Ditch your goals: Why ambition is overrated

How many times have people told you to dream big? Lectured you on having a “vision” for your life. About having some big audacious goal that motivates you to get your ass out of bed every morning. How many times have you gotten motivated by those youtube videos telling you get after your dreams? And how many times have you envisioned yourself living that perfect life. Maybe its becoming the CEO of your company. Maybe its running for presidential office. Or screw it, maybe its just having a hot girlfriend to go and watch Avengers with.

Like many of you, I too had a vision for myself. I wanted to be someone important and relish all the fruits of modern capitalism. So when I finally graduated high school, I set out a plan to achieve my goals. It was the picture perfect American Dream. Going to college for a degree in computer science, landing a position at Google before ultimately setting sail for Harvard Business School. I had everything mapped out. However, my first semester of college was a disaster. I was studying my eyes out. 14 hours a day. No Netflix. No Youtube. I felt every waking hour had to be optimised towards reaching my goals. I didn’t even have time for a social life. What fascinated me, was that I was doing everything these online “success gurus” told me to, yet I was still miserable.

Love the Grind:

As Ryan Holiday argued in his NYT bestseller, “Ego is the Enemy”, we are often caught up in the image of success. The image of success which the American consumer culture has cleverly crafted for us. The image that is constantly pushing the message that more is always better. That to be considered a success you need to MAKE more, HAVE more, FUCK more and BE more than those ordinary people living “average” lives. The media is constantly portraying an image of the perfect man or woman. We compare our lives to these people who are living the “high life” and feel like crap about ourselves. Because maybe we are single. Maybe we don’t have a ton of friends. And maybe we don’t drive a fucking Maserati to work! This constant comparison makes us feel worthless and that somehow we are not good enough. This feeling of constant lack is what drives us to work that “good” job we hate. This feeling drives us to buy shit we don’t really need. Most importantly, these insecurities drive us to be with people we don’t even like. Marketers create demand by creating a void. By creating a fear of missing out. Obviously, this type of thinking is good for their company’s bottom line. But is it really that good for you and me?

Are we just consumer bots?

I dreamt of having the rockstar lifestyle since I was a kid. The fast cars, the supermodels, and the freedom that only a million dollars can buy. But there was one problem. I sucked at music ( in my defence, my voice sounded good in my ears). I sought out a different way of realising that vision. I decided that I was going to be this hyper productive student and just crush college. I mean research projects, networking with professionals, and throwing in some internships for good measure. Problem came when I realised that I didn’t really like my life. I didn’t like the work I had to put in to achieve this “vision.” I didn’t love the GRIND.

Its as simple as how this multi-millionaire business tycoon puts it:

“Ideas are shit. Execution is the game.”- Gary Vaynerchuck

I mean sure who doesn’t want to be a millionaire rockstar playing a guitar solo in front of a packed stadium. The more important question is, do you really enjoy playing the guitar? Do you actually want to spend 10 hours a day in band practice? Do you love the process? If not, the you have your answer. As for me, I didn’t like computer science. I was pursuing it for the wrong reasons. I was chasing the result but hated the process needed to get there.

How many people you know make a new year resolution like, “I am going to lose 20 pounds before summer.” And how many of those people actually end up achieving their goals? The answer is: Not many. Look here’s the thing: result oriented goals suck. If you say you want to lose 20 pounds, what you really want is to look a lot leaner. You have only defined what you desire. And although there is nothing wrong with wanting to look good, the problem comes when you overlook what you need to DO to get there. People who build amazing physiques do so by putting consistent effort in and out of the gym. You have to prioritise nutrition and sleep. Because here’s an obvious fact: people who are fit love to train. They love the grind. The 22 inch bulging biceps are just the by product. I mean do you really think Bill Gates set out to build a multi billion dollar company to ultimately become the richest man in the world? Not in the slightest. As mentioned in the book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, Bill Gates loved coding. Spending 10 hours a day on a computer did not feel like work for him. By the time he graduated high school he was already one of the best teenage programmers in the country. So is it a surprise that he seized the opportunities that were presented to him?

