others but not ourselves?
I asked myself why people commemorate baby showers and why it is popular. I understand and appreciate that the arrival of a new-born child is the perfect symbol of a couple’s true happiness and commitment to each other. Yet, I couldn’t comprehend the act of celebrating the arrival of a new-born before birth. Why are we so fixated on not living and enjoying the moment. Why must we focus on what’s about to happen or what has happened? What about right now? The superstitious side of me came into play so I quickly dismissed this thought. But the question remains. Why don’t we recognise other momentous moments in our lives? Why don’t we celebrate conquering a fear, learning a new skill, or ultimately, opening a new business? If you think about it, opening a new business is, in its truest form, similar to the arrival of a new baby.
Take a moment to pause and think about it for a second. Imagine. As well as celebrating baby showers, what if there was also an emphasis on business showers? When a friend starts a new business, let’s rejoice, celebrate, and bring gifts that will help them in their new venture. Let’s be selfless.
The idea of a business shower forced me to think about what selflessness means.
This means not expecting something back in return. Our love for our children is unconditional, right? What if we could extend our generosity? What if we could share that unconditional support with friends? If I can put it rather bluntly, conditional friendship is much like a leech who likes to feed on people. The subconscious mind is asking, “what’s in it for me?”
Just imagine the initial investment outlay your friend must have put in to get their idea up and running. Imagine the journey. The mental suffering. We should be all about unity and helping transcend our peers onto a higher level. We should work together, not work against each other. We should inspire, not demoralize. This is probably one of the major reasons why new entrepreneurs give up before even starting properly. The fear of failure. Many friends fail to help that individual get over the mental blocks.
Being selfless is like not trying. People value you more when you are “not trying” to gain something.
When my friend opened his new plumbing business, I contacted him to help me with things I needed fixing in my house. He offered to do it for free. The task was far from simple and it required great skill and time. I knew, deep in his core, he wanted me to pay. Yet he didn’t. Societal and psychological pressure got in the way. It’s awkward to ask a friend to pay, and it’s difficult to say no to helping them. I instead took the lead and offered him to pay. This is a business transaction, not an emotional one after all.
Till this day, he appreciates me more. Not only did I say I would pay, but I showed him respect. The respect he had lacked from his peers. Even a small act like this goes a long way. It changes the impression people have of you. It shows integrity. There are too many people out there who are ready to consume and not provide. A freebie? Of-course, why not?
People can lack the confidence to get up and go! A large part is the people around them.
I now get to the point of this whole story. I often find people are reluctant to advertise their new venture because of the “what-ifs”. What if my business goes bust in 3 months? What if someone steals my idea? What if I’m lying to myself? What if my peers make a mockery of me? It’s understandable. The fear of failure is why most people hold back. Think of the questions as mental blockers and note down what actions you must take to climb the proverbial wall. In most instances, you’ll often find it’s your circle that’s holding you back.
I stumbled across a quote by Wesley Snipes:
“Your circle should want to see you win. Your circle should clap when you have good news. If not, get a new circle.”
Powerful, right? Being part of a negative circle feeds your fear of failure and hinders your progress. So why put yourself through this? My plumber friend was once in a circle where every new idea, joke, and personal relationships were stamped on. He decided to leave and since then, his life has prospered from a personal and professional standpoint. Although it was a hard step, I know he made the right choice.
Ultimately, it boils down to the following: you should never be afraid of taking the step on your own. A step that will lead you to a greater path. The fear of failure is only a mental block that hinders progress and being in a negative circle only creates additional mental blocks. You should feel proud, be brave, and believe in yourself. Heck, if you need to, I would say go as far as disconnecting from anyone and everyone that doesn’t add value to you. It can feel ruthless at times but you will get respect for it. People will value your judgement when you are able to say no.
“No. I will put myself first.”
The key takeaway: you are on your journey. Choose to include those who will better you.
Ultimately, life is a lonely journey. That’s what I believe. You can have your wife, husband, kids, parents and friends around you, but fundamentally, your struggles are yours. Only you can overcome them. Conquer your fears. Be bold. You only live once.
But this story is also a plea to all the friends and family out there. Help that friend or loved one become independent. Give them that support so that they can be independent and not need you. Yes. So that they don’t need you. Help them be the best version of themselves. That’s when you will earn their respect. They will see you are supporting them unconditionally. It’s a win-win situation. Both of you reap the rewards of kindness and empathy. Build goodwill.
Baby showers are cool, but the world needs to see a lot more business showers. Genuine business showers create warmth. I do not speak of business showers in the literal sense of getting together. I speak of business showers in the context of setting up your friends for independence. Help them overcome their fears. Help them so that they don’t need you.
They’ll remember you forever for it.
Thanks for reading my story. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter. More to come from me.
