How to Say No Without Saying No

It’s an underrated skill that you need to have to progress in your career

Isabel Nyo
The Startup
Published in
4 min readJan 28, 2020

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Photo by Volodymyr Hryshchenko on Unsplash

In her best-selling book, Lean In, the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg, encourages women to step up, stand their ground, and have the courage to push back when necessary. I can understand why, because it’s not uncommon to read about the way women are socialized to be accommodating.

“Would you like to organize the catering for this meeting?”

Yes, sure.

“Could you please compile a report on this and send it to me?”

Certainly.

“Do you want to be involved in the discussion about that?”

I’d love to.

While the main audience for Lean In is working women, I believe there are also men who struggle to say no and Sandberg’s advice applies to them too.

So the question is how do we say no? How do we decline nicely, so as to not burn bridges? While I’m no expert, I’ve learned a lot in my career, especially about how to be more confident and have the courage to say no. I’d like to share some tips.

Understand Why You Don’t Like Saying No

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Isabel Nyo
The Startup

My course for engineering managers: https://gum.co/emcourse | Tools and Resources for Tech Professionals & Leaders: https://gumroad.com/eisabai