How to Achieve Your Goals Using Social Contracts
Why is goal setting so often arduous and disappointment-inducing? Well, to be more specific, it’s the following through portion that seems to be the problem.
Goal setting is easy — fun even! We think about the areas in our lives that could stand to use some work and get wrapped up in all the excitement of the growth to come. “I’m going to be so fit by the end of the summer,” “I can’t wait until I can make all these women swoon by showing them my backflip,” “I’m going to be a modern-day Beethoven.”
We become overly optimistic in our projections of our future selves and then proceed to take comfort in that. That is, rather than the actual result, it is the anticipation of the results that we get high off. At this stage, the distance between ourselves and our goal seems so close. In a spur of inspiration, how-to videos on the goal of choice are binged; maybe you read a few Medium articles or listen to a few podcasts on the art of goal-setting, and then you set a schedule to follow in order to meet success in your endeavour.
Whew. Look at all that hard work you just put in, time for a break! (uh oh).
At first, you’re on fire, driven by your sense of motivation. Nothing can stop you, your eyes locked on the finish line. But that motivation soon starts to wane. Before long, you become overly-lenient with yourself and reward even the most incremental progress with a break. These breaks become ever more frequent until all action towards your goal become an artifact of the motivation you once held. So much for being able to make all those women swoon.
It’s evident here that goal setting can often be an exercise in something like mental masturbation — it feels good, but you don’t really get anywhere in the end.
So how do you maintain a steady track-record of progress when motivation is unreliable? Most often the solution that’s touted is good ol’ fashioned discipline. And honestly, if you can cultivate a deep sense of discipline within yourself, life opens its arms up to you. As the decorated Navy SEAL Jocko Willink proclaims, “discipline equals freedom.” I know, it sounds counterintuitive. However, it couldn’t be closer to the truth. You can’t tell me that you’re making the most of life sitting on your ass, watching that same show on Netflix for the 20th time while absentmindedly scrolling through your phone.
Hell no.
This scenario doesn’t yield the same outcome as disciplining yourself to embrace novel challenges that push you to grow. Growth that affords you the freedom to choose between the ever-growing number of opportunities that start knocking at your door.
“Ok yeah, but discipline is hard and it hasn’t been working out well for me.”
Well, there’s another potential remedy for this ubiquitous problem — social contracts.
In a nutshell, social contracts are forged by telling others about the goal that you’ve laid out for yourself. The more people, the more effective this becomes. Of course, this comes contrary to another popular belief, which is to remain silent and diligently work towards your goal.
The beauty of this method lies in being able to take advantage of the state of hyper-connectivity we seem to be living in. Everyone is aware of what their network is up to thanks to, predominantly, social media. For better or worse, this method has become ever more potent thanks to being connected to this degree. Once everyone knows about it, they will start to hold you accountable to your word. The more outlandish or daring the goal, the more likely they are to ask you about it the next time that they see you. Consequently, this also then becomes a constant reminder to keep pushing yourself towards achieving it!
If you can’t hold yourself accountable then let others do the legwork for you. Simple as that.
This plays out in one of two ways. Either you let the fear drive you to accomplish your goal, or you succumb to it and end up having to sheepishly deliver an excuse as to why it didn’t come to fruition.
One pitfall to be wary of: in telling others about your goal, there is a tendency for many of us to almost mentally check off the task as being completed. This fallacy is typically what causes people to fail in using this method.
You still have to show up and put in the work.
At the end of the day, you may find that this tactic does not work well for you. This is fine. It is merely meant to be another tool at your disposal.
Just remember:
If you’re not executing, you’re making excuses.
You are capable of so much. You are capable of being great. You are capable of changing the world. But the world is changed by your example, not your opinion. So start today and keep it up tomorrow and every day after.
