I Just Want To Make The World A Better Place
The story of a recovering American capitalist
I’m a Recovering American Capitalist (RAC). There I said it. It’s hard to say. It’s even more challenging to start the journey out and onto recovery. There was a scene in the film Shawshank Redemption where the character “Red”, played brilliantly by Morgan Freeman, tries to explain why one of their recently released inmates Brooks Hatlen committed suicide shortly after being released from prison. He explains that “Brooks aint no bug, he was just, just institutionalized”. It’s worthy of a replay if you haven’t seen it in a while, because while he was talking about the institution of prison, it relates very closely to the institution of American capitalism. After you have lived in it for so long you become institutionalized. At first you accept it, then you get used to “this is just how it is”, next you start to question it, and then you become so debilitated by it, it seems almost impossible to leave. Your life seemingly becomes dependent on it.
I think it’s important to make the distinction between social capitalism and American capitalism. Social capitalism as a financial function of distributing, sharing, and capturing resources can be an acceptable financial system, and is very successful in many societies around the world. American capitalism which I sometimes like to call predatory capitalism (because it isn’t just Americans, but we are the best at it) in its purest form is the practice of controlling people and pitting them against each other with fear, in an effort to maximize the accumulation of resources. Greed basically. I’m not going to discuss the specifics here, but Umair Haque in his story People are Happier in Social Democracies because there is less capitalism does a pretty good job of laying out the specifics of how it works.
https://eand.co/people-are-happier-in-social-democracies-because-theres-less-capitalism-980a9c71bfc1
He is very passionate about the issue so it goes on for a while but provides a good understanding of the ills that predatory capitalism can have on humans.
I have spent most of my life and career as an American capitalist or at least playing various roles from pawn to rook to bishop, always and blindly engaged in its institutional norms. And let’s not mix words here, life and career in this institution are expected to be the same, despite its own rhetoric that they are not (subject for another time). For years I woke up every morning with a strange feeling that something was not quite right in my mind or my heart (I imagine now that I am not alone). I didn’t know what it was or where it was coming from. It wasn’t completely debilitating but it was nagging. At first, I drowned it out with the daily routine: go to work, pay the bills, spend time with your family, have a BBQ on the weekend. But still something never seemed quite right. There was always this underlying angst. I often chalked it up to Henry David Thoreau’s comment in Walden, that “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation…”. Even when I asked myself why, it was easier to answer back with, “because that’s what you do”. That’s what you are supposed to do in this world. I was living the life I thought I was expected to live. Get a job, work hard, deposit your paycheck, buy a house, get married, raise 2.4 children (still haven’t found .4 yet, but I think it’s around here someplace), and have a BBQ on the weekend. I never consciously thought about “what do I want to do with my life”, or “what am I supposed to do with my life”. I just did what everyone else around me did. I did what I thought I was supposed to do without actually thinking about it. I was just supposed to get a job, buy a house raise a family, work hard, and you know, have a BBQ on the weekend.
I no longer want to be an American capitalist. Seriously, it’s scary to say that out loud, especially when that’s what you’ve been for so long. I am not actually sure when I decided this, I think it was shortly after I started to realize that I could not just leave. I started studying it, trying to understand this institution. Why am I stuck in this, and how can I get out? I know it may be a little taboo to relate this to alcoholism, which is obviously a serious disease many people struggle with, but it’s a little like that. Even if you don’t want to do it any more you can’t just stop. Which is why I started thinking and referring to myself as a Recovering American Capitalist. I’m not completely out yet. I’m still in it but I’m trying to get out. I’m trying to escape. But it’s hard, its almost like trying to leave the mafia, you just can’t leave. There are too many consequences. And the process to escape requires recovering while you are still in it. It’s like going to an AA meeting with a martini in your hand, exclaiming that you’re an alcoholic and want to stop drinking. People will look at you like you are crazy, and if they don’t destroy you, they certainly will show you to the proverbial and non-proverbial door. You have to find a way to quietly and secretly escape and recover while you are within it until you can finally get out.
So now I’m on this journey to escape, and I have started what I think is a unique process to recover from being an American capitalist. Some people have told me you just have to leave, but that’s being a little too naïve. “Just quit and do something else” is the mantra of those who have never been truly institutionalized. There are so many hooks, so many caveats, so many fears (created by the institution itself), that trying to put them aside and just leave is virtually impossible. Even if you tried to do that, it could end up being so destructive that you may be better off just hiding the best you can in the predatory capitalist institution as it is and find ways to mask your discontent until you are gone, one way or the other. There are plenty of chemical solutions that help many American capitalists with that very objective every day.
I have discovered there are two important steps to begin the process. First thing is you have to want to get out and make the decision to get out, seems obvious but it’s important. Second, once you decide to get out, you have to find the one thing you want to do once you get out. This becomes sort of the guiding light. Because the path out of the institution has so many locks, chains, and yokes within it, you need that new light to guide you forward and through. A fancy flashlight with a compass. That’s the core thing you need.
For me, this one guiding thing became, “I want to make the world a better place.” I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make the World a better place. Not exactly a novel idea, I know. But it was for me, because I never asked myself,ever, what is my purpose and what do I want to do with my life. And I’m not sure I ever would have it wasn’t for this one evening with my daughter. I was having a conversation with her about what she might want to do with her life. You know that question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. Seemed rather benign as a kid. But now reflecting back and thinking about when I was asked that question it scares the living chills down my spine. I realize now, how that was the beginning of it all. It was the gateway question to the institution. It was the red pill that drew me to the American capitalist bug zapping, life smoldering hotel you can check into but can never leave (Yes, I do think that’s what the Eagles were talking about). Seriously? I can be anything I want? How cool is this world? And I was in the tractor beam with little thought about what that meant, except I get to wear the cool shiny white armor and helmet too.
Alas, it was a fascinating answer I got from her though. She didn’t say I want to be a doctor, or a farmer, or a firewoman. She said, “I’m not sure, I just want to make the World a better place…” What? You can start of life thinking like that? What the…? For me it became an amazing way to think about what I want to do next after I escape and hurled me into developing a plan and provided that guiding light to keep me moving towards it and out of the life. It doesn’t matter what the actual thing I am doing is, as long as its centered around this larger concept of, I just want to make the World a better place. It could be anything for anyone. I just want to teach young people to sing, or I just want to save the environment. It doesn’t matter what it is, just some kind of light that keeps you moving out of the institution and back to a life you choose.
I have many anecdotal stories of life as a recovering American capitalist, and my hope is to share them with others. Maybe they’ll find their own light out, and eventually if we all escape what else will there be but to change the fundamental institution. No longer will American capitalism be predatory capitalism but be on its way to peaceful social capitalism and we can all live our lives free, sharing, and just work together to make the World a better place. I think then our lives will be filled with peaceful work, wild creative thinking, thoughtful writing, and of course BBQs on the weekends…
