How You Can Use Emotional Intelligence To Unlock The Best In You
INTRODUCTION
In my previous article, I wrote about Reorient Your Thinking With Four Thoughts. This article extends the previous article by exploring how emotional intelligence can enable personal development. The idea of emotional intelligence (EQ) has been critically discussed and written about for over decades now since the word was coined around the mid-90’s. More rigorous discussions arose when the research on the correlation of Intelligence quotient (IQ — a human intelligence measure) and success started showing an irregular and inverse proportion. Nelis et al. describe emotional intelligence as:
The individual differences in the perception, processing, regulation, and utilization of emotional information.
Whilst Drs. Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves describe it as:
Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships.
WHAT IS PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT?
Personal development has never become so vital at anytime than the age we live in now. Personal development is work. You consistently work on it. Personal development looks like an overall, a white coat and a construction site for many of us but it is pivotal for our personal growth. Irving and Williams, in their article titled Personal growth and personal development: Concepts clarified, define the terms personal development and growth in the following manner:
Personal development is a process concerned with specific aspects of the individual: the development of ‘what’, and the ways this can be planned, achieved and evaluated.
Personal growth, on the other hand, is a more generic process having to do with the totality of the individual; it is always judged in terms of values.
This is good to hear because it informs us that development can be structured and planned — it is work. Another thing to remember from my previous article is the mentioning of the frontal cortex in the brain and how it contributes to thinking. Development requires not only general thinking, but one that is strategic and integrated. When we speak about personal growth, we speak about the entire person but development stretches to specific parts of the person. As Irving and Williams pose the question, one can grow taller, but can we develop height ? The essence in this introduction is to provide clarity in terms of how development can be planned and structured, where a system to achieve goals can be made but with growth, one constantly becomes something and that is open-ended.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Personal Testimony
The times we live in have indeed become so interesting that EQ has become one of those factors used to distinguish leaders from followers. When I think of EQ, what comes to mind is integrity, self- control, self-awareness and self-correction. Self-correction and control in this case would refer to the ability of a person to understand themselves well enough to know what they are competent in and where they need to develop and what instruments, systems and resources they need to go about that development. Self-awareness and integrity for me would be the awareness one possesses for their balanced, effortless and compartmentalized manner in which they respond to trials, impediments, triumphs and feedback.
Perhaps an example to use for this is my writing of articles. This article you are reading currently is my second article after making a decision a few weeks ago to start writing. The content I would write was beyond the point, I knew I had to start because of a why — develop the skill of research, self- articulation through writing and build a platform of knowledge creation and sharing with other writers so that we can always be learning. I understood that conducting research was one of the strong abilities I possessed, but I needed to develop the skill of articulating my experiences, thoughts and learning. So here I am, learning how to develop myself.
Another example was a year ago when I started my hobby of photography which I later turned into a business. I knew I loved capturing beautiful, significant and unforgettable moments in life, I knew I had the ability to interact with people beyond just a hi and bye-bye, I could hold a conversation and allow people to have a taste of my charismatic traits. I also knew that I needed to get practical experience by acquiring a camera and build a strong foundation of photographic experiences. That I did and now I train others to do the same. Through starting a business and training other people in the field of photography and videography, I have learnt important aspects linked to how emotional intelligence can enable personal development. The following three aspects are important to remember for many of us who are regarded as servants of others and I will expand on them below:
1. Self-management and emotional maturity.
2. Trusting and respecting other people’s skills.
3. The pursuit of meaningfulness and usefulness.
- Self-management and emotional maturity.
Jack Suess in an article titled: Power to the People: Why Self-Management Is Important, suggest three important aspects of self-management. The first relating to the ability of a person to take complete charge of their time and obligations. Do you respect your time and honour your obligations to other people’s time? The second being the development of a characteristic ability to conjure up new skills that support their continuous development. Are you growing and using your sills for your consistent development or are you just in motion but not moving anywhere? The last but not least being the consistent and intentional construction of a personal network. Who do you associate with? Are they valuable to you and you to them? Daniel Goleman, in his book Emotional Intelligence, states how emotional intelligence does not exist without aspects of self-discipline and governance, zeal, persistence and the ability of a person to consistently inspire themselves.
2. Trusting and respecting other people’s skills.
Trust is important in relationships and a very significant shortcut to action. In this context of this article, trust is more important to the well-being of a person and their emotional intelligence because it expands one’s personal emotional capability to develop . You earn trust by giving trust, people trust you when they see you doing things that show that you trust them. Trusting others is the ability allow others the room to sharpen their skills without you micro-managing or interrupting that sharpening process. If you have watched Enders Game or perhaps read the book (Enders Game by Robert Crayola), you would see at the time when Ender needed to trust his team and delegate pivotal tasks to achieve certain goals. In the book, Crayola describes this well:
They also knew that Ender trusted them to do as they judged best when he gave them no orders. If their style of fighting were not right for the situation they were placed in, Ender would not have chosen them for that assignment (pg. 275).
When you trust people with pivotal tasks, you build their confidence and they are edified to sharpen themselves and gain the ability to adapt to challenges by being adept in their emotional intelligence. As a responsible leader, you then start to trust that the people you lead take efficient and intelligently better actions compared to the directives they are given. This kind of approach to leadership promotes growth and development as mentioned in the introduction of this article.
3. The pursuit of meaningfulness and usefulness.
Jordan B. Peterson in his 12 Rules For Life book mentions Rule 7 as: Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient). Tim Lott in his analysis of Peterson and this pursuit of meaningfulness goes on to mention what I think is an important aspect of usefulness and meaningfulness:
It is also a matter of responsibility you need to have the courage to voluntarily shoulder the great burden of being in order to move towards that meaning. This is what the biblical stories tell us . The great world stories have a moral purpose they teach us how to pursue meaning over narrow self interest. Whether it’s Pinocchio, The Lion King, Harry Potter or the Bible, they are all saying the same thing take the highest path, pick up the heaviest rock and you will have the hope of being psychologically reborn despite the inevitable suffering that life brings.
Lott here mentions how the usefulness and meaningfulness begins with taking an unfamiliar and uncharted path, allowing the breaking of psychological and emotional borders — resulting in continuous personal development. The parachute flies when its open, perhaps the road towards developing emotional intelligence is achieved by understanding that the road is made by walking, one must wander and sometimes get lost and find hope in trusting the process of finding meaning and usefulness in serving the interests of others.
Conclusion
So what do we conclude about emotional intelligence and how it can enable personal development? Emotional intelligence affects your physical and mental health, performance at work and school and the management of relationships and social interactions. This article encourages one to have a determined, intentional and consistent effort towards developing themselves by developing their emotional intelligence. Should one take up this challenge, the benefits would be better self-management, self and social awareness and a meaningful and useful living.
