Five Things Growing Up in a “Hippie Commune” Taught Me About Building Online Community.
Alright, full disclosure. I didn’t grow up in a hippie commune. But I did spend my teenage years living in a co-housing community where we shared common spaces, held regular meals, looked out for the neighbor’s kids and generally created a miniature world that we could thrive in. It was a unique upbringing that shapes how I see “communities.”
Back then the internet was still in its nascent period and the idea of an online community would have felt like a sci-fi novel to me. The rapid rise of social media combined with the recent popularity of closed format platforms was unprecedented. As the idea of what a community is and can be are changing we need to find ways that create healthy online environments.
In his piece “What Does “Community” Even Mean?” author Fabian Pfortmüller realizes the need for a new definition. He proposes we think about community as “a group of people that care about each other & feel they belong together.” This incorporates the important aspects of being intrinsically human and building relationships around a shared identity. With this in mind, I will attempt to define five ways that one can apply my formative years to this brave new world.
1. Treat people like a diverse family.
When my family moved into co-housing our size increased from five to 72. Suddenly I had “radical lesbian feminist” auntie and a dozen more cousins. I was exposed to all sorts of people, which gave me insight into all walks of life. In a collection of interviews with Irish community builders, Paula Bradshaw says, “A good community would ideally have a healthy mix of people from different religious, cultural and ethnic backgrounds so that the young people grow up to accept difference and display tolerance and respect at all times.” I believe we can practice this online by being open and encouraging of inclusivity towards a variety of individuals. Sure we’re not raising kids together, but it still takes a village to raise a well-adjusted Facebook group.
2. Be engaged.
In our co-housing group, we partook in meetings, took turns cleaning the common house and held a variety of events such as talent shows and an annual Oscar party. Keeping the grounds looking nice and participating in communal activities made everyone feel like they were contributing and a part of something larger than themselves. Try it online! Create original content to share, partake in a conversation thread, respond directly to someone’s post, or design a poll. Social media allows us so many new ways to connect.
3. “Eat dinner together.”
Sharing a meal with people is typically a time where you can relax and form a direct connection. To know someone better is to understand them better, fostering connectivity and creating a caring space. You obviously can’t brunch digitally, but you can spend “time” with each and get to know one another. Admittedly, you’ll have to work double-time to become familiar with a person online. So when in an online group ask questions that encourage people to open up about themselves, keep up with what other people are talking about and if possible, engage in active live chats or video conferences. Don’t forget to share pieces of your life, so people can know you too.
4. Don’t be a jerk.
No one likes having a bad relationship with your neighbor, particularly if you’re going to be regularly interacting with them. The same goes for an online community where you’ll be routinely encountering the same individuals. An easy way to do this is simply by not being a jerk. Practice courtesy, keep it polite, act in good faith and when conflicts do arise, address it like an adult.
5. Working together we can create beautiful things.
This week I visited my “hippie commune” for the first time in many years (moving cross country makes regular visits hard). It’s amazing to see the avocado trees we grafted twenty years ago ladened with fruit. There’s a deep pleasure in seeing something we started come into fruition. As we move further into the digital realm we can’t forget that the human connection and embracing shared values are what bring us together. When we support and grow with each other we are capable of extraordinary feats. If we are diving into the digital realm we should do so with the values we desire to see in the physical, creating communities that are safe, empowering, caring, participative and happy.
