Five Cautionary Tales for Better Allies
Each week, Karen Catlin shares five simple actions to create a more inclusive workplace and be a better ally.
This week’s newsletter is somewhat different from the norm. Instead of five everyday actions to take to be better allies, I decided to write about five things not to do. The news has been full of these cautionary tales, and I wanted to share them with all of you.
1. Don’t talk over someone
I’m starting this week’s newsletter with something I shouldn’t have to explain. Don’t talk over a person when someone directly asks them a question. Sadly, Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison did precisely this last week. Here’s what happened.
A reporter asked a member of Parliament, Anne Ruston, about the government’s culture for women. Just as she started to answer, the PM cut her off and made it all about himself, emphasizing how seriously he treats the issue of sexual misconduct. If you haven’t already watched this viral clip, you’re missing out on a master class in what not to do.
2. Don’t use pet names for women at work
In a recent Fast Company article, researchers Amy Diehl Ph.D. and Leanne Dzubinski Ph.D. laid out what should be obvious but isn’t. Pet names like “missy,” “kiddo,” “girl,” “dear,” “sweetheart,” and “honey” aren’t cute or funny. Not only is using them unprofessional, but also sexist. As the authors shared,
“The subtle undertone to pet names is a sexist message that women don’t belong in professional settings and lack competence. A mathematician whose male bosses refer to her as ‘sweetie’ and ‘honey’ commented, ‘It’s like they are intimidated by my abilities and so to put me in my place they need to use demoralizing pet names to make me seem not as competent.’”
Instead of pet names, let’s just use someone’s darn name.
3. Don’t pay someone less for doing the same work as a white man
Patricia Escárcega, a food critic at the Los Angeles Times, shared on Twitter that her pay discrimination claim was denied. It’s understandably frustrating. She and her co-critic do the same work and have the exact same responsibilities. Her managers have told her repeatedly that she was equal to her co-critic, was expected to do the same work, and held to the same standards. Her co-critic, Bill Addison, stands with Patricia: “We are co-critics, we perform the same job, we should be paid equally.”
Yet, the paper believes it should pay the Latina woman a third less than her white male peer. Jeepers.
4. Don’t give unconscious demotions
Imagine arriving at a party. You’re just scoping out the room to see if anyone you know is there when some stranger hands you their empty plate to clear. Or asks you to get them another drink. If you’re Black or Brown, you might not have to use your imagination, because you might very well have had this experience yourself. In fact, at a party in 2003, another guest asked then state senator Barack Obama to fetch him a drink.
My friend Dr. Suzanne Wertheim coined the term “unconscious demotion” to describe the unthinking habit of assuming that someone holds a position lower in status or expertise than they actually do.
Want some more examples? In 2018, the New York Times interviewed about a dozen professionals of color who shared their experiences with unconscious demotions. Like how others assumed that they were part of the help. Or that they weren’t qualified to treat patients. Or that they should be patted down when entering a courthouse (when white colleagues weren’t).
Allies, let’s be on the lookout for our biases. Let’s not give unconscious demotions.
5. Don’t make someone prove themselves over and over again
A hearty congratulations to Kim Ng, the new general manager of the Miami Marlins and the first woman to fill such a position in Major League Baseball. A significant accomplishment, yet why did it take so long? She’s a highly accomplished leader, having served as an executive in the MLB for over three decades. She was an assistant general manager for both the Yankees and the Dodgers, as well as in other leadership positions.
As I heard about Ng, I thought of “prove-it-again” bias. Research from Lean In and Survey Monkey found that men get promoted based on potential and women get promoted based on performance. This means that women are stuck on a treadmill, continually proving and reproving that they’re worthy of responsibility and capable of leadership.
As you hire people or evaluate employees for promotion, look out for this bias. What does this look like in practice? “Before I’d have her to lead a business unit, I’d want to make sure she’s already been successful in that kind of role.” For an equally qualified man, the comment might be: “Even though he hasn’t led a business unit before, I just know he can do the job. He looks great.”
That’s all for this week. Please note that because of the Thanksgiving holiday here in the U.S., there will be no newsletter next Friday. I’ll be back in your inboxes again on December 4. In the meantime, I wish you strength and safety as we all move forward,
— Karen Catlin, Founder and Author of Better Allies®
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