Don’t have a cow, man
How to let happiness find you
“Our idea of happiness is the main obstacle to happiness.”
That’s a powerful statement from a reputable source — Thich Nhat Hanh, 93-year-old Zen Master and the ‘father of mindfulness’ in the West.
(By the way — we’ll get to the cow momentarily.)
We each have our ideas about how we’ll attain true happiness — they usually involve a multi-pronged scheme to acquire desirable things and eliminate unpleasant things. More good and less bad equals happiness, right?
So what hurdles are standing between you and happiness in this very moment? What criteria do you still need to satisfy before you get there?
It’s hard to shake these misguided notions. But if we understand how they impede true happiness, we can begin to cultivate the insights that help us let go.
Release your cows
Thich Nhat Hanh shares the story of the cow — a simple but pivotal teaching from the Buddha:
The Buddha is sitting around in the woods with a group of monks, when a farmer approaches. Palpably unhappy, the farmer explains that his cow has run away, leaving his sesame fields to be overcome by insects.
If he can’t find his cow, the farmer laments, he will give up on his life. Alas, the group has not seen the cow, and the farmer returns to his futile search.
The Buddha turns to his monks and says:
“You are very lucky — you don’t have any cows to lose.
In the beginning you thought that those cows were essential to your happiness, and you tried to get more and more cows.
But now you realise that cows are not really conditions for your happiness — they constitute an obstacle for your happiness.”
Our cows are the things we need to let go of. Our idea of happiness is one of these cows — perhaps the cowiest cow of the entire herd.
Reflect on the story. Grab a piece of paper. Write down the names of your cows. Can you start releasing any of these cows today?
Take in the horizon
This riddle has always stayed with me:
“I am the unreachable boundary, yet the place you wish to go. I run away as you approach, but I am always there. What am I?”
You’ve probably gleaned the answer: the horizon.
It’s a potent metaphor for happiness — we chase after it, believing we’ll get there if we try hard enough, if we can just stretch our fingers out far enough. And so true happiness evades our grasp like the horizon—the unreachable boundary.
But happiness is not an impossible chasm to be crossed — it’s here. It’s now.
“I run away as you approach, but I am always there.”
Our human folly compels us to pursue the setting sun across oceans, never letting it fall below the horizon — always chasing the last light. What if we choose to stop, and simply enjoy the sunset? We can take in the vast, unwavering beauty of the horizon, allowing the spectacle of light and colour to wash over us.
Every moment spent reaching for happiness is an opportunity to let go. We can accept that we can’t clutch the horizon — nor happiness — and instead, rest in the true happiness of presence.
Ride the snakes
Remember the board game, Snakes and Ladders? I don’t mean to alarm you, but the game has Jumanji’d itself to life. We’re living it.
(This is the last metaphor, I promise.)
We tend to think the surest path to happiness is via the ladders. This makes sense at the surface — it feels good to get things right. But it’s foolish to believe life will always give us ladders — so what happens to our happiness when we slide down a snake?
True happiness arises from accepting the game we’re in, and letting go. Sure, we can create the conditions for happiness, through personal growth and virtuous action — but at a certain point, life unfolds. It’s possible to rest in this tension between effort and release.
Clinging stubbornly to the ladders is a disservice to ourselves. Finding happiness isn’t about fixing our lives, plugging with putty and twisting pipe cleaners. True happiness asks us to lean into our mistakes, our challenges — our snakes.
Failure is simply a brick in the path to lasting happiness. Counterintuitive, yes — but it’s okay to flunk the course. There will always be snakes amongst the ladders.
Put it all together
- Release your cows
Let go of what doesn’t serve you, and see what arises in place. - Take in the horizon
Stop chasing happiness and open your eyes to the full breadth of the present moment. - Ride the snakes
Let yourself get it wrong. True growth comes from making mistakes.
Introduce these practices to your life, and happiness might just find you.
“Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.”
— Guillaume Apollinaire
