How to Overcome Financial Shame When Buying a House

The underwriter called and left a voice mail about items on my credit that needed clarification on in order to move forward. They asked about my student loans and my work history and why I was hospitalized at the end of 2017, and how that affected my ability to work. They asked intrusive, uncomfortable questions that made my fight or flight kick in hard and I was either going to tell them what I thought of their nosy behavior and just where they could shove it, or I was going to run.

In recovery one of the lessons I’ve learned, or you could say, one of the tools I have in my tool box is what so many before me have pointed out as, “contrary action.” Doing the opposite of what you would normally do. In my active alcoholism at my worst, I am a liar and a cheat. I manipulate and I push and pull and I want everything the way I want it because everything is always and has always been about me.

Previously, I would have wanted to buy this house so bad, blindly and compulsively a swirling dust devil towards my goals. Without thought or concern for others. Borrowing money and falsifying history and documents to make myself appear more desirable to the loan officers. Begging and pleading. Using personality and charm. That is me in active alcoholism.