Skill and a passion for your work matter so much more than any long term goal or vision. Result oriented goals suck because they are out of our immediate control. Saying that you want to lose 20 pounds before summer is a shitty goal. A better goal would be saying: “I want to start jogging around the park for 30 minutes every morning.” Goals like these are process oriented. They are habit forming. Ultimately, we are just a culmination of what we choose to do daily.

Optimise for Today:

Look, I am not saying that you should stop having goals. All I am saying is that goal setting is really overrated. Using result oriented goals to give a general direction to your life can be useful. Lets say you want to have a million bucks in your bank account. So you write down in your vision planner: “Millionaire in 5 years” with a picture of a Ferrari right next to it. All this means is that you feel having a million dollars will enhance your life. It means you value being financially well off. This does not mean that you will save 10% of your income every month. This does not mean that you will turn that money into a business venture for a profit. This does not mean that you would actually do something about it. However, something important has happened here. Now you know what you want. At least now you don’t lack direction.

But don’t be fooled into thinking that having a goal is all that important. Trust me its not. Your extraordinary vision wont make you a millionaire. It comes down to skill and commitment. Again everyone would like a million dollars but the more important question is are you ready to sacrifice for it? Do you enjoy the process of getting there. Are you working towards your goal or are you just talking about it. Stop buying into the media’s crap version of success. Ambition is glorified in our culture. Don’t stress about some arbitrary achievement 5 years down the line, stress about what you want to accomplish today.

And as the NBA Hall of Fame, 3-pointer shooting king, would say:

“There is no big secret to success in the NBA. The secret is no secret. Its just the same boring old habits.” — Ray Allen

I know what you might say, “ That’s all well and good Sid, but how the hell do you form the right habits?” We are what we choose to do repeatedly. If you choose to practice the guitar 2 hours each day then you will become a better musician. Same goes for anything else that you might want to accomplish. Its all about how you optimise for the day. Charles Duhigg, the author of the book, “Power of Habit”, has an incredible concept.

According to his work, a habit is divided into 3 key parts. The first part is the cue, the second is the desired action or routine, and the third is your reward for performing said routine. Let me give you an example. I wanted to start improving my writing and knew that only consistency will get me there. So I planned to set a writing habit. When I come back to my room after breakfast that is my cue or an indication to start writing. The routine is writing for 30 minutes on my laptop. When I am done, I kick back and watch an episode of “Friends” on Netflix.This is my reward for finishing my writing. This is called the habit loop: cue , routine, reward. Use it creatively and form good habits which enhance your life.

But wait there’s more. Now you might ask, “What should I do about a bad habit. How do I go about eliminating that?” Glad you asked. You want to eliminate a bad habit, say biting your nails. Well research shows that people bite their nails when feeling stressed. Feeling stressed is your cue. The routine is biting your nails. And the reward is a release of that anxiety and stress. Now you can’t necessarily stop yourself from feeling stressed in life and you obviously would want to release that tension once do. So the only way to eliminate a bad habit is to replace the undesired action with a positive one. So maybe the next time you feel like chewing on keratin do some squats instead!

Grow a Pair:

I had become a slave to my dreams. I bought into the lie media has woven all so intricately. I realised I wanted nothing to do with coding. All I wanted was to BE successful. Glorifying my ardent vision and overlooking the process needed to get there, I lost a year of my life. But better late than never. After an extended period of self loathing and reflection I realised what I wanted to do was right in front of me. Many people talk about finding passion in life. That you must go on some journey to the inner caves of your being to retrieve this rare fruit. But the reality is quite different. The truth is: You already know what you love to do. You have just written it off as something which is not “practical” to build a life upon. I mean think about it, what do you do on a Saturday morning when you have nothing to do? Personally, I have always loved playing sports, speaking in public, reading non fiction, and even writing a deep poem on a Sunday afternoon! That’s when I realised that passion is always there. To put it in the words of this legendary American writer:

“ I didn’t choose writing, writing chose me.”- Charles Bukowski.

See the problem is never a lack of passion. Its the lack of courage. The human race has always been at a constant war with fear. Counterintuitively, the solution to dealing with fear is not to run and hide; its to have a healthy relationship with it. Its to address and accept it as a part of life. Nobody is fearless, its just that the best among us train for courage. So the next time fear knocks at your door; break the ice, invite her in, and offer up a warm cup of tea!