Photo by Christal Yuen on Unsplash

How to Harness Your Vulnerability to Achieve Great Things

Relationships, dreams and futures all depend on it

A recent conversation with a friend forced to think about subject of the vulnerability which rapidly infiltrated some very curious areas of my mind, ultimately leading to a restless night of pondering.

I don’t know how you get in front of a camera and speak; I couldn’t do it.
It’s easy. You just start, and over time you’ll get better and better.
Yeah, but putting yourself out there, aren’t you scared of people who are going to hate it?

The backlash. The hate. The trolls. The inevitable dislikes and comments where people try to shit over everything you’ve worked so hard to achieve — or planning to achieve.

This, of course, isn’t just restricted to the virtual world.

If you’ve ever had a dream, a wish, an idea, or a burning passion you can’t stop thinking about — a desire that soaks your dreams and makes you feel like you have a purpose — have you ever asked yourself why you haven’t set out to do it yet?

Perhaps you’re starting to, or maybe you’re taking baby steps.

In truth, all aspects of our lives require vulnerability and today; I’m going to talk about several ways you can start bringing yourself to do this. However, firstly, let’s explore the issue of if you don’t.

So many of us are afraid of the repercussions of our actions. We’re terrified of what people think, so much so we build mental barriers to protect ourselves to block out any potential harm, but in the process hold ourselves back from doing the things we love.

Let me give you an example;

Since the age of 16, I’ve been in 6 or 7 relationships.

Some have lasted three years, others several months; each time ending for whatever painful reason. I’ve been cheated on; we’ve tried to make it work for months; regardless of the ever-increasing toxic connection we lived in.

Sometimes, it simply didn’t work.

Nowadays, aged 25, I’m currently at a stage where I’ve been single the longest amount of time in over a decade. I thought this was originally because I was working hard on creating a life of intention; creating the life I wanted to live, and I simply didn’t have time to dedicate into someone else or a relationship.

That was, until, I met a certain someone.

After chatting for months through Instagram direct messages, we finally met up, and the connection was instant. In all honesty, I was nervous. This was my first ‘date’ in over a year, and we had already said it was a work-related meetup where I would help go through her website.

I knew this was the case, but the way we had spoken to each other, the passion we both had on a creative level and our drive to do more with our lives, to be more, was honestly captivating.

However, meeting in person is an entirely different ball game.

After chatting, drinking coffee for several hours and taking 90% of the time to try and connect her laptop to the internet, I had feelings I hadn’t felt in what seemed like a lifetime. We sat, we chilled out, we looked through her website, and I gave her my honest opinion; and we parted ways.

The feelings echoed through me for the next couple of days, but we barely spoke a word. Perhaps the odd message here and there; nothing substantial.

We complained about work during the busy festive season, and I replied minimally.

It wasn’t until I had the restless night thinking about vulnerability I become very aware of what was going on.

I was holding myself back. I was isolating my involvement and pulling away — disconnecting myself from the situation.

I’m stopping myself from being vulnerable because I’m terrified of being hurt again.

I’m afraid of putting myself in a position where I’m protecting myself from the pain and hurt, I’ve become accustomed to in the past, in this scenario, meaning I’m missing out on potentially being with someone who could bring real value into my life.

This is something we’re all guilty with, especially when applied to pretty much any relevant aspect of your life.

By being vulnerable; by opening yourself up to the new opportunities where yes, you might get hurt, or you might fail in what you set out to do, but the rewards of which are immeasurable and guarantee to be life-changing, you’re enabling yourself to live a full life.

Being vulnerable takes a vast amount of bravery and courage; to take that first step outside the comfort zone and to bring yourself to face your demons, worries and ultimate fears.

However, there are several things you can do, as learned by my own personal experiences, that can help overcome these obstacles.


BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF

The first step to overcoming your fears is acknowledging you have them in the first place.

Think about the thing you want to do in your life, the message you want to send, the blog post you want to write or the person you want to connect with.

What’s stopping you from doing that? What fear or worry is lodged in your mind that’s stopping you from doing the thing you want to do?

Say it out loud to yourself. Write it down on a piece of paper. Shout it into the wind from the top of a hill.

However you want to acknowledge it, the moment you do you’ll start to feel yourself grow through it.

TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE

Being vulnerable is hard because it involves the other people in your life; something you have no control over.

Whether you’re holding yourself back because you’re scared of the opinions of your friends and family, afraid of the opinions of others online, or complete strangers, you’re very likely to be wrong.

From my personal experience, this is the honest truth. There are far more people out there who are willing to support you in whatever venture you’re following than people who are going to try and bring you down.

Most people simply won’t care.

Start by talking to the supportive people in your life. This could be friends and family members, or even people you’re close to online. Tell them about your idea, tell them about your worries. The more support you can garner, the more likely you’ll be to take that first step.

TAKE THE PLUNGE

It doesn’t matter if you listen to any of the advice online, in this post or not or if you gain all the support of everyone you care to name, or not, at one point or another, you’ll need to take the plunge and take that first step.

The thing is, all your worries and fears that stop you from being vulnerable are all related to taking that first step. By then the moment you take it, those worries wash away, so when you’re ready, take that leap of faith and venture into the life you want to live.

Will Smith says it better than I ever could!
Will Smith on Overcoming Fear through Skydiving

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

The most important aspect of becoming vulnerable.

Whatever it is you want to achieve, you have to believe you can do it. Believe in yourself. Believe in the power you have within you to make whatever you want into your reality. Only you can do it.

Whether you want a million dollars, a million followers, one special relationship, or to start a hobby that could last a lifetime, trust in yourself and your abilities to make good things happen.

No matter what anybody else says, if there’s something in this life you want, you’ve got to get out there and make it happen. Don’t let anybody stand in your way.

GOOD LUCK

There are plenty of other things out there you can do to become more vulnerable and open yourself up to the world, but these four things should be enough to get you started.

Remember, becoming vulnerable is not an overnight change, and will require mindfulness on a daily basis.

It may feel like a slow and steady climb, but the journey is worth it.


Enjoyed this? Why not check out my first video of 2019?