Swipe, sigh, repeat.
Whether its loneliness, curiosity or simply the desire for a no-strings attached hookup, at some point or another, these little dating app icons have inhabited our phone screens.
We live in an age where our virtual identity is just as important, if not more, than our actual one. In fact, there appears to be a very intangible divide between the two; where does one end and where does the other start? As we approach the era of a Metaverse, we begin to realize just what large a portion of our lives consists of these so called ‘virtual interactions’ and whether they are an adequate substitute to the real ones.
Over the years, social media has become a safe space where we have immediate communication with all our loved ones. They are the very fabric that allow some relationships (platonic or romantic) to prevail past their physical expiration dates. Naturally it only made sense that we begun to explore other variations of online relationships.
Enter dating apps.
Why all the fuss?
Somewhere between then and now, here and there, the stigma of dating apps has begun to fade. According to Statistica, user penetration is expected to be 5.2% this year and anticipated to hit 6.3% by 2025. Not impressed by the numbers?
Europe’s population as a percentage of the world’s is roughly 11%.
Yes, dating app users are converging towards approximately half of Europe’s population. (And I’m still single).
The recipe is quite simple in theory: 1) Make a profile, 2) Meet the person of your dreams, 3) Fall in love & 4) Live happily ever after. But somewhere between theory and practice, catfishing and lying, things don’t turn out to be as straightforward as anticipated. Nowadays, Twitter and Instagram are filled with online dating horror stories and I’m sure we all have a couple of anecdotes we could share, but if anything the popularity of such apps has blown up over the last years.
In fact, its this very popularity that has attracted the attention of psychologists who have tried to rationalize the hype. Perhaps the sudden and continued interest in dating apps goes beyond one’s own boredom and loneliness and could potentially be attributed to addictive elements that come into play. After all judging people by 3–4 photos of their appearance and categorizing them in ‘yes’ & ‘no’ boxes sounds more like a tacky game than the backstory of how you met the father of your kids.
Variable Ratio Reinforcement
To fully understand how elements of addiction come into play with dating apps, we first take a trip back to the 1940s where Burrhus Frederic Skinner was studying operant conditioning and how reinforcement and punishment modify behavior.
In positive reinforcement, a response or behavior is strengthened by rewards, leading to the repetition of desired behavior. The reward is a reinforcing stimulus.
Chances are you’ve come across this before, whether it was you training a pet, or your parents training you, knowingly or not, positive reinforcement is a universally used motivational approach.
Interestingly however, studies show that if a subject continues to be rewarded every time they perform a desired action, the action becomes less consistent and reliable. If you knew the slot machine had a 100% win ratio, you would get easily bored after a certain number of attempts. Similarly, we don’t get the same hype out of vending machines at the arcade as we do from the rip-off claw machines; Why? Because inconsistent reinforcement captivates our attention and gives us a euphoric rush, prompting us to keep trying.
Thompson et al, have shown that variable ratio reinforcement is one of the most effective ways to reinforce behavior, and makes it even more difficult to stop that said behavior. This is exactly the reason why gambling addictions can become so dangerous and difficult to overcome; people generally try to chase the high they feel in their infrequent wins and get trapped in a self-destructive spiral.
Now imagine if someone took the slot machine out of the casino and inserted it in your phone. However, instead of cash, the prize is something you desire even more, the promise of a perfect meet. And all you have to do, is swipe one, two, maybe three times and you’ll match with your soulmate (within the closest 5km). And so, as users are presented with a number of unpredictable profiles, with the sporadic probability of a match, the infrequent ratio of ‘winning’ reinforces the swiping behavior and prompts them to spend more time on the app.
Jonathon Badeem, Tinder’s co-founder has actually stated in an interview that Tinder’s algorithm has been inspired by variable ratio reinforcement.
And this is what Tinder is. It’s like the pigeon becomes a gambler, because when he pecks and gets food, he gets bored, so he peck-peck-pecks, he doesn’t know when he’s gonna get the food. He might get it, he might not.
Shocked? betrayed? Maybe even a little devastated that you share the same awareness to addiction as a pigeon? Well you shouldn't be. Dating apps are not created by generous NGOs or Christmas Movie Hallmark directors. At the end of the day they’re an extension of Skinner’s original experiment, with the goal of monetizing off addiction and gamifying the search of love.
Mental Health Comes First
Becoming aware we’re part of a broader dating app social experiment is the first step. Whether you want to actively engage or prefer to sit this one out is up to you. However, if you chose the former, it is important to be aware of the fine print.
A study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests that lonely individuals may be at particular risk when it comes to the compulsive use of dating apps. Similarly, individuals suffering from a lack of confidence can be more susceptible as well, especially when paired with an algorithm that purposely hides profiles that have swiped on you. Ironically enough, exacerbated loneliness or lack of confidence can lead to an enhanced urge to swipe further.
Psychiatrist Jack Turban performed his own study on how Grindr affects user’s mental health. In his notes, he mentions,
When a neutral action (clicking on Grindr) is paired with a pleasurable response in the brain (orgasm), humans learn to do that action over and over again.
Sounds familiar? Of course it does, we’re experts on detecting variable ratio reinforcement now.
Turban adds that apps like Grindr are often both a cause and a consequence of gay and bisexual men’s disproportionally poorer mental health. With some users claiming using the app for up to 10 hours at a time, hoping to find the perfect partner for casual sex. In fact, a recent survey of 200,000 iPhone users by Time Well Spent, a nonprofit focused on the digital attention crisis, showed that 77% of Grindr & 56% of Tinder users felt regret after using the app.
To bottom line, there’s nothing wrong with dating apps having designed their algorithms to lure and keep their user base. However, it is important that one realizes just how these algorithms function and how they play on the very same insecurities that lead some people to these apps in the first place. As such, its of pivotal importance to know where to draw the line between a healthy and unhealthy dependency to dating applications.
If you or anyone you know requires some professional aid Reach Out is a free, 24/7, confidential mental health and addictions support and services line for people living in Elgin, Middlesex and Oxford and London. If you need mental health and addictions help, Reach Out is the one service you should connect with.