How to Work with Difficult People… Start with Listening
We all have difficult people in our lives. It could be someone who reports to you, a coworker, a boss, or a family member. In the past, there have been angry words, silent resentments, passive resistance, and an overall feeling of difficulty associated with this person. You can let some difficult people go from your life— perhaps you’ve ended a friendship or moved on from a job to avoid the person. And then there’s difficult people who for whatever circumstances will remain in your life. For these people, the secret of accepting or tolerating them is deceptively simple, yet so hard to execute— the secret is to listen to them on three levels of listening.
Three Levels of Listening
Diving deeper into the secret, let’s set up the framework for three levels of listening¹.
Level 1: Internal Listening. While I am listening to the other person, I am listening to hear only the information that matters to me. Often this listening is so that I can prepare what to say next, whether it’s my response, my question, or to introduce something entirely different to the conversation. Level 1 listening often gets a bad reputation, yet it’s entirely appropriate for particular situations. For example, if you’re being interviewed on a podcast, if you’re a student getting direction from the instructor, or…
