Put the Envy to Work
Everyone has been jealous at least once in their lives. Envy can be absolutely devastating and can destroy your life, or it can be used as a tool to help you succeed at what it is that you’re envious of.
Personally, it seems like the past 10 years have been nothing but being envious of someone else. Someone that seems like they have it all together. They’re the perfect mom, daughter, sister, friend, whatever. At least that’s what it looks like from the outside. From the pictures that are being constantly thrown into other’s faces, the happy posts on social media, the “I love you so much”, blah blah blah. It seems like it’s always something.
The one thing that I have really struggled with is mom-envy. I look at the mom’s who seem to be Super Mom and Super Wife, and I just don’t know how they can do it all and still keep their sanity, while I’m over here just struggling to keep the dishes clean and the laundry done while raising two kids that are 2 years apart, and do it all while sleep-deprived. I mean, come on… I got 4 hours of sleep last night and look like a train wreck and this mom on Instagram is putting together a 5 year old’s birthday party in the theme of magical unicorns, holding her 10 month old in one arm while helping 15 little kids hit a piñata with the other, making sure no bugs land on the cake and also taking her own pictures of the party in the process. And don’t get me started on the fact that she is dressed to the nines with no signs of spit up anywhere on her perfectly ironed dress and her hair looks like she spent hours on it, forcing it to do exactly what she wants it to do. Is it any wonder why we feel that green emotion of jealousy? She can practically do it all, and in heels, and I just barely managed to shower myself for the first time in 5 days and keep my babies full and clean.
But what we all have to realize is that just because their world looks peachy-keen, and that they have their shit all together, doesn’t mean that’s the truth. Yeah, she may look like she’s kicking ass at that birthday party, but no one sees the part of her that just wants to scream uncontrollably because the chaos around her is making her anxious and her skin crawl. No one sees that on the inside she’s sobbing and wants to be able to go out of the house for just one grocery store trip without little ones hanging all over her, or trying to get out of the seat in the shopping cart, and having to watch the oldest one and what goes in the basket because two weeks ago he put in 5 chocolate candy bars without her realizing while she was dealing with the baby who was screaming in the middle of aisle 4.
Nobody can see that. No one knows that she’s lost herself in being a mother and a wife. No one knows that she feels lost and without a sense of purpose other than to be a climbing pole and a vomit rag to her little babies, and the amount of guilt that comes with those feelings are at times completely unbearable.
We’ve all been jealous, envious of someone else’s story. You could be envious of her life, while, in reality, she’s envious of yours. That kind of jealousy can lead to dark places and can destroy relationships and lives, but if you use that envy that you feel and start applying that effort into achieving even just a sliver of the kind of life that you’re jealous of, that’s when envy goes from green and destroying to helpful, useful and motivating. And when you do get to that point of satisfaction in how your life is turning out, don’t forget the woman who made it possible for you to try. Don’t forget to give all the other moms out there that are struggling some love, respect and most of all, understanding. Because it becomes less lonely when you know that you’re not the only one who’s struggling, and not the only one who has ever lost and forgotten who she really is — who she was before life happened. When you do that, it gives her incentive to fight again to get back to who she was, and who she is meant to be.
