Creating Meaning
Meaning Drives Our Will to Live — and Lacking Meaning Causes Us to Die
At last, after covering the five, better known stages of grief first researched and posited by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross over thirty years ago, the grief series concludes with the “sixth” stage, Meaning.
Meaning has propelled human thinking for ages. We have devoted fields to it, created religions around it, spoofed it (“42”), commercialized it, and done everything we can to try and find a universal answer to, “What is the meaning of life?” Other than love, living, and death, there is no topic which dominates human thought and action more.
Experts on Finding Meaning
David Kessler, Dr. Kubler Ross’ former protégé, published his research on Meaning, which he entitled Finding Meaning: the Sixth Stage of Grief. Much of this article will be based on my reading of this text, plus the seminal work by Dr. Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning. The latter is one of the more influential works in the latter 20th century. Dr. Frankl’s research in prewar Austria combined with his experiences in the harrowing concentration camps of Nazi Germany to create his longest lasting work.
We Are Always Looking for Meaning
What both Frankl and Kessler found, through their respective experiences and research, is we humans are ceaselessly driven to find meaning in our lives. They also found that meaning does not have to be universal across all people. What the meaning is varies from person to person. Meaning can actually be quite small but poignant. In the closing moments of Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life, Michael Palin portrays as a lady presenter who opens a book to reveal the meaning of life:
“Well, it’s nothing very special. Try to be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations” Michael Palin as the Lady Presenter, Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life (Universal Pictures, 1983).
Meaning Drives Our Living
What drives our activity, besides survival, is the need for finding what we do meaningful. This encompasses all forms of meaning. We find meaning in even death. As Kessler notes in his book, he works with grief survivors who went on to create non-profits, volunteer, change careers, find vocations, and travel the world due to making meaning from a loved one’s death. None of these people had to do this just to exist.
Food, water, air, clothing and shelter meet our baseline needs. As I’ve discussed before though, we have a hierarchy of needs that’s more like a bunch of bubbles rubbing into each other. We need food but find our needs for security met when we can eat regularly. We meet our need for community when we eat with friends and family. We are always trying to meet our needs all the time and feel dissonance when one isn’t being met. So it goes with meaning. Meaning is related to all these needs, particularly self-actualization. Having meaning ties together our reasons for living. It promulgates further living and connects surviving and thriving behaviors.
Meaning Happens Anywhere, No Matter How Bad Things Are
Dr. Frankl, during his imprisonment at a concentration camp, saw human resilience at its most severe. He saw others striving to live, finding meaning in every day and inane moments. He noticed there was still clear, blue sky above. That the mountains still encircled the grounds where the camp stood. That no matter how evil and brutal the Nazi regime was, each breath inhaled and exhaled was a sign of life, and a chance for meaning to be made. Tying this back to other entries, I’ve noted that for marginalized people, living and joy themselves are defiant actions, and confer meaning onto their lives. Their culture, customs, and symbols create a discourse and sharing that gives their lives meaning.
Not Having Meaning Can Kill
Perhaps the worst thing for a human being is to not just lack what they require to meet their needs, which is truly painful, but to lack meaning to their own lives. Consider the case of “psychogenic death”.
It is a phenomenon oft-explained by phrases like, “Death from a broken heart,” but research indicates psychogenic death is real. Much like how Debbie Reynolds quickly proceeded her daughter, Carrie Fisher in death, when a human experiences loss of meaning their connection to their will to live is severed. People really can die due to lack of meaning.
Whether it’s prayer, meditation, setting realistic goals, having emotional support from others, or just a drive to do something small every day, doing these things makes meaning. Having a meaning creates a strong bond to life. Having meaning seems to do better for just about everyone, even those suffering from cancer, disability, trauma, or death of another.
Making Meaning is What Matters
If there is a recipe to coping with grief, it’s consciously making meaning in life. Both Frankl and Kessler, in their works, talk about how important it is to spot meaningful moments in your life, consciously connect with them, and make additional moments where meaning can happen and be acknowledged. For instance, in the movie Soul, the soul 22 experiences joy at watching a maple seed — a helicopter — fall from a tree. Pondering this seed, 22 realizes this little thing can one day grow into a mighty maple tree. Trees can live long, if cared for, and are symbols for long, enduring life.
There are many prescriptions for living a better life: diet, exercise, therapy, good sleep, vacation, and so on. Not everyone has the privileges to do some or all of these. Everyone though has the capacity to create meaning through something. It is one of the fundamental reasons our ancestors strived ceaselessly ages ago, when there was no advanced technology, food was constantly scarce, shelter often insecure, and the weather itself might try and kill you. We carry their stories and spirit in our own bodies today. We must live and we must make meaning for why we live.
I have struggled with suicidal ideation and was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. I know how it feels to want to stop, end the pain, and escape forever. Yet I continue, because I am compelled to make a meaning from all my own struggle and grief. I embarked on this grief series to learn and to share what I learned with others, so people can both be helped and be inspired to embark on their own journeys. That was the ultimate goal for this series. Based on personal feedback, I have succeeded and that’s more than I could ever ask from my writing.
Thank you for following me on this journey. I hope you come back to read what I publish next, and I urge you to never grieve alone. If you are struggling, find help. Asking for help makes you strong and shows your courage. Your life means something. Go make it.
