Navigating the post-grad blues
Take a step back and give yourself a break.
“So I just kept hoping, I just kept hoping, the way would become clear”. This is a lyric from a song by the Alabama Shakes that perfectly encapsulates the last year of my life.
This is the first time since I was four years old that I am outside the institution of education and it is daunting to stand in my own space with no ties to a structure that has controlled my life so far. I think part of the reason it has been so scary is that for my whole life I have had a concrete thing to measure myself against. I knew what I wanted: to get good grades, and I knew the steps that had to be taken to get that. I produced work and had regular feedback with constructive criticism and advice, and a tangible assessment of what I had done. I had markers to measure my success, something to show for my effort. There was a template to follow and I understood it.
But outside of school, that doesn’t really exist. You are on your own and there is no one to curate your experience of life for you. You have to create your reality for yourself. And if you are like me, not having a way to assess yourself, your progress, not having the validation of an external ‘grade’, is extremely disconcerting. I like being in control, having stable and well-defined steps to get to an end point. I feel safe in a structured environment with few unexpected shocks.
Then I left school and everything changed.
To me graduating felt like jumping into a freezing sea with no land in sight and waves slapping you in the face. But you have a fancy swimsuit on and that counts for something right?
After a year of absolutely floundering about what I should or could be doing, I came to the conclusion that I simply had to let go of any preconceived notions about what ‘real life’ should feel like, stop being so hard on myself, and just relax. It’s about the only thing you can do when you have no idea what you want to do. You have to relinquish control, forget unrealistic expectations and figure out what actually makes you happy.
Taking the time to seek joy, especially in small things, seems counter-intuitive to starting a career. We’re told that we have to make the time ‘count’ and engage in things that will act as career catalysts: fill your CV with volunteer work in the field you want to get into, practice setting goals, network with people with jobs you find interesting, keep in touch with professors etc etc.
That is all very practical advice and useful if you can actually find the motivation to utilize it, but when you’re dealing with complex emotions (ecstatic freedom, confusion, nostalgia, exhaustion, happiness) it’s really hard to do. It is hard to feel like you’re making strides towards becoming the full version of your adult self when you feel directionless and uncertain.
You can’t force a path to reveal itself to you but you can become clear in your values, your sources of comfort and happiness and the kind of person you want to be.
Spend time doing things that you like. Indulge in triviality, get outside, sign up for an interesting course, do something creative and get over the idea that you have to be super successful within a year post-graduation.
Ignore the self imposed panic and do what feels good.
It’s all about self-reflection
You are the person best qualified to say what makes you feel happy, and what doesn’t. It’s also helpful to take stock of the things you know for sure you definitely do not like especially when it comes to jobs. Keep a journal and record your thoughts, the mundane happenings, the small excitements you experience. I’ve gotten to know myself so much better over the last year and working in jobs that are not careers for me has been such a learning experience.
You have to focus on things that make you happy now, in the short term, small things. An accumulation of all these joys can form a big picture that can provide life-changing revelations and new options to consider. Just being in the world is a learning experience so don’t discount the time spent embracing new things and different adventures.
I’m not advocating a lifetime of ignoring responsibility but I think that taking a while for yourself and being selfish in your pursuit of simple joy is so valuable. I wish I had followed my own advice from the moment I graduated but it is so easy to succumb to the societal pressure to choose a career and to actively pursue it all of the time. I lost time wallowing and feeling sorry for myself instead of realizing that if even if I’m not in my dream job, there are other ways to feel fulfilled and turning inward to satisfy your inner craving for contentment can be manifested in so many different ways.
Investing in yourself will get you to where you want to be eventually even if the destination is a surprise.
