Don’t Waste Your Life Trying to Prove Yourself
There it is again, that feeling that I’m not enough. The belief that if I don’t prove that I’m a competent leader, I’m going to get found out.
I just received an email requesting that I update my board on sales performance.
“That’s it,” I think to myself. “I’m going to get found out. At some point, everyone’s going to see that I’m a fraud. They don’t trust me. Everyone is thinking that I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m being called out and better get my shit in order”…and on it goes.
Even though it’s Saturday morning and I have a full day planned with my family, I start obsessing over how I should respond.
I’m thinking I should go type an email response, and that my kids can wait.
Everyone must know that I’m doing my best and working hard. So, I’ll prove it to them by responding immediately.
Am I the only one?
In the midst of these thoughts, I feel a tightening feeling in my forehead and stomach. I feel threatened and lock in my focus on what just happened.
All the while, the kids are playing, the birds are chirping, and those I love most in my life are all present. But not me, I’m in my head brooding about an email I received on my cell phone on a Saturday morning!
It’s painful to reflect on a time of my life where I found myself stuck in this place more often than I’d like to admit.
So often I thought, “Am I the only one experiencing this?”
Just Because It Feels Real, Doesn’t Mean It’s True
If I were your coach I’d want you to know and experience that:
It’s normal to experience fear, worry, and doubt. It’s normal to feel like you aren’t everything you could be and the deep discontentment that comes from that. It’s normal to feel like you must constantly be proving yourself to others and yourself.
What if you could let all that go?
It’s normal and the experience is real, but that doesn’t mean it’s true.
There comes a point in your life where you realize running on the damn hamster wheel is no longer working. What if you were to let go of the struggle and seek a different approach?
What if you could shift from what’s normal to what’s possible?
It’s normal to waste your life…
- Trying to get rid of or avoid what we don’t want in our lives even though it’s out of our control
- Reading way too far into things, ascribing meaning to something that’s not even real
- Believing in what is untrue, keeping you stuck in a pattern of self-defeating behavior
The proverbial molehill becomes a mountain because that’s the way you choose to see it. It’s normal but doesn’t have to be your reality.
You can learn to shift your perspective to see things differently. Starting with the understanding that…
- Fear, worry, and doubt aren’t the enemy you make them out to be. It’s only information that you have the opportunity to respond to. When you don’t get carried away by it, you can use it to inform what matters to you.
- Judgments, interpretations, and assumptions are a complete waste of time and energy. Why the need to always expound on what just happened? Stop making stuff up, it’s not helping. Instead, simply learn to observe what is.
- Proving yourself to others will only lead you to stress, anxiety, and burn out. Instead, express your true self, your values, and what matters most to you in your life. Go and create the results you want to see.
I still find myself getting caught up in unpleasant experiences and unhelpful behaviors.
But by practicing these principles, I find that I can unhook myself much quicker from the thoughts and beliefs that don’t serve me and shift toward what does.
You’re not alone in your struggle. But you also don’t need to be controlled by what’s normal either.
Reflect for a moment. What are some areas in your life that create tension, stress, and overwhelm? What is the source of it? What if you let it go or loosen your grip?
Now that you are free, what would you choose to do instead?
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