“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.” — Tony Robbins
This quote has been around quite a while, and wow it’s powerful when I break it down.
Our level of skill in communication, and the way we deliver our messages will ultimately determine the quality of our life.
It makes sense when you think about it. The better we can communicate our needs, the more likely they will be fulfilled.
The better we can understand what other people need the better we can collaborate with them.
Ultimately we’ll be happier and less stressed, and the same will be true for the people around us.
When I think of all the people I communicate with in a day, it makes sense that if I can find a way to hear and be heard more effectively, every aspect of my life can be enhanced.
My family, my friends, my clients, my co-workers…It’s really frustrating when intentions get misinterpreted, messages get missed, needs aren’t met, or action stagnates.
Here’s a life coaching hack to have more effective communication.
There are 4 basic types of personalities. Each one has its own communication style.
Learn to detect and decode them and you’ll have more impact in your communication.
When I decode my own and other’s dominant personality trait and communication styles, I can tailor my communication to meet theirs.
I’m still saying my own original words, but I’m wrapping them in a package that looks more appealing to the other person.
The 4 Personality Types and Their Communication Styles
Driver types are action-oriented and no-nonsense. They’re assertive and direct.
Results-oriented, demanding, determined, independent, risk-taker, and competitive all describe drivers.
A driver loses patience with long winded requests or emails. They just want the essential facts with no side story.
They are motivated by getting things done.
To others they may come off as brusque or aggressive.
A long email to a driver will be ignored or answered with one simple sentence and you wonder if you did something to offend them.
Being wishy-washy is going to turn off a driver.
When I talk with a driver, I keep my communication short and to the point. I give direct statements that are clear and certain.
I know not to take it personally if they are curt.
Amiable types are warm and friendly. They tend to be outgoing, loyal and dependable.
Congenial, patient, steady, sympathetic, trusting, considerate, and supportive all describe amiable people.
An amiable person will ask questions and show care and concern.
They’re motivated by nurturing good feelings and eager to please.
They can appear wishy-washy, as they may defer to the wants of others.
When I’m communicating with an amiable type, I slow down just a bit and make sure I am truly engaged.
I give warm eye contact, and I take interest in how they are doing. I ask questions.
Amiable types want some more details than drivers, but they don’t demand as many as analytics (see below).
I take a team approach with amiable types. Being curt can lead to hurt feelings or misinterpretation.
Analytic types love facts and details that are presented in a logical and organized manner. They want to investigate to uncover the truth.
Precise, cautious, deliberate, logical, conventional and disciplined describe analytical types.
They are motivated by certainty and logic.
Analytic types love all the fine details that can make a driver type crazy.
They can be interpreted as being too cautious or too “by the book”. They can be prone to “paralysis by analysis”.
When I talk with an analytic type, I’m certain to present my evidence in an orderly way. I do my homework.
I’m patient and careful to answer their questions whenever possible.
Expressive types have a lot of energy and enthusiasm.
Motivating, enthusiastic, influential, charming, confident, dramatic, optimistic, and animated all describe expressive types.
They will greet you with lots of eye contact. Loud expressions, and hand gestures are common. They may seem perpetually excited.
Expressive types don’t need as much detail as analytics, just enough to be informed.
To others, they can appear to be all talk and no action, indecisive, dramatic, or impulsive.
When I’m speaking with an expressive type, I mirror some of their body language, I keep bright eye contact, and I’m direct and upbeat.
Discover your own type
We all have one dominant feature, but it’s common to share the characteristics of 2 or even 3 of the 4 types.
Don’t get bogged down by stereotypes, men and women can be any type.
I’m an expressive-analytic.
As I described above, to the best of my ability, I adopt some of the qualities of the type I’m communicating with.
It makes sense for me to me to do that.
If I’m talking German and the other person is talking Japanese, we aren’t going to get much accomplished.
Adopting some of the other person’s habits is like having an interpreter present.
It’s more likely that the other person will “get” me, and that we’ll build rapport.
Rapport builds trust.
Rapport and trust are great building blocks for any relationship, at home and in business.
Try it out and let me know how it goes!
As always, I wish you all the best!
I made a 5-day Guide to Mastering Happiness, and it’s yours for free! Click here to get the guide for free!
Want to get more great free content to help you live your most awesome life? Sign up for The Weekly Roundup.