© Micole Rondinone

Changing My Language, Changed My Outcome

It’s hard to imagine what iPhone I would have been using in the year 2012, but it was that year that I began writing yearly resolutions in the Notes app of my phone. I kept it up for a good few years until, according to my digital record, I apparently just stopped setting goals altogether.

While I’m sure that isn’t entirely the case, it wasn’t until December 2017 that I picked this culturally-applauded habit back up — except that it looked a bit different when I did. I stopped writing run of the mill resolutions, and I started writing intentions.

Lest you assume that the point of this article is to tell you that this singular shift in verbiage will lead you to miraculously achieve all of your goals, rest assured this is NOT the case.

When faced with the task of writing “resolutions”, too often we head straight for what I’m calling, The List of the Obvious; spend more time with family, eat out less, be better about saving money, floss, and, of course, it wouldn’t be an American New Year without capping off the list with, lose weight. But it’s in calling out these banal activities that we miss something crucial to the process; reflection.

Instead of writing yourself the same to do list year after year, get into the ritual of really confronting the year that has passed. How do you plan to grow beyond where you’ve been, if you haven’t taken time to assess where exactly that is? Where were your boundaries last year, and how can you push past them? Mentally, physically, financially? In your career, relationships or craft?

In my experience over the last 3 years, it seems that in order to actually cross things off the list come December, we must commit time to thought and reflection, and then rethink the language we use when writing our resolutions.

Since 2017, I‘ve started each year with a list of 8 intentions, all based around 3 core words, or themes.

In 2019, those words were patience, fear and impermanence. The intentions that branched from them were both broad mantras and specific goals. Number 1 on my list was to, “Ride the Waves” — to welcome challenge and impermanence as a part of life, and to go towards things that make me fearful, rather than away from. This also represented a desire to be more spontaneous, so when a friend asked me to book a trip to Mexico on a whim, I did. This checked my box to travel more.

A week ago when I sat down to reflect, I genuinely felt I had successfully invested in 3/4, if not more, of the intentions I’d set out for myself. Of course this required work and revisiting my intentions often (I hung them next to and above my bed where they couldn’t be missed), but I also attribute my mind’s ability to hold these intentions present throughout the year to having taken time for deep reflection, and careful selection of personally meaningful words and phrases.

I want you to give it a try:

1. Clear an open space, physically and mentally, where you feel comfortable and distraction free. Definitely put your phone away. Wear something that makes you feel good. Fill your favorite cup with your favorite beverage. Settle in. Take a few breaths. Light a candle if that speaks to you.
2. On a piece of paper, challenge yourself to write down a minimum of 7 things you achieved, succeeded at, or overcame last year. You can write down as many highlights as you want. The only rule is that you genuinely spend time reflecting on the high’s (and low’s) of the last 365 days of your existence.
3. Once you’ve finished, let it sink in. We tend to speed through everything these days; life comes and goes at an alarming pace. How many new shows came out on Netflix today? How many social media posts are you not caught up on? Moments of calm are crucial for clear reflection.
4. Flip over your piece of paper. In thinking about the year past, you may have already started to formulate some ideas about what it is you would like to achieve in the year to come. Come up with three words or themes that seem to underline those advancements you want to make. Consistency. Trust. Awareness. Patience. Ecstatic joy. Gentleness. Accepting uncertainty. Confronting fear. Invest. Slow down. Choose any words or themes that speak to you. They can be literal or abstract — as long as they highlight the ways in which you would like to evolve.
5. Underneath each of your three words, expound on what they mean to you. Under consistency you could write remembering to floss and getting to the gym more often, but challenge yourself to also go deeper than surface level. Maybe a desire to floss is really about wanting to spend more time care-taking yourself. The idea of picking up a new hobby may be a call to do more things that are unexpected and step outside of your own box.
6. Hang it up! Ideally place your intentions somewhere you’ll easily see them every day.
7. Write it again: write all your words and intentions down a second time by hand on a separate piece of paper. By writing two copies you give your brain a chance to commit your goals to memory. Hang the second copy in another space you inhabit often and you’ll have even more opportunity to be reminded of where it is you want to go.

So, take your pick; it doesn’t matter what word you use to define your journey towards betterment. Light a candle, put on your most comfortable pajamas and spend some quality time setting those goals/resolutions/intentions/aims/ destinations/ambitions, etc.

What matters is that you’ve taken quality time to reflect, and to carefully articulate for yourself broad themes and specific calls to action for your own personal growth.

My words for 2020 are; trust, accepting uncertainty and ritual. You can read more about what they mean to me here.

P.S. no matter when you’re finding this, it’s never too late to get going! Go ahead — I’m cheering for you!