Drop The American Drive
Even in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, old cultural habits die hard.
For many of us, this is a time of time, a chapter of mounting uncertainty with a side of eternity. We are grieving, collectively. According to the grief expert David Kessler, we are not only grieving the sick and dying within a terrifying atrium of all that cannot be anticipated, but we are also grieving the sudden, stark change of the world as we know it. Though so many of us have known for some time that the systems that pieced our society together were broken at best, no one expected it all to get decimated so suddenly. Even those who have been calling for revolution for decades are reeling in the face of the unprecedentedly swift dispatch of daily — no, hourly — changes amid the global COVID-19 pandemic.
As Americans, we are wired for industry. With one of the longest workweeks in our hemisphere and two weeks vacation for the exceptionally lucky, it is the expectation among ourselves and our neighbors that we are always working. Work, in the United States, is identity. A constant professional grind is the badge of functional adulthood in our society. Interestingly, alongside this near-brutal work ethic, we are also known as one of the cheeriest populations in the West. Cheerfulness, hope, and the let’s-do-it-anyway attitude is a widely socially mandated script among Americans. This combination has, for some time, been the seed of the infamous American caricature abroad, the butt of generations of gentle ridicule from our European neighbors.
These two American cultural traits — a relentless work ethic and a persistent determination to be glad — drive us to constantly be “in action,” to maintain momentum at all costs, regardless of circumstances. We don’t wallow, we don’t wait, and by and large, we don’t grieve much.
I have seen extraordinary projects rise out of this all-American get-up-and-go-make-things resolve, but sometimes I think we are missing an essential step. We all know the term spiritual bypassing, coined in the 1980s by Buddhist teacher and psychotherapist John Welwood, to describe the practice of sidestepping psychological wounds. Whether we’re avoiding grief via spiritual or religious practices or by way of some other ingrained “stay busy” rhetoric, avoidance-by-constant-action is what Americans do best. It can be immensely positive at times and beautiful things come out of this unique American drive. However, in a time of crisis, this frantic, socially-rehearsed script can lead to craze — and the pressures of these values compounded with sudden unemployment, time, quarantine, uncertainty, and crisis, can make us lose touch with larger reality.
My social media for the last ten days has been endless declarations of, Welp! Time to finish writing that book! or Time to start recording the next great podcast! or Time to get in shape!
Let’s just get something straight here: we are in the midst of an international emergency where thousands of people are losing their lives to an invisible force, and as a result, everything we’ve ever known is crumbling. And along with that, many of us have found ourselves with swathes of open time we could’ve never predicted.
Here’s the truth: if ever there was a time for grief, it is now. If starting a deadlifting practice is how you grieve, more power to you. But honestly everyone, you don’t have to write the next great American novel right now. You don’t have to learn audio production on Wednesday to start recording the next award-winning podcast on Thursday. You don’t have to learn Mandarin before April. You do not have to “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” and go be “productive” this week. Can we please for once relieve ourselves of the incessant American pressure of constant action and personal industry? For goodness sake, isn’t now the time?
My first two days of quarantine were spent horizontal in bed consumed with grief. I could barely move. And you know what, that’s ok, and I daresay, normal.
If there is anything this virus is reminding us of it is that we’re all connected. Simply being and doing that which we can to remain as mentally cared-for as possible will do as much for the collective as the next “great” podcast. It’s ok to grieve, it’s ok to take some of this time to rest; in fact, it will help us all out if you do. Our own mental health needs to be at the top of our growing quarantine to-do lists. If you can, give yourself the time.