How to Survive (and Thrive) While Freelancing with Imposter Syndrome

Today a client sent me an email. Not a hateful, fury-filled email, not a cryptic email, not even an email with a mild rebuke. Just a regular old email, asking an open-ended question about the blog post I had just sent him this morning.

And I froze.

The jig is up, I thought. It’s over. I’m found out, I’ve been exposed for the fraud I am. My hands shook as I hammered out my response to the client. I read and reread my email a dozen times before I clicked send, and then waited with bated breath, refreshing my inbox more times than I care to admit as I anxiously thought about what I could have done wrong and how I was surely about to be fired.

The frantic and nervous thoughts that I’m describing are a manifestation of imposter syndrome, a psychological phenomenon that plagues professionals from every corner of the globe in every industry, and it seems particularly prevalent among those of us who freelance. It’s uncomfortable and unpleasant, and it leaves a lot of people questioning their value and what they have to offer to clients.

If you’re a freelancer and you find yourself thinking challenging thoughts like “I’m a fraud” or “Any day now I’ll be found out,” you’ve come to the right place. This is the first in a four-part series on freelancing with imposter syndrome, so to make sure you don’t miss a beat, sign up or follow me to receive notification of my latest post.

You can check out the second installment of the series here.

First: What even is imposter syndrome?

Before we take a look at some of the tools freelancers use to push back against imposter syndrome in the next blog post in this series, it’s important to understand just what imposter syndrome actually is and the various ways it manifests in order to effectively push back against it.

Imposter syndrome is the belief that you’re an inadequate and incompetent failure on the verge of being found out at any moment, despite evidence to the contrary. The term was first used by researchers who uncovered the phenomenon in the late 1970s and has been used ever since to describe a feeling that, no matter how hard you work, what qualifications you have, and what knowledge, skills, and abilities you bring to the table, you’re one misstep away from complete and utter failure.

Sounds exhausting, right? That’s because it is. Imposter syndrome leaves those in its grasp drained and frustrated, angry at themselves, and feeling dejected. rejected, and unworthy.

Those feelings aren’t good or healthy for anyone, and for freelancers, it could mean the difference between believing in yourself and succeeding and doubting your every move and giving up on your dreams.

So how does it manifest?

Imposter syndrome doesn’t manifest in one neat, clear-cut fashion. It’s a messy and potentially debilitating pattern of thought, and it varies based on the individual. However, there are a few different ways that it generally manifests, according to researcher and imposter syndrome expert Dr. Valerie Young. These manifestations can be broken down into five personas: The perfectionist, the superwoman (or man), the natural genius, the soloist, and the expert. Let’s take a brief look at each of these categories.

The perfectionist

Micromanager, control freak, perfectionist — these words aren’t perfect synonyms, but they all have elements in common. Perfectionists value control and absolutes and are rarely satisfied with their own work. This desire for perfection becomes all-encompassing and can become crippling if left unchecked. You might find that you’re a perfectionist if your desire for precision and excellence is more of a hindrance than a help, and it’s making you think that, if you make one wrong move, the whole thing will come crumbling down around you.

The superwoman or superman

Can you handle it all? Are you able to smash through tight deadlines, market your business religiously, and handle demanding client requests without asking for help or saying no to new projects? Then you might just be a superwoman or superman. The “super” among us tend to overwork themselves and are often the last to ask for help — if they ask at all. It’s a recipe for burnout, as the supers tend to grind the hardest to make sure that they’re not exposed as incapable and inept.

The natural genius

Natural geniuses have been told throughout their lives that they don’t have to lift a finger to be brilliant, and they’ve internalized that message as a pressure to meet rigorous internal and external standards to continue to be regarded as a “genius”. Inevitably, this leads to frustration and fear as natural geniuses find it impossible to live up to those standards and live their professional lives in constant fear that they’ll finally be revealed as a phony.

The soloist

As freelancers, we all have to learn to rely on ourselves if we’re going to succeed. However, soloists take this to the next level by refusing help and attempting to go it alone, even when help is available (and sorely needed). Their reasoning behind this is simple: As soon as they ask for help, they feel that all their walls will come crumbling down and they’ll be revealed to have been misrepresenting themselves all along.

The expert

We all want to come across as experts in our respective domains. Experts are no exception, and they’ll fight tooth and nail to prove (to themselves and to others) that they’re an authority. This goes beyond knowing what they need to know to do their jobs — experts obsess over quantifying knowledge in an attempt to demonstrate that they know all there is to know about their field, lest someone uncover that they don’t know an obscure minor detail. No matter how much expertise that experts amass, they still feel like they know nothing, and beat themselves up for it.

When it’s more than just imposter syndrome:

Sometimes freelancers are impacted by what they think is imposter syndrome to the point that it truly interferes with their abilities to thrive, both personally and professionally. In those cases, it’s important to consult with a mental health professional to determine whether or not you’re suffering from a mental illness. Anxiety, OCD, and other serious conditions may coexist with imposter syndrome, or, more likely, exacerbate it.

If you’re struggling with anxiety, check out this infographic from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, or review their compilation of resources.

If you’re having thoughts of self-harm or of harming others, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1–800–273–8255 or reach out through their chat here.

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My client returned my email shortly an agonizing 20 minutes after I sent it, with a friendly message and a positive remark about my work. I was ashamed. After all, I had just spent my precious, irretrievable time fretting about how this undoubtedly furious client was going to fire me for misrepresenting my capabilities, when, in reality, their response contained a candid compliment. It wasn’t my proudest moment.

If my complete overreaction is something you can relate to, stay tuned for the next piece in my four-part series on freelancing with imposter syndrome, where I got into some of the tips and tricks other freelancers have so kindly shared with me.

In the meantime, share your story of freelancing with imposter syndrome in the comments, or reach out to me directly to let me know how it’s impacted you. And don’t forget to read the next installment on surviving and thriving with imposter syndrome here.