How to get clear on your values and achieve greater joy and fulfillment
My career has not followed a straight path. I have jumped roles, industries, and continents to try to find roles and opportunities that bring me joy and fulfillment. Coming out of college and starting my first job, I didn’t have a clear understanding of different types of roles or industries. I simply applied to strategy consulting firms, taking my dad’s advice to “build a strong foundation,” mimicking the paths of most of my college friends.
For my first job, I worked for a consulting company that specializes in biotech and pharma. While I loved my coworkers and learned a lot from amazing mentors, I didn’t feel fulfilled. The story I told myself? The pharma industry was “bad,” and I wasn’t having a positive impact in the world.
I compensated by volunteering on the Board of Directors of a local non-profit. I created a reality where I had “two selves,” “two identities,” “two worlds.” Trying to balance the two was exhausting. Ultimately, I decided I wanted my career to align with my values and left my job to make that happen. Little did I know I would make detours along the way as I gained a deeper understanding of my core values and as different life events (and just getting older) caused me to re-prioritize my values every so often.
My challenges in making career decisions were based on 1) My desire to have a career with impact, and 2) An inability to define what that meant. The work that brings me joy and satisfaction isn’t just based on the “what,” but a combination of the “what,” “why,” and “how.”
I’ve spent a lot of time over the past year getting more clarity for myself to make more values-based decisions in my life and I want to share some of what I have learned that has been very helpful for me.
In this post, I share:
- The impact of not knowing my core values
- How to clarify your values
- How to make values-based decisions
I: The impact of not knowing my core values
I’ve spent all of my adult life making choices that I think are based upon my values, and yet I am not always happy. Since graduating from college, every three or so years, I would fall into a sense of anxiety about whether I was on the “right” path. This bout of anxiety popped up even more frequently during graduate school when one is encouraged to make major decisions about internships and jobs at lightning speed. I spent a lot of money on two Masters degrees before I was clear about what really matters to me.
(Sidenote: if you are thinking of getting an MBA or going to any grad degree program, get clear on your values before you make that jump!)
When I wasn’t clear on what was most important to me, it was easy to fall into a pattern of following societal norms or doing what other people in my life wanted me to do. Making choices based on society’s or other people’s values may help me gain approval from others (and I recognize that approval makes me feel good), but it doesn’t ensure my own fulfillment.
An ex-boyfriend I dated about 10 years ago judged me based on my career choices. He noted:
“I love that you and I both have such an interest in international development and Latin America. I just don’t understand why you aren’t dedicating your career to this work. It’s important to me that my girlfriend works in this sector too.”
That relationship didn’t work out and it took me awhile to really internalize the belief that I am enough regardless of my job; my identity is not my job. While values alignment with partners and friends is essential, I now know that it’s important to first ensure that I make choices that honor my values so that I can bring the best version of myself into my relationships with others.
I also reflected on past jobs and realized I am unhappy if my role involves me operating in a silo, doing research, and quietly building presentations. Now that I am clear on that, it makes it so much easier to think about the type of work that really helps me feel passionate and fulfilled.
II: Getting clear on personal & work values
To get clear on my personal values, I did the following:
First, I took a lot of assessments to reflect on my personal life and career, identify top experiences, and identify what causes me unhappiness. A lot of the assessments that helped me figure out my core personal values focus on answering these questions:
- What are my top experiences?
Questions I considered: What brings me joy? What are some moments in my life that stand out as times when I felt happy and fulfilled? What values was I honoring in those instances?
My take-away: I know that I am happiest when I get to spend time building relationships and community. I also love new adventures!
2. What are my suppressed values?
Questions I considered: When am I the most unhappy, resentful, frustrated, or stifled? What was going on? What values were not being fulfilled at these times?
My take-away: Whatever values were suppressed when I felt unhappy are likely my core values. I realized that I am unhappy and sometimes resentful when I feel unhealthy and don’t make time to exercise. That helped me realize that “balance” is one of my core values.
3. What is my personal code of conduct?
Questions I considered: What is most important to me and in my life? What do I need to experience fulfillment? Love? Health? Wealth? Learning and growth?
My take-away: When my coach asked me, “What are you here to do?,” the answer that came out without any time to think was: “I am here to have a fulfilling life full of love, connection, and adventure. I am here to have a family. I am here to empower women.” Being clear on that helps me look at my choices through a lens to see whether I am honoring these things.
