Grant Study Reveals How You Can Live a Happy Life
It’s not what you’d expect
“Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.” Robert Waldinger
More than 80 years ago, Harvard Medical School launched a series of studies on Adult Development, aiming to give an answer to one of the eternal questions, “What makes us happy?”
Is it money? Does living a wealthy life add to our happiness?
Is it fame and glory? Does being famous solve all our problems and pave the way to a happy life?
The answer is not what you might think and surely, researchers didn’t expect the following results at all.
The study started in 1938, during the decade of the Great Depression, when a severe worldwide economic downturn caused millions of people to lose their jobs and live in insecurity about the future. That was a crucial era to do research on happiness and that’s why the results are outstanding.
Over the last 80 years, the study has tracked the physical and mental health of two groups:
1. 268 sophomores (second-year students at high school or college) physically and mentally healthy. The boys finished college during the Second World War and most of them headed off to serve in the War.
2. 456 disadvantaged inner-city residents, as part of the “Glueck study,” which was run in tandem with the Grant study.
The reason why the researchers decided to include individuals from both advantaged and disadvantaged backgrounds was to ensure that the study’s results were not going to get affected by factors such as money, fame and level of education.
What makes this study special?
Apart from its length, it’s the way it was carried out as well.
Researchers and scientists have watched entire lives as they unfolded through time. They have interviewed people in their living rooms, they have made questionnaires and asked their doctors for their medical records, they have even scanned their brains.
They have studied the participants’ broader lives, home lives, marriages, careers, failures, and successes; they have talked with their wives and children. Moreover, during the last decades, they have expanded their research to include in the study the participants’ descendants and wives as well.
However, the findings are quite unexpected.
As Robert Waldinger, the director of the study and psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital said,
“The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in them have a powerful influence on our health. Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is a revelation.”
In simple words, being connected with people in our lives is far more valuable to our health and well-being than career and money.
Bonds are what keeps us alive. They help us go through life’s challenges. They stand by us, they have our backs. It’s liberating to know that you have somebody in your life to lean on whatever happens.
What does the Grant study teach us?
According to R. Waldinger, the study teaches us three important lessons:
Social connections are good for us and loneliness can kill.
We are social beings; we are meant to be born, grow up, live, and die surrounded by people. We are meant to seek social connection.
We all know that when many people act together, as a community or a team, they can achieve a lot.
On the other hand, there are a few things we can accomplish when we act on our own. And the truth is, nobody wants to be lonely. Nobody likes loneliness, because it feels terrible.
Now, don’t get me wrong. To be alone from time to time is healthy. However, there is a difference between “I enjoy my me time” and “I don’t have anybody to talk to, while I would like to.” The former is okay and absolutely necessary in our lives. Loneliness is when we feel alone, even if we are surrounded by a dozen of people. When we believe that nobody is there for us; that nobody has our back.
Quality matters, not quantity.
It doesn’t matter whether you have twenty friends and go out with them every night. It doesn’t matter whether you talk to everyone in your workplace. The only thing that matters when we talk about relationships is quality.
How many close friends do you have? And by close, I mean people you can open your heart to, share your secret thoughts with and be yourself without pretending.
Most probably, less than five. And that’s okay because it’s far better to have a few good friends, than a lot and feel that you can’t talk to them. These are the people you’re going to lean on during hard times: your close friends and family.
“The hands that are going to help, support, and stand by you are few. Having many hands around is a waste of time. You’ll get to understand this as you’re getting older.” Thanasis Veggos, Greek comedian
Good relationships protect both your body and your brain.
When you feel you can count on the other person in times of need, you feel relief, happiness and gratitude. You’re sure that you’re not alone in life.
According to studies, a good relationship can reduce stress levels and the risk of cardiovascular disease and help you stay clear of Alzheimer and dementia. Your brain works effectively and your memory remains sharper for longer. To the ageing brain, a warm and trusting relationship can give a big memory boost.
Something to take home
Yes, good relationships are hard and messy.
They require lots of work and lifelong commitment. They need you to be present, ready to offer yourself, prepared to make some allowances. But in return, they give you so much more.
So, if you ask me, they’re worth embracing them and offering them a special place in our lives.
