Generosity: An investment

It’s more than gift-giving. It’s a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual investment.

I grew up in a household that engrained generosity in me. My parents took every opportunity to give — with sheer joy and without expectation. When you grow up in an environment where anything is done so often it becomes a common part of life, you think it’s normal. That every family is that way. That everyone gives in small and big ways. Because that’s what people do, right?

Wrong.

I saw my parents give away their extra car. It didn’t work well at all and was most of the time just a pain, but was nice to have when they needed it. But you know what? It worked real well for the selfless, amazing, wonderful woman they gave it to who didn’t have a car at all and rarely complained.

In contrast, my parent’s millionaire, trust-fund friend (who was also personally very successful through a great career, frugality, and loads of wise investments) wouldn’t even give $50 when pooling funds to help out one of their close, mutual friends who worked their fingers to the bone their entire life with barely anything to show for it.

Kind of unbelievable, right? You may not be a millionaire with a lot to give. But most of us can find ways to give according to our means. And every single one of us can reap the benefits that living a life of generosity has to offer.

What is generosity?

Have you ever been in a situation to practice generosity and followed through? How did you feel? If you’re like most, it can feel real, real good to give freely and without expectation.

Being generous means training our inner self to have less attachment to material things. It’s an outward and inner expression of letting go. The outward letting go is the actual giving of whatever it is we choose — time, money, attention, wisdom, kindness. The inner expression is the letting go of self-centeredness, greed, and jealousy.

It’s a stepping stone to putting other people first through kindness and compassion. It means understanding the impact that compassion through generosity can have on the person receiving it. It can also inspire chain reactions of generosity. Priceless if you ask me.

Research also shows that generosity has a myriad of health benefits: it helps us to live longer, increases healthy brain activity, and reduces anxiety and depression.

Ways to express generosity

We can express generosity in many ways. It’s important to understand that generosity extends beyond giving away tangible things like gifts or money.

Time and attention

Time can be a simple way to demonstrate generosity. You can use your time to volunteer mowing your aging neighbor’s lawn or spend time sitting with your friend who is struggling. You can do the dishes out of turn because your roommate or partner is overwhelmed.

Attention and active listening is also a form of generosity. It’s easy to let our minds drift off during times when it feels like someone is babbling about a personal problem. Maybe you just don’t care. Perhaps you have something else (or anything else) to do.

How about instead you choose to listen with care and attention. It may open up a tremendous opportunity to share wisdom or words of encouragement. It’s even possible that you end up not having a whole lot to say in return. And that’s OK. Because sometimes, all people really need is someone to just… listen.

Compliments and encouragement

Words are also a great way to be generous. Words of encouragement, advice, or simple compliments can do the trick.

When I first hit legal working age and got a job, I met some wonderful people and made new friends. One girl in particular, after hanging out a few times, told me that she had never met someone who complimented people, even complete strangers, as much and as often as I did.

I loved that. I took it as a huge compliment. And what struck me about her comment was how I had never even noticed that about myself — I was genuinely generous with kind words and compliments.

I decided right then and there that anytime I ever had a good thought about anyone, no matter how small, I would never keep it to myself. I would share it out loud. And so can you. Seeing the grandiose smile a compliment has the power of putting on the faces of others is a great feeling.

Avoid excuses

A common excuse I hear from a lot of people is the “I don’t have enough” excuse. And most of the time, it’s a complete lie.

It’s easy to get caught up thinking we can’t give until we have an abundance of money or things. My knee-jerk internal response when I hear people say this is that many of us actually do have enough. In fact, most of us live in abundance. Observe the life of a minimalist and you’ll realize that it’s actually possible to live with much, much less.

In order to illustrate my point, let me share with you a real conversation I had with a friend of mine who expressed her desire to give.

By the age of 29, my friend had paid off all of her student loan debt and owned both of her cars. That’s insane. On average, it takes around 21 years for graduates with a Bachelor’s degree to pay off their loan debt. She then married a successful lawyer and often (not so subtly) mentioned how financially well off they were with their combined income. She never went on vacation without saving in advance and would pay all vacation expenses out of pocket. In sum, she was not hurting financially.

So, when I asked her why she couldn’t give, she said there was just no way she could justify it until her husband had much, much more saved for retirement. She herself was well ahead of the curve for her age in saving for her own, but due to her husband’s thin 401k savings, it was simply impossible to rationalize any sum of monetary giving.

She was trapped by the “I don’t have enough” excuse.

Instead of focusing on the myriad of ways she had more than enough, she deliberately focused on the one aspect of her financial life that she believed was not up to par.

She was bound by a selfish desire for money. If I had to guess, her husband’s 401k could never have enough for her to “justify” giving.

And that’s exactly why practicing generosity is so important. The more we give, the more we are able to see all the ways that we actually can give. The more we give, the less “sticky” our hearts and, in turn, our fingers become. The more we give, the more we see how liberating and powerful the act of giving is.

And hopefully, the more we give, the longer we live, and ultimately, the more time and opportunity we have to give.