How to Own Your Story, Without Letting it Own You
The Stories We Tell Ourselves Shape Who We Are
The story you tell yourself will shape who you are and who you become, especially during hard times and difficult change.
A Leader in the Making
Growing up, Howard’s father struggled to provide for his family. At one point his father lost his job due to an injury and became unemployed. The entire family suffered.
When reflecting on his life, Howard shares how there was a time he resented his father for being a failure. This fear of failure that he associated with his father drove him to achievement.
There was a point, after his father’s passing, that he reframed the resentment. He began acknowledging that much of his success came from his childhood experiences — the good and the bad.
Instead of seeing the side of his father that was a “failure”, he chose to see his father as an honest, honorable, and committed man that got caught up in an unfair system.
By reframing his story, he was able to get past his resentment and begin creating his purpose. His goal was to create a company that aligned with his values. A company that had the best health benefits, wages, and working conditions for its employees. He wanted to provide others what his father never had.
Howard Schultz, the founder of Starbucks, used his story in a way to define his purpose, values, and life. He took his past and used it for good. It developed him into a high-impact authentic leader.
Your Story Shapes Who You Are
What story are you telling yourself? How might it be affecting the trajectory of your life?
Imagine if Howard would have stayed resentful of his dad and the hardships it created in their lives. He may have achieved material success, but without the meaning and fulfillment of pursuing his values.
When we learn to accept our story and use it to shape our future, we find an authentic approach to life and leadership.
John Barth, an American novelist, once said, “The story of your life is not your life. It is your story.” You are the writer of that story. It shapes how you view the world and your purpose.
In his book True North, Bill George tells us, “it is how you understand yourself through your story that matters, not the facts of your life.”
Write Your Story
As you look at your life what would be the chapters? What have been the milestones so far that have shaped who you are?
Exercise: Grab a pen and paper. Label the bottom left of the page “birth” and in the upper right write “present day”. Now if you were to write about your life, what would be the chapters? Mark them down here.
By observing these chapters, you might see where your values, fears, and beliefs come from.
You may notice themes to how you respond to adversity. Some serve you and some don’t.
What were the moments in your life where you felt purpose and fulfillment? When were you the most energized?
These moments indicate your values. They mean something to you. Pay attention and engage these values more every day.
I have often thought that the best way to define a man’s character would be to seek out the particular mental or moral attitude in which…he felt himself most deeply and intensely active and alive. At such moments there is a voice inside which speaks and says: “This is the real me!”
WILLIAM JAMES
Reframe Your Story
Our past doesn’t dictate our future. It does, however, shape us.
Reflect on your past and reframe it into a story that serves the person you desire to be.
Remember, you are the one writing your story. Every great story has tension. The main character often starts out in one hell of a mess. But that’s what makes the story so great!
We watch the transformation of the underdog and witness how they use their story to make a difference in the world. Make that be you and take the hero’s journey.
What is the story you are telling yourself? How could you own it, instead of letting it own you?
DOWNLOAD MY FREE EXECUTIVE MORNING PLAN!
Click here and download The Executive Morning Plan: Fuel your performance by taking control of your morning (without Inbox Zero and More Task Lists)!
