Can Journaling Replace Your Therapist?
I canceled my therapy appointments — right as I went through a divorce.
“Oh yeah, I should journal more.”
Most of us have likely said this in our lives. But for me 6 months ago, the should turned into a must for survival when I went through a divorce after being married for two and a half years (overall together for almost 4. While a relatively short time, it was/is, of course, intensely impactful).
As many have said, it does indeed feel like the death of a close family member. It’s the death of your dearest, even sacred relationship. And (again as many have said) one that I never expected going into it.
While I can only speak to my experience in surety, the emotions accompanied with a divorce are like a dizzying rollercoaster with countless vertical loops. Fear, anxiety, grief, hope, anger, pain, relief, depression, abandonment, disconnection, loneliness, insecurity, heartbreak, and growth. It was an emotionally heightened time where I felt paradoxically destroyed and reborn.
I wouldn’t wish the experience on my worst enemy.
While many of us will hopefully not experience divorce, we all have or will someday feel an overwhelming burden of emotions that make it hard to think clearly. Like TV static noise overtaking our entire body and mind — overwhelming emotions can crowd our mental capabilities when everything just becomes too much.
I reached “too much” multiple times throughout my marriage and occasionally turned to my journal, but I didn’t become serious about journaling until the divorce became final 6 months ago, and I needed to heal. I have met with a therapist on and off before and while I was married, but shockingly, right at the divorce, I stopped the appointments. It seems counterintuitive, as it seems like the time I would need therapy most. And I did, only I didn’t get it from a therapist.
I got it from journaling.
But, first…
Please note, I’m not necessarily suggesting you should cancel or avoid a therapist as I do not know your situation or current need. I do not claim to be a professional. Professional therapy has provided me with priceless insights and help in the past. I am a huge proponent for it. But for times when therapy is inaccessible, or for when you’re wanting to try something else first, I believe journaling is an overlooked tool for clearer communication with yourself and with others (therapists included).
Second, many of us experience obligatory “oh yeah, I should journal” guilt when someone mentions the topic. Forget that obligation and try to let that feeling pass, as it’s only going to suck any motivation out of it. If done authentically and consistently (maybe utilizing some of the ideas I list later on), you can grow to enjoy and thrive through the art of journaling.
So, feel free to remove the pressure and preconceived rules you think you know around journaling and how it should be done.
Excuses people make…
You might already be telling yourself all the reasons you can’t regularly journal. Maybe you’re thinking…
- I don’t have anything exciting to write about… (This isn’t about being exciting unless you like to write about your life like you’re in a book — which can be fun — but this is about being expressive without judgment. Remember, unless you choose to share it, this is just for you, by you).
- I journal through pictures… (Good, that’s great! But writing things out has multiple psychological and scientifically supported benefits, so give it a shot. Unless you feel like you can get all the clarity you need from taking pictures. If so, carry on).
- I don’t have time… (Not to be dramatic, but this is the worst excuse for anything of all time. Reprioritize. Make time or don’t).
- I journal sometimes but just don’t see the benefit… (A huge part of the benefits come from being consistent. Continue reading, I might some techniques you can try to help).
- I hate physically handwriting… (Hey, me too! My mind moves faster than my hand can keep up, so while I love the romantic idea of handwriting in a notebook, typing on an app called Journey works best for me — and bonus, it syncs to my phone. P.S. This isn’t sponsored, but Journey, I love you, so uh…give me a call anytime).
- I’m not a writer… (if you can talk, you can most certainly write. After all, it’s about the subject only you know best: YOU! Besides, unless you choose to share, no one else will be reading it!)
But why journal?
In two words: for added clarity and creativity.
When you are in your darkest hour, therapeutic journaling can bring clarity.
It gives you an opportunity to express emotional toxicity, challenge your assumptions, measure your progress, and reflect and see new perspectives.
On the other hand, when you’re walking the more enjoyable, easygoing roads in life, expressive journaling can bring you added creativity.
Through writing, you can take out the brain junk that’s clogging up your headspace. Writing often begets more writing, and if you’ve already gotten the distressing thoughts out of your system, that’ll free you up to do creative writing, whether that means flushing out a business idea or a short story.
If clarity and creativity aren’t enough for you, here are a couple more reasons why journaling can change your life — backed by science.
Journaling can heal you faster, both emotionally and physically
In a 2005 study on the emotional and physical health benefits of expressive writing, researchers found that just 15 to 20 minutes of writing three to five times over the course of the four-month study was enough to make a positive impact.
In 2013, New Zealand researchers monitored the recovery of wounds from medically necessary biopsies on 49 healthy adults. The participants wrote about their thoughts and feelings for just 20 minutes, three days in a row, two weeks before the biopsy. 76% of the group that wrote fully healed just eleven days later. 58% of the control group had not recovered. The study concluded that writing about upsetting events helped the patients make sense of their experiences and reduce distress.
Journaling can improve your memory.
For the American Psychological Association magazine, researchers examined how writing about a stressful event affected working memory for 71 college undergraduates. Split into an “expressive writing” condition, half of the students were instructed to write about their deepest thoughts and feelings about coming to university, while the other half in a control condition were instructed to simply write about what they had done that day and how they might have done a better job. Both groups completed three 20-minute writing sessions during a two-week period. The results revealed that participants in the expressive-writing condition showed modest improvements in working memory. In contrast, control participants showed no such improvement.
Journaling can shape your reality.
Getting your thoughts out of your brain and articulated onto paper can help you define and organize your experiences. You can write down your goals and values, demonstrate gratitude and cultivate an abundance attitude, leave your legacy and stories for future generations, heal from heartbreak, and strengthen your sense of self.
Okay, you’ve convinced me. How do I start?
Step 1. Notebook or digital?
As aforementioned, I use the Journey app because my handwriting can’t keep up with my thoughts, and I get exhausted of handwriting quickly. But there are tons of resources and types out there. While there are tons of different types of journaling, such as a bullet journal, or a planner, for therapeutic purposes, simplicity rules. Try digital with an app (like Day One) or with a good ol’ fashioned moleskin notebook.
Step 2. Make time.
The morning or evening is often a good place to start. In my experience, I find that mornings tend to be more abstract thoughts and ideas that have been stewing in my mind, while evenings tend to be more of a daily report and recording of the day’s events. Both times are good. I’ll even journal multiple times throughout if I need to get something off my chest. Point is, journaling at any time is better than no time at all.
Step 3. Write what you want to write about and don’t judge it.
There are no hard and fast rules here. You get to journal about whatever you want.
-Want to write about your latest business idea? Do it.
-Want to write about an emotional struggle? Let it all out, friend.
-Want to write the first chapter of a novel? Still counts.
-Want to write about what you did that day? Document it!
-Want to write about your life as if you’re writing a novel? Sure, get creative!
The only “rule” recommendation I would give is to set a page count in which you have to fill each day. I typically write a minimum of 3 pages (or 750 words) a day.
Another tip: while you’re just starting out, just write stream-of-consciousness. Even if it’s just 3 pages of “Wow, I can’t think of what to write about and my room smells like popcorn and I just realized I’m really dehydrated…”
Just write. No judgment.
In 2018, I wrote these few scattered thoughts in my journal after not writing anything for months (note: the following entries are not complete for privacy purposes):
March 15, 2018
Sigh. Will I ever be a consistent journaler? Or is it time to accept my reliable unreliability when it comes to recording my life?
Marriage is up and down. I am up and down. I’ve had a lot of downs lately. I’m trying to deal with it all but I’m doing a pretty piss poor job.
I also got glasses. They’re Chanel, they were expensive, they filter blue light, and I love them. No more exhausted eyes and neckaches!
I’m trying to create better habits. I need to be more patient with my imperfection and not do too much at once, but that’s easier said than done.
And exactly a year later, on March 15th, 2019, I can see some of my direct evolution.
March 15, 2019
I read this today…“We hear all the time about how life can change in an instant: a car accident, the loss of a job, loss of a family member, a sudden diagnosis…
However, what we don’t talk about as often is how, just as quickly, your life can change for the better. You can get a moment of clarity, or closure, or connection that can shift your entire perspective.
So if people are going through something tough, stick it out. You never know what might happen tomorrow that will change everything.”
Last Monday, everything changed with the divorce. I’m not over it in a flippant or a completely healed way, and there is definitely trauma I still have to work through, but I’m feeling magnificent today. It’s shocking. And it happened in an instant.
Humans are resilient. It’s incredible.
Obviously, my change didn’t actually happen in an instant, but it is only through journaling that I am able to see that in retrospect.
I am still riding the rollercoaster. I still feel approximately 5,204* emotions in a day, but when articulated onto the page, they help decipher the truth, and rather than crowd my brain, they clarify. Journaling has become an integral part of my daily emotional hygiene routine.
We all need therapy from the traumas in life in one form or another. Journaling might change your life as it did mine, so click your pen and take out the brain junk. You might find some treasure in the trash.
*Joke, sorta