Next, I took assessments that helped me identify my values AND what I like to call my “superpowers” or “zone of genius” — the types of work or behaviors that I feel the most in flow, confident, and happy with.
To get clear on my work values, I answered a different set of questions:
- What are my intrinsic motivators for work and career? Intrinsic values are what motivate us. They are often difficult to quantify but may deeply impact on our sense of fulfillment. Some of my intrinsic motivators for work are:
- making a positive impact in society,
- getting to work with smart, passionate people,
- getting to express creativity in my daily work
2. What are extrinsic rewards that are important to me?:
Extrinsic values are based on the tangible rewards we get from work, such as salary, benefits, and title. My job title isn’t important to me if I am doing work and part of a team that I love and I have rarely made career moves or choices to change my title.
3. How is my lifestyle impacted by my career choices?
To answer this I needed to identify what I want my lifestyle to be like, and then think about whether my job/career helps me achieve that. A prior job of mine provided opportunities for amazing global travel which was amazing and fulfilled my core value of “adventure”, but also meant that I was away from my husband for weeks at a time, conflicting with my core values of “relationships” and “balance.” Ultimately, I decided it was more important for me to be able to spend more time at home in San Francisco than traveling and I changed jobs to honor that lifestyle preference.
Here are a few resources I used to identify my values:
- Identify your values: The Barrett Personal Values Assessment (FREE; 5 minutes plus time for reflection): https://www.valuescentre.com/tools-assessments/pva/
- Identify your “super powers”: Gallup’s Clifton Strengths Assessment (~$40; 30–45 minutes): https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com/. This assessment helps increase self-awareness and understanding of your top talents and sorts them into 4 categories: strategic thinking, executing, influencing, and relationship building. This assessment is also really great to do in a group with people you work with (or may work with) to discuss how your respective strengths complement each other.
- Identify your motivations and build mindfulness around your behaviors: The Enneagram RHETI test ($12; ~45 minutes): https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/. The Enneagram test categorizes you into one of nine different personality types and can help explain motivations behind your behavior.
- Pressure test your values: I have found it really helpful to get feedback from close friends and colleagues as inputs as I think about my values, particularly to identify my “super powers.” I also worked with a coach who recommended some of the above assessments and helped me think through the results. (If you’re looking for a coach, I LOVE my coach, Elizabeth Bohannan).
III: How to make values-based decisions
The reason I started all the work and reflection to get clear on my values was because I hit a point in life where I recognized that I was not fully happy and fulfilled, but I wasn’t sure why. I was clear that part of my unhappiness was caused by work, as well as personal factors and I wanted to be able to think about making some changes.
After I got clear on my values, I wanted to create a way to actually use that awareness to make better decisions that would help ensure I do feel happy, fulfilled, and thriving.
I made the table below to help myself think through a decision. Unlike decisions I have made in the past, by using this format, I felt much more clear and confident making a choice about what I want in my job and career.
By laying out my thoughts in this format, I am able to make more mindful choices than in the past. By focusing on how choices honor or conflict with my values, I get clear on how to make a decision that honors what I value most.
What types of decisions did all of this work lead me to make? Here are three of the biggest decisions I made based on this work:
- I made a difficult decision to leave a role and a company that I love in order to explore opportunities to work on a topic that has impacted me personally. I had some health issues this past year and my own experience has compelled me to return to work in the healthcare space and to focus my energy on a topic that has impacted me personally. My time at Wonderschool has been the highlight of my career and I cannot wait to see what comes next and the impact that this company can make in the lives of educators, childcare providers, and families. I’m also excited to explore ways to empower others that experience a similar health challenge as I have.
- I realized that although “family” is a top value for me, I was focusing more on career and proactively seeking ways to put off starting a family. I have now changed my timeline for when I want to start trying to have a child. Scary, but exciting!
- Lastly, this work changed my relationship with money and how I think about my financial spend on self care. I spend a lot of money out of pocket relative to my income on my mental health, wellness, and self care. Working with a life coach, seeing a therapist weekly, and investing in exercise classes, healthy food, and more are very helpful to ensure I feel my best and optimize for joy. While I wish insurance covered more of these services, I do not begrudge the money I spend on this.
I have so enjoyed my own journey of figuring out my values and learning how to make decisions to honor them and felt compelled to share some of what I learned.
Here’s to hoping we all create a bit more joy in our lives!
Rebecca “Becca” Grubman
