How I Survived Burning Out
Picture this. You walk in to your office, 3 people are already at your desk calling your name before you sit down. Angry clients, employee problems, bosses demands and solicitations fill up your e-mail inbox. You’ve got 20 unread slack messages.
The countdown to lunch begins.
After “burning out” at a well established company, I decided I’d start a role at a startup. New colleagues, new city, new office, new perks and new company. I thought I’d have a real impact and therefore find the fulfillment I was looking for. I was excited and feeling like this was the change I needed. After all, I believed in this company and went from being another cog in the wheel to actually having an impact — I even got a photo on the website!
Things started off great. I was the first manager at a new office, I was given a company card, tons of stock options, new laptop and best of all, responsibility.
Fast forward 2 years to the scene in the first paragraph. I would love to say we’ve all been there but I hope for your sake that’s not the case. I walked in to this scene for nearly a year. By no means am I lazy but the role I was in was not challenging me whatsoever. My team was setting records, breaking the commission plan (that I co produced), shoot — at one point we went 17 months in a row without missing team quota. The money was good, the autonomy was welcomed but I was not growing. Towards the end, the bulk of my time at work was spent reading articles online or chatting on slack with friends instead of working. And then I got a promotion..
The secret to success and fulfillment that I was looking for.. Or so I thought. Rewind a couple of years back and you’d know that I’d set out to become a Sales Director by the age of 30 and here I was at the age of 29 managing 5 managers and a team of 60+ sales people.
So why wasn’t I happy?
I had the recognition, people from outside of my department coming to me for advice, making great money and I was a big stakeholder in many of the decisions that impacted my team and the entire company.
That’s when I realized, “burning out” is not about being in a position for too long. It’s not about titles, duties, tasks, roles or compensation. It’s not about your manager, your commute, your office space, your team, your culture.
It’s about growing, or lack thereof.
Here I was on the other side of the grass but still not content. I realized I had stopped growing. I’d stopped learning, I wasn’t really faced with new challenges and my boss had stopped teaching me anything new, mostly because after 2+ years of working under him I’d pretty much learned all I was going to learn from him. Once I figured out that was what was causing this burn out, I got to thinking. How can I keep growing? What can I control?
The first and most important was obvious:
Mindset.
I had a choice, I could either “burn out” in this new role, a role that I’d been gunning for since starting a sales career or change my mindset about the role and stop blaming external factors on my work satisfaction (Note: all of what burning out is not about is also not within our control). I started reading books on this Growth Mindset thing. The idea that you can improve in every aspect of life. Books like Grit by Angela Duckworth and Mindset by Carol S. Dweck. Then implementing what I’d learned into everyday life. The amazing thing that I think we as humans underestimate and underutilize ( I realize it sounds obvious) is that we control what we think. Once you realize this its a no brainer — why feed your mind trash when you are in control?
Since then things have really started to change. At work I’ve started to having better relationships with my colleagues, playing a bigger role and received more compensation. But most importantly I’ve made an even bigger impact by teaching this to all of our new hires (whom I am responsible for training). At home I’ve been able to mend a broken relationship with my girlfriend, get back into some side projects that I’d put on hold and get back in the gym. Mindset was so crucial to my situation because it created a snowball effect — it led me to the other two things I attribute to not burning out.
The second thing:
Positive Attitude.
I used to think attitude and mindset were the same thing. The truth is you cannot have a Positive attitude without first changing your mindset. Attitude is defined as a settled way of thinking about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person’s behavior. Mindset is defined as the established set of attitudes held by someone. Your attitude is shaped by your mindset.
Realizing that I could change my mindset, I now knew I could change my attitude and disposition towards work. I started to read on attitude and came across The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. This book completely debunks the idea that success leads to happiness, when in fact it’s the other way around. Happiness leads to success. This really hit me, because I was experiencing it first hand. I’d tasted success and while this made me happy, it was fleeting. If we live our lives chasing success in order to feel happy, we’ll do exactly that… chase happiness.
I’ve since formed a minor obsession with ways to become happier. I could write another story on the subject (and probably will) but some things that I’ve implemented to become happier are:
- Journaling: Simply jotting down 3 things that I’m grateful for everyday
- Helping Others: because who doesn’t feel better after helping someone?
- Making time for things I love: like hanging out with my girlfriend or playing guitar
- Exercising: scientifically proven to benefit almost every aspect of your life
- Surrounding myself with other happy people: Misery loves company.
The last thing that saved me from burning out:
Stop Taking Work So Seriously
I was overly competitive with colleagues because I was under the belief that there was only room for one person to be promoted. Not only that but I thought my boss favored everyone over me. I started making up conspiracy theories in my head and before I knew it I was more focused on the other guys than myself. That led to a ton of unnecessary stress, worry and unhappiness. My entire life was shaped by these thoughts at work, from my relationships outside of work to my weekend plans. Then I realized something — I’m not a cardiac surgeon. My work is not life or death. I took a step back and stopped taking work so seriously.
It sounds counterintuitive but it’s true. It sounds easy but it’s hard. But here is the reality: work is stressful in and of itself. I don’t care what you do, being at the same place for 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year is stressful! Overanalyzing things just makes it worse. We get so caught up in work, the day to day grind, the traffic in the morning, that annoying co-worker, that next open promotion; that we forget to enjoy life.
If you learn to control what you can control you will start to look at things differently. You’ll stop stressing over things you can’t control. I’m not saying stop showing up on time or stop producing, I’m saying take a step back. Smile. Be present. Be thankful for this opportunity and be on the lookout for others. Be grateful for the air conditioning in the room, the coworker that tells you about their strange hobby and the fact that your boss is not Michael Scott.
Takeaway
If you implement the three things above, even just one, you’ll find yourself more satisfied at work than before. Growth Mindset, Positive Attitude and Not taking work (and life) so seriously have changed my life for the better. I hope that reading this makes you realize you have more control over tour situation than you thought. Know that it won’t be easy, there is much to change, but this is your life, make it count.
