How to Get by in San Francisco as a Broke Millennial:

In solidarity with all my non-techies. Some of these are harsh… but necessary.

1. Find a set of parents with whom to live, preferably for free. They don’t have to be the ones given to you at birth, in fact, try to look for parents that can also get you a job in your chosen field. Nothing says unconditional love like a little quid-pro-quo, right? Pro-tip: In the event that you are unable to find a suitable arrangement, many have substituted for a handful of roommates.

2. Stop buying coffee every morning. Seriously. Ideally wake yourself up without a substance, but if not — stop hitting snooze, wake up five minutes earlier, and make your own damn coffee. You may be making a statement with that Starbucks cup, but it’s probably not the one you want to be making anyway.¹ Pro-tip: Trader Joe’s opens at 8 a.m. Head over to the samples section for a cup of Joe, and be satisfied with the miniature cup² they give you. It comes with free creamer and sugar if you’re into that. And a free food sample? Boom, breakfast.

3. On another note, stop eating out. No, you can’t afford that $13 açai bowl or that $15 sushiritto. Don’t do it for the ‘gram, do it for the budget. Two words: meal prepping. It will change your life.

4. If you’re getting into an Uber or Lyft, or any other equivalent, it better be on a one-way trip out of the city.³ Sit your broke ass on Muni like everybody else, or better yet, buy a bike. I hear it’s in. Try to bear with the hills, maybe in a couple of months you can be making some cash as a calves model.

5. Kill an industry. Call a meeting with your millennial friends and together make a pledge to never step foot inside a movie theater or brick-and-mortar restaurant serving generic food. Your friends will think you are so avant-garde — and you really are looking ahead, towards your financial future, that is.

6. You’re going to need to pick up a side hustle. Preferably one where you don’t have to cut a slice to the IRS.⁴ I’m not saying go Apple just yet, but maybe look into taking a jewelry-making class at City College and selling those pieces at touristy areas. Cash only, of course. And stay clear of Haight + Ashbury. That territory’s been claimed.

7. It’s time to join the reduce, reuse, recycle movement.⁶Maybe do it for ethical reasons, and if you’re not into that, do it to save a buck. It’s easy: stop buying shit you don’t need and keep using what you already have for as long as you can. To give you an idea, you can repurpose wine bottles into vases — but you should probably start recycling them once you reach a certain threshold, because we live in earthquake territory — and you know, someone might come over and start asking too many questions about your Saturday night choices.

Pro-tip: Check out the many, many blogs out there with cool upcycling projects and how-to guides.

8. Stop buying clothes you know you’re not going to wear. You’re never going to wear that crop top, Susan, because you know what, you spend 80% of your life in a business-professional environment, and now that we’re on the subject, if you don’t get your life goals in check, the only things you’ll ever be buying are slacks and cardigans. Check out your local thrift shop for some cool, cheap, and sustainable vibes. And remember, quality over quantity.

9. Do you really need to pay for entertainment when you live in the city? From an interactive real-life minefield every time you walk down the streets, to the fascinating people-watching on Muni — it’s happening all around you. Let go of Netflix. Spotify can stay.⁷ And if you still have cable TV, I need you to reevaluate your life.

Pro-tip: Visit your local library for fun, cool, and free resources. There are so many, for real. Like a wise aardvark⁸ once said, “Having fun isn’t hard when you’ve got a library card.”

10. Stop consuming, start creating. Really, in a shoebox apartment, it makes sense: it’s not about the material possessions, but the experiences you accumulate in life. Go out and create memories. Get lost in Golden Gate Park or one of the countless natural escapes here in the Bay Area. Get inspired. Write a poem. Pick up a ukulele. Try interpretive dance or something. Remember, you’re in one of the best places in the country and probably the whole damn world. You’re also paying quite a pretty penny for it. So go out there and make the best of it.

¹Look, lest you be labeled an out-of-touch, unconscientious millennial, the tide’s quickly turning against all things ‘disposable’. Showing up with a to-go coffee cup every day also screams financial recklessness — but hey, maybe you’re into that.

²So “cup” is a little generous… Remember, it’s all about perspective OK?

³OK, sure, sometimes a shared ride can be cheaper than taking public transit. Some carpool apps out there may also do the trick. I hear you, but do you hear me?

⁴This is a joke, Internal Revenue Service. I pay taxes. And quite a bit actually. Love you, CA.

⁶Bonus points if you include Refuse and Rot.

⁷Not getting a kickback from this. Although now that we’re on the subject, uh, wouldn’t you say that perhaps this shout-out is worthy of a free annual subscription? Thanks in advance @Spotify.

⁸Do I need to include a link? Arthur.