I Almost Forgot How it Felt to Write Something For Fun...
Three years ago, I was a very prominent writer in my local music scene. My op-eds had garnered attention from musicians like 9th Wonder, Danny Brown, Rapsody, and Charles Hamilton. I had the opportunity to contribute to the blog of one of my favorite brands, and had been in talks to write for a very prominent music site. I was able to use the connections I had acquired through writing to throw shows with some of my favorite local D.C., Maryland, and Virginia artists and a few buzzing artists that are now internationally recognized. Strangers from all over the world told me they loved my work. I loved what I did. And in spite of all of this, I quit, abruptly.
At that point in my life, I had been blogging for about 5 years. I was 21 years old when I left music blogging, and I never really gave an explanation for why I quit. I just did it. Now, three years later, at 24, I’ve decided to return to my favorite pastime, and to mark it, I’m going to give the explanation that a few people have asked me for.
2014 was an important year for me in many ways. Though I experienced a lot of turmoil in my life, it was also the year I first began to really grapple with my issues. I have never really been open with this outside of a few close friends, but from 2011 to about 2015 I struggled deeply with depression and perceived low self-worth. Seeking help from others has gotten me to a much better state with my mental health issue, though it is something that remains a challenge for me today. My mental state is one of two reasons I left music blogging. At the time, I felt like I nothing was going right for me, even though to many onlookers I appeared perfectly fine. I was struggling in school, struggling in my personal life, and struggling mentally; which put a huge strain on my motivation to do things outside of those realms. I learned so much about how you can lose the things you love most in an attempt to keep yourself afloat.
Another large reason I stopped music blogging was the shift in the culture of the local music scene. Around that same time, a few people who sought to exploit the local musicians, artists, content creators, and fans for their own economic gains infiltrated my local scene. They brought a false sense of prestige, an out of town following, and the connections that many of us sought after. I and many others felt that if we wanted to be successful, we had to play ball with these dudes, and so we did. The result was a sickening culture of pay-to-play that only benefited those people and none of the people actually putting in the work. I even began to play a part in that, and hated myself for it. I hated the fact that I could not properly compensate the various artists that did my shows, and it hurt me even more because a lot of these artists were friends. Eventually, I decided that I didn’t want to be a part of that culture anymore, so I quit. What little integrity I felt that I had left, I wanted to leave with that.
I was only supposed to stop writing for a semester. I knew that I was done throwing shows, but I planned to get back into writing once I got my grades in order. At the end of the semester, I made honors, so I felt like whatever I was doing had to be working. A semester became two semesters, and then I made the Dean’s List. Two semesters became a year, and then a year became graduation. Graduation came, and I decided I wanted to serve my community through a year-long AmeriCorp service-fellowship. 80-hour work weeks did not allow for much else other than sleeping. I had no time for what I considered “frivolous activities.” And so here we are, three years later, and not even an attempt at an article. As the path to a great future began to seem in my reach, I couldn’t help but feel like a piece of me was missing. During my writing hiatus, I’ve watched many of my peers become successful in their respective paths. My good friend Yoh, who I wrote with for years, moved on to DJ Booth, where he writes full time and has garnered many fans, and has even written a book. Another friend of mine, Jourdan, has her own website and podcast, and has been featured in the likes of Complex and has been profiled in Vogue. Artists I’ve watched develop in the scene have been nominated for Grammys. It’s beautiful, and I couldn’t be prouder of their successes. But more importantly, I could be happier for their persistence and abilities to push their voices forward. As I thought about my peers, those frivolous activities, like writing, seemed less unimportant and more and more integral to the person I was becoming. So, why was I denying myself?
I decided to return to writing for myself. I have many thoughts and ideas that I feel need to be put out into the world. I am a different person than when I was first writing; I have experienced so much in a short period of time, which has influenced my perspective on a lot of different topics. This space will be used to the music op-eds that people are used to from me, but there will also be articles on topics such as community development, public health, our education system, and generally whatever comes to mind. I have the freedom to do whatever I want creatively, and I am excited to share my ideas with the world again.
Before I decided to write this, I had a lot of qualms about returning to writing. Would people care? Am I still capable? Can I even write an article anymore? However, as I write this, I have the feeling you get when you haven’t seen an old friend in a long time. You wonder if the feeling would be the same, if they would still like you, or if life has changed for you in a way that the relationship isn’t beneficial anymore. Luckily, I have never felt better than I have typing this today.
Happy New Year,
- Dave